Where Are You In Your Journey: Episode 6



Episode 6 is live! Here you’ll meet Nyeelah Lewis, a New York based event planner, who shares about her early family life, unhealthy relationships, and struggling with confrontation, all while raising children. If you’d like to follow up with Nyeelah you can find her on Instagram.

Tune in below and on iTunes ( *)

Control Freaks and the Unknown


Reversed, the Emperor denotes excessive control and rigidity. And that sounds super familiar to me.

You see, regardless of the self help path that you venture on, you’re bound to revisit some demons. But when you face these demons with the tool belt you’ve stocked up, you’re more able to combat them in a successful way.

So, as a person who struggles with control, I constantly come into contact with situations that are far out of my control (obviously) and it makes my psyche suffer. Until I whip out my tool belt.

Let’s take, for example, my trip to Europe. I’ve always had a big problem with money anxiety and in order to keep that in check, I’ve used my tools. Let’s see what that looks like:

Alright so I booked the trip on October 1st. I set out a savings plan to give me “enough” money  (3000 US dollars projected) to last me the month that I’m away.

I’ve stuck with my plan to the best of my ability, and yet, there’s still anxiety surrounding the situation.


Because I’m facing an unknown. I’ve never been to Europe and I’m terrified that I’ll run out of money and be stranded.

But where does that stem from?

I’ve written about this before, and it was more philosophical, but now it’s personal. The reason why I feel like I need to control the money aspect is because I’m afraid of my spending habits while I’m there, and also the fear of being unable to support myself.

Having 3000 in hand is going to be as much as it is. That is the bottom line. But it isn’t the amount that’s scary. It’s me. I’ve lived with myself all of these years and know the rabbit hole I can fall down when I live recklessly. I’m still paying off a 15 grand debt from credit card purchases. 

So in order to combat the scariness that surrounds me, I breathe and recite mantras that instill trust in myself. I also research the hell out of prices in Europe for peace of mind, but I mostly breathe and chant.

You see, the money isn’t the issue. I have what I have and that is that. A five hundred dollar expense doesn’t just sneak up on you (under normal circumstances) so just remembering to have a little trust goes a really long way.

Having faith in yourself is difficult, because you are faced with your entire wrap sheet. But if you just take a breath, take a look at where you are, understand that there are forces outside of you that you have no control over, you actually gain peace of mind. Accepting and surrendering is the best way to stay on top of yourself. Remember to breathe and stay witchy ( *)


Why Do We Keep Getting in Our Own Way?


The Seven of Swords represents mental challenges; breaking old habits that have been built after reoccurring setbacks. This card shows the difficulty in embarking in a new direction, but the willingness to start a new chapter.

When something comes up that seems too good to be true, we tend to overthink things, re-rationalize, and convince ourselves out of the current situation in order to protect ourselves from what we have learned is the inevitable outcome. We self sabotage until we reach the end result we have come to know all too well.

If you start a new job that you absolutely adore but are afraid of being laid off yet again, start a new relationship but just know its not going to end well, or start a new project but just have this sinking feeling that it isn’t going to get the feedback you desire, then you have experienced this Negative Nancy syndrome. We set our expectations low and our hopes high in secret, only to prove to ourselves that we’re going to be let down again. Because if we do it to ourselves, it is easier to take then if we let someone else hurt us.

Now it is totally true that there are forces outside of us that we cannot control. We cannot control other peoples actions and we sure as hell can’t control the universe. And that is scary, because as humans we are soft and vulnerable at our core. But in order to be our happiest, we need to show up fully every time we get an opportunity to. We need to show that gooey soft core because that is human. And 9 times out of 10 it is received really well, because others need to feel that vulnerability to.

We’ve all had broken hearts. Lost jobs. Lost family members. Things that hurt more than any cut or burn. But these pains we experience are opportunities for growth, change and strength within us. They offer out two hands each holding a different outcome. On the one you can turn your pain into anger and distrust, or on the other you can turn it into compassion and healing. Which life sounds more appealing?

It is a simple fight or flight response to protect our heart from hurt with distrust. Distrust in another human, ourselves, and/or the environment. But that creates a very small world to live inside. It creates a little sad bubble where only you are invited, and you never get to experience anyone elses warmth because you never give out yours. Relationships of all kinds are two way streets, and you create this self sabotage when you take more than you get.

So try to get vulnerable with yourself first. Its a scary world out there, I know. But there is so much love and beauty to be experienced when you create some room to let it in. Don’t hide in the shadows. Get out there and feel the warmth of the sun. Start trusting, don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work out, and stay witchy ( *)