Happiness Allowance 

 It’s difficult to trust things when they are good, isn’t it? 

I find myself asking when the other shoe will drop quite often, and in order to protect myself from disappointment, I’ll allot myself a happiness allowance. 

If I’m only so happy, I can only be so disappointed. 

But why would you limit your ability to be happy? Sure, there is always the possibility of a low to counter the high, but don’t you think you’re deserving of happiness, fleeting or not?

In the Nine of Cups, we see wishes fulfilled. We see a celebration of comfort and happiness. We see true bliss. This is something we need to relish an appreciate, not something we block out because of fear. 

When we do that, we become the Ace of Cupes reversed, which denotes repressed emotions. Any emotion that isn’t felt fully, good OR bad, is like a loaded gun. And to diminish the amount of joy we feel is just plain unfair. 

Treating happiness with skepticism is cheating yourself. Only allowing a bit of it so you don’t over sell your true emotions is a cop out. I know that disappointment is scary, but to live fully and authentically we must live in the moment and cherish our feelings as is right now. Anxiety surrounding the future and paranoia regarding the past should not keep you from experiencing the natural highs of the present. Feel authentically and stay witchy ( *)

It Takes Two

Can you be in a healthy relationship with someone who is not fully healed?

The Lovers reversed suggests an imbalance. Some disharmony between the two. But I don’t think it is impossible.

Actually, I think the key here is willingness. When we enter into a relationship, we bring our own set of baggage, as our partner does, and we both have to work with it. We have to accept that it’s there, but also not let it get in the way.

So let’s say both partners have gotten out of pretty awful previous relationships. Let’s also say that one person has a higher EQ (emotional intelligence quotient) than the other. This may lead to some rough patches given that some baggage may bleed into the relationship, and only one partner is equipped to handle it.

Here I would say the willingness and acceptance of the partner who is struggling, as well as the patience of the other, is essential. Getting into therapy to help to cope with all of the new ups and downs of a fresh relationship could be very conducive for the struggling party. And not only for the relationship, but the partner as an independent.

As we see in the reversed Five of Cups, we need to move on and accept our shortcomings. Moving on and pushing through doesn’t mean forgetting the past, it means recognizing what makes you, you, and becoming the best version of yourself through practice.

Relationships are funny, in that they can be so compelling with two dysfunctional humans working in tandem. However, it only works well to a point. If you want a long lasting, fruitful relationship, BOTH partners have to be willing to be vulnerable, communicate, and accept their baggage. No one is perfect, but knowing that you aren’t and getting help with your roadblocks will ensure you have a healthy relationship. Regardless of if it works out or not is another story, but it will help you grow, minimize the drama, and treat your partner with fairness. Stay accountable and stay witchy ( *)

Tales From My Bedroom Floor: Volume 1, The Fat Girl

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Volume 1 for my new project is now up on MyTrendingStories!

In this six part series, I go through times that were pivotal in collecting my personal and detrimental belief system, all while crying on my bedroom floor.

Go check it out here:  https://mytrendingstories.com/article/tales-from-my-bedroom-floor-volume-1-the-fat-girl/

Stay witchy ( *)

My Trending Stories

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Hi Witches!

I’m starting to switch gears a bit here. I’m looking to change up my posting schedule with the addition of my podcast and the new project I’m working on for My Trending Stories. As I have been regularly posting three times a week, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays, and will continue to do so, I will be adjusting some blog posts to allow myself more freedom to pursue my new projects (and potential clients!)

So looking forward, you’ll be seeing my traditional blog posts appearing on Mondays, an upload of my new project (coming next week!) on My Trending Stories on Wednesdays, and the Podcast appearing in the feed on Saturdays.

So, that being said, I have posted a link to my page with all of the fictional stories on My Trending Stories that I have written so far. Please enjoy and get ready for a new set of writings that I just know you’ll enjoy! Stay witchy ( *)

Fictional Pieces on MTS ( *)

Love and Heartbreak are Acts of Self Trust

 

I’ve talked about these topics at length, as well as of my favorite book, Women Who Run With the Wolves. In this book, Clarissa Pinkola Estes talks about the cycle of love in a new, and yet, ancient way that speaks very clearly to me.

In this book she dissects old fables and explains how they inspire the Wild Woman Identity. In one in particular, entitled the Skeleton Woman, she describes the Life/ Death/ Life cycle and how you need to die in order to be reborn.

In love, from what I’ve come to understand, is that a broken heart is your death cycle. But rather than being a tragic occurrence, it is more of an opportunity. Much like the Death card suggests, it is the gift of rebirth, rather than the mourning of a loss. When you “die,” you are given a low platform, a new angle from which to learn. And once you do, it is then that you are allowed to live again.

Once you reach this new ability of living, you are given a new age of innocence and vulnerability. This is not to be confused with ignorance. Your death cycle has taught you well, and you know now more than you did before. This new innocence, on the other hand, is an act in self trust. Because your knowledge is more advanced, richer, you are able to trust yourself to move through a new relationship in a way that is wiser.

Further, when you live again, you will come across more opportunities to die and reincarnate. There is not just one cycle. In life and love you are constantly learning. And whether it is with the same lover or someone new, if you are not constantly moving through Life/ Death/ Life, you are not living at all.

Life includes pain. But it is what we do with this pain, how we grow with this pain, how we mold it to strengthen us, that creates the new life and all of the blessings it has in store for us. To sit quietly in bliss does not breed knowledge. To focus on pain does not help us grow. We need constant and fluid movement to live fully and experience everything with a wise knowing that this is how we reach the Wild Woman within us. Get moving and stay witchy ( *)

Sexual Trauma and Relationships

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The Eight of Swords depicts a feeling of powerlessness, and nothing will make a person feel more powerless than sexual trauma. It’s an indescribable feeling of emptiness from abuse, but it is not the way one has to feel forever.

When one holds sexual trauma in their body, they will react to triggers. I’ve written about triggers before, but when you have been abused in a way that involves sex, intimacy with a partner is going to be a bit of a struggle. It can look like an unquenchable thirst, a sheer reluctance, or an all together abstinence. And with one of the definitive qualities of a sexual relationship versus a friendship being, well, sex, that can prove to be a bit of an adjustment.

First and foremost, anyone who has been sexually assaulted must seek out help and support however and whenever they can. It is a complete must and the avoidance of it will show up in very compromising ways. Mine showed up as codependency, as you’ve read in my previous post. But what if you’ve sought out the help, have been doing the work, and you get triggered during sex with your partner? What then?

Well this may come as a no-brainer to most of you, but it certainly wasn’t to me; in that very moment when you are triggered, you must stop whatever sexual act and breathe. You need to step away from the situation and take a minute to give yourself some time. Your feelings are perfectly valid and you need to re-calibrate yourself with the reality that you are in now. And as soon as you’ve given yourself some time to get to a calm state, you must have a conversation with your partner.

Whether they know about your trauma or not, whether you want them to or not, you need to set a boundary. Maybe the act was too hard, too fast, maybe he/ she said something that acted as a trigger, whatever the case may be, you need to express that you did not like what happened and that it is not allowed to happen again. This will be an act in self protection and self respect, and I can think of no where more deserving to be respected than in the bedroom. This is a place of safety and intimacy, and though you were wronged and abused in the past, you have always deserved that.

Now you don’t have to completely spill your heart out and tell your whole story, but if you want to then you should. Your partner should respect your wishes and listen to your boundaries, and if it becomes an argument, I suggest finding another partner. Your body is sacred, and it took me a long time to figure that out.

You do not owe anyone sex. And after a sexual assault, you’re going to need some time to work back into a feeling of safe intimacy. It is a confusing process, but creating sexual boundaries and honoring what you need from your partner will help you to get back to a safe place. 

It is imperative that you feel comfortable with sex. Sex is a beautiful and natural act, and with someone you love can be completely fulfilling. And wherever you are in your recovery, you will find that unless you feel comfortable, it should not exist in the equation. Take care of your beautiful bodies and stay witchy  ( *)

Control Freaks and the Unknown

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Reversed, the Emperor denotes excessive control and rigidity. And that sounds super familiar to me.

You see, regardless of the self help path that you venture on, you’re bound to revisit some demons. But when you face these demons with the tool belt you’ve stocked up, you’re more able to combat them in a successful way.

So, as a person who struggles with control, I constantly come into contact with situations that are far out of my control (obviously) and it makes my psyche suffer. Until I whip out my tool belt.

Let’s take, for example, my trip to Europe. I’ve always had a big problem with money anxiety and in order to keep that in check, I’ve used my tools. Let’s see what that looks like:

Alright so I booked the trip on October 1st. I set out a savings plan to give me “enough” money  (3000 US dollars projected) to last me the month that I’m away.

I’ve stuck with my plan to the best of my ability, and yet, there’s still anxiety surrounding the situation.

Why?

Because I’m facing an unknown. I’ve never been to Europe and I’m terrified that I’ll run out of money and be stranded.

But where does that stem from?

I’ve written about this before, and it was more philosophical, but now it’s personal. The reason why I feel like I need to control the money aspect is because I’m afraid of my spending habits while I’m there, and also the fear of being unable to support myself.

Having 3000 in hand is going to be as much as it is. That is the bottom line. But it isn’t the amount that’s scary. It’s me. I’ve lived with myself all of these years and know the rabbit hole I can fall down when I live recklessly. I’m still paying off a 15 grand debt from credit card purchases. 

So in order to combat the scariness that surrounds me, I breathe and recite mantras that instill trust in myself. I also research the hell out of prices in Europe for peace of mind, but I mostly breathe and chant.

You see, the money isn’t the issue. I have what I have and that is that. A five hundred dollar expense doesn’t just sneak up on you (under normal circumstances) so just remembering to have a little trust goes a really long way.

Having faith in yourself is difficult, because you are faced with your entire wrap sheet. But if you just take a breath, take a look at where you are, understand that there are forces outside of you that you have no control over, you actually gain peace of mind. Accepting and surrendering is the best way to stay on top of yourself. Remember to breathe and stay witchy ( *)

 

An Apology to My Past Self

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Over my few months of writing here at WitchyWisdoms, I’ve come to notice a pattern in some of my posts. When trying to prove a point, through examples and comparisons, I’ll throw my past self under the bus and shame her for the “mess” that she was.

And in being quite frank, I did look like a mess from the outside. But shaming myself for what I did with what I had is like judging a homeless person on their outfit. It isn’t fair and it isn’t right, for my growth and yours.

Yes, I had many bad habits and made many reckless decisions, but underneath all of that were the bones of a survivor, and through every bad experience I made it out to the other side with a little bit more knowledge than before, and finally I’m at a place of self awareness that allows me to work on myself consciously.

I may have forgotten some creativity to drugs, sex, and alcohol, but it was never lost. It always lived in me and I have to remind myself that the sad girl in the past just didn’t know that. She was told it went away forever, and that made her sadder.

In reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, one excerpt in the first few pages really spoke to me:

Once women have lost [the Wild Woman] and then found her again, they will contend to keep her for good. Once they have regained her, they will fight and fight hard to keep her, for with her their creative lives blossom; their relationships gain meaning and depth and health; their cycles of sexuality, creativity, work, and play are re-established; they are no longer marks for the predations of others; they are entitled equally under the laws of nature to go and thrive. Now their end-of-the-day fatigue comes from satisfying work and endeavors, not from being shut up in too small a mind-set, job, or relationship. They know instinctively when things must die and things must live; they know how to walk away, they know how to stay.

This excerpt is so empowering because it highlights that all women have the ability to find their original wild woman and excel, and though you may not be in that part of the journey yet, you are one step closer to her because every experience peels back a layer to let her shine through just a bit more.

I am deeply sorry for all of the judgement I cast. I had all of the same traits that I possess now, I just didn’t have the tools. As a child I was free and unashamed, as a teenager I was curious and experimental, as a young woman in my early twenties I was ambitious and tough, and rounding out the later years of my twenties, I can say I have all of these characteristics working in tandem, but with mental health as the glue.

I apologize fully to my past self. She went through hell for me, and she made my present state possible. I love that little sad girl, because the fire within her was always of tenacity and passion. She lived honestly within her means and she survived. She continues to survive, but she blossoms and flowers with the strength of her Wild Woman identity.

I can say now that I am still finding my way to the Wild Woman, but she is visible in the distance. When earlier I did not know which direction I was headed, I ended up back on the path that I belong. Every heartbreak, overdose, sexual victimization, binge and purge, starvation, maxed out credit card and penniless night was not in vain. Though it was not the easiest route, it was the one that we chose, and through it I am able to help others and speak from experience.

So when you reflect, when you compare yourself to how you were a few years ago, do it in a way that is enlightening, but also kind. You don’t need to bring internal shame, because you are here now doing what you need to do as she did years before you. Stay kind to yourself, and stay witchy ( *)

Making the Best Relationship You Can with the Worst Part of Yourself

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The Nine of Swords reversed is a card of sheer torment, anxiety and depression. It signifies utter sadness and despair. But, as with all cards of the tarot, there is a bright side: it is personal, which means it is manageable.

The title of this post is a quote from the book that I’m reading through now and am infatuated with, Women Who Run with the Wolves. I’m sure I’ve linked up to it in a past blog post. If you haven’t, buy it now.

It is such a powerful quote, because I truly believe that is the secret of self help. Knowing your faults, understanding your faults, and caring for them accordingly.

No one is perfect, nor will they ever be. But shaming yourself for your imperfections is more damaging than cleansing. It will spiral you down the well further to a point where you cannot see the light. And while there is always a way out, why delay the healing process?

So to make the best relationship with the worst part of oneself, where does one start?

Well, I think that you need to do a lot of self reflection in order to get to that worst part first. Mine is control and judgement. And those weren’t easy realizations to come to.

Understanding these faults comes with compassion. In doing some digging, I understand why these are present parts of my personality and knowing the backstory helps me to empathize with myself rather than throw shame in that direction. That is a great way to cultivate a relationship.

But then how do you care for them? Well each fault is unique to each person in accordance to their backstory. That is why the understanding portion is so crucial. But when you see these bad habits (or whatever you wish to call them) arise, you can sense them quickly, find the trigger, and do what you need to do to quell the urge to act on them. I repeat mantras and breathe, as most of you know. You can also give yourself space by removing yourself from a situation. Anything that will help you to care for that part of yourself that may be holding you back. Any team is only as strong as it’s weakest link.

Treat your “worst part” like your own child, but when they are having a tantrum. How are you best going to deal with this situation in order to come out on top? Spank them in public and cause a scene? Or remove yourself from a less-than-desirable situation and handle it after a few deep breaths? Remember to love all parts of yourself, and stay witchy ( *)

From Folklore to Reality: How Do We Use Intuition in Everyday Life?

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The High Priestess shows her dominion over pure intuition. As we read in fairy tales and folklore, we see old witches guide young princesses with their all knowing and all feminine counsel.

We are told through stories that all women have this power of intuition. That if we just tap into our sixth sense we can see through danger and navigate in a wise and wondrous way. But with all of the noise and a collection of “truths” throughout our lives, what does this look like in a modern day reality?

Now I know not everyone reading this blog is going to light incense and candles and meditate to clear their head (although I highly recommend it) but doing some soul searching and practicing self help is going to get you started on that path. Stripping away all of the collected nonsense to get you back to your authentic self will help in your journey to being intuitive. Listening to your gut is a very important guide; your body knows more than you do.

So, metaphorically, when you’re faced with evil stepsisters or a tyrannical king, you could be actually up against a group of mean girls or a sour employer. In these situations, you don’t let their truth change yours. You live forward and authentically, and that little light called intuition will help to steer you on the right path, Don’t be afraid to listen to her. Stay witchy ( *)