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I have been in a situation that I will allude to cryptically, but it is not one I can easily walk away from. There are a lot of personalities that I’ve come across lately that include entitlement and plain disrespect, and it’s kind of turned my entire world upside down.
When faced with a barrage of negativity as a generally positive and peaceful person, I get affected. And lately I have started to question my core beliefs because of this. Is the universe echoing to me what I’m putting out? Is manifestation even real? How is it possible that I can let this get to me so completely?
Which is why this situation is affecting my world around me. I’m absorbing and regurgitating these bad juju’s and I’m having encounters with people that I’ve never had before. Negative, awful, run ins. When I thought I had reached the light at the end of the tunnel, I was dropped into quicksand. Everything is cycling around me and it’s hard to see past the spiral.
Before I go on, let me be clear, as an empath, I understand what being sensitive actually is. It is not being dramatic, it is not flipping out or being easily offended. It is exactly what it is defined as:
adjective quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences; (of a person or a person’s behavior) having or displaying a quick and delicate appreciation of others’ feelings.
Which is why, when I am disrespected, talked down to, and belittled, I get affected. No, it is not because I believe I am unworthy. I’ve been through that before and no one can tell me I am not good enough anymore. But it’s because I sense the place that the other person is coming from, and it is a point of pain and insecurity. It is a small and infantile energy that pokes and prods and I want nothing to do with it, yet I’m somehow confined to continue dealing with a toddler that keeps flipping the back of my neck.
Which do you choose? The blue pill, or the red pill?
As a seeker of knowledge and truth, the red pill is not only attractive, it’s necessary for survival. I choose not to see a situation as an isolated interaction, but rather what it says about the entire environment. And because I choose to not live in ignorance, I have the power to step out of the matrix and redirect in a positive path.
I see the person who belittles as the small child that they are. Yes, it is annoying, but there is always a way out. It’s not my responsibility to parent the child, but it’s my responsibility to take care of myself. I ultimately can leave the playground if I choose to.
This involves Strength to see past the chaos of the Tower. Inevitably, the dissolution of this entire situation will bring more positivity than negativity, but it is up to me to dig myself out of the rubble. When something is not working, you either fix it, or accept that it is beyond repair.
So, witches, I have bad days too. I’ve had many in a row, actually. But I can get past them, and so can you, Stay strong, and stay witchy ( *)
When you turn around and see the Devil leering over your shoulder, it is time to get the fuck out. The chains of lust are not enough to keep you safe, and your safety is your main concern. To ignore him hiding in the bushes is denial, and he will inevitably bring you down.
The Devil shows obsession. Codependency. Impulsiveness. All of the quick-fix-sick-personality traits that are meant to fill a void in our heart but never will. And when we couple the Devil with the Lovers, we tend to care for our partner in a seemingly selfless way, but actually one which is purely selfish. They are the air we breathe, and we need to give them anything we have to keep them enabling our sickness.
When the relationship is toxic, and it generally is when it’s foundation is codependent, when do we know for ourselves when to stay and when to walk away?
I think realistically, one never knows concretely, black and white, when to walk away. It is not going to be written on a sign, in a textbook, or in a blog. Rather, it is a feeling in the gut, through your blood and rattling your bones. It is more than a decision on paper; it is a matter of life or death. To ignore our bodies responses to something toxic is spiritually irresponsible.
When I was in my toxic relationship, riddled with (rightful and deserved) paranoia and sick feelings, I ignored it. I shoved it down way deep inside because it was far more important to hear the words “I love you,” than to take responsibility for where I was in that time. I would have rather been an empty shell than alone. That was the state of the matter.
In fact, I knew I had to walk away. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was not only that I felt trapped in the matter, but I also didn’t want to leave. I was comfortable in tragedy. I felt at home in despair. Crying was my normal.
It’s easier said than done to extract yourself and have an out-of-body experience that pulls you out of the unnecessary nonsense. To realize that melancholy isn’t the end all be all. But the sadness is your body’s way of telling you that something isn’t right. I invite you to look at the ratio of bliss to sorrow. Make a list of pros and cons. And don’t cheat yourself; make an honest list. Your spirit will thank you. Stay witchy ( *)