I’m starting to switch gears a bit here. I’m looking to change up my posting schedule with the addition of my podcast and the new project I’m working on for My Trending Stories. As I have been regularly posting three times a week, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays, and will continue to do so, I will be adjusting some blog posts to allow myself more freedom to pursue my new projects (and potential clients!)
So looking forward, you’ll be seeing my traditional blog posts appearing on Mondays, an upload of my new project (coming next week!) on My Trending Stories on Wednesdays, and the Podcast appearing in the feed on Saturdays.
So, that being said, I have posted a link to my page with all of the fictional stories on My Trending Stories that I have written so far. Please enjoy and get ready for a new set of writings that I just know you’ll enjoy! Stay witchy ( *)
The Eight of Swords depicts a feeling of powerlessness, and nothing will make a person feel more powerless than sexual trauma. It’s an indescribable feeling of emptiness from abuse, but it is not the way one has to feel forever.
When one holds sexual trauma in their body, they will react to triggers. I’ve written about triggers before, but when you have been abused in a way that involves sex, intimacy with a partner is going to be a bit of a struggle. It can look like an unquenchable thirst, a sheer reluctance, or an all together abstinence. And with one of the definitive qualities of a sexual relationship versus a friendship being, well, sex, that can prove to be a bit of an adjustment.
First and foremost, anyone who has been sexually assaulted must seek out help and support however and whenever they can. It is a complete must and the avoidance of it will show up in very compromising ways. Mine showed up as codependency, as you’ve read in my previous post. But what if you’ve sought out the help, have been doing the work, and you get triggered during sex with your partner? What then?
Well this may come as a no-brainer to most of you, but it certainly wasn’t to me; in that very moment when you are triggered, you must stop whatever sexual act and breathe. You need to step away from the situation and take a minute to give yourself some time. Your feelings are perfectly valid and you need to re-calibrate yourself with the reality that you are in now. And as soon as you’ve given yourself some time to get to a calm state, you must have a conversation with your partner.
Whether they know about your trauma or not, whether you want them to or not, you need to set a boundary. Maybe the act was too hard, too fast, maybe he/ she said something that acted as a trigger, whatever the case may be, you need to express that you did not like what happened and that it is not allowed to happen again. This will be an act in self protection and self respect, and I can think of no where more deserving to be respected than in the bedroom. This is a place of safety and intimacy, and though you were wronged and abused in the past, you have always deserved that.
Now you don’t have to completely spill your heart out and tell your whole story, but if you want to then you should. Your partner should respect your wishes and listen to your boundaries, and if it becomes an argument, I suggest finding another partner. Your body is sacred, and it took me a long time to figure that out.
You do not owe anyone sex. And after a sexual assault, you’re going to need some time to work back into a feeling of safe intimacy. It is a confusing process, but creating sexual boundaries and honoring what you need from your partner will help you to get back to a safe place.
It is imperative that you feel comfortable with sex. Sex is a beautiful and natural act, and with someone you love can be completely fulfilling. And wherever you are in your recovery, you will find that unless you feel comfortable, it should not exist in the equation. Take care of your beautiful bodies and stay witchy ( *)
The page of pentacles appears when a new skill is being learned.
Recently I took up German. I’ve always wanted to learn this language and for some reason just never started, so I downloaded a few podcasts and Duolingo and have been practicing daily. I’d like to be fluent. Eventually.
On this new educational journey, interestingly enough, I’ve discovered something I kept back in my brain for quite a while…
Growing up in LA, I was surrounded by Spanish speakers. A lot of them being close friends. I would pick up words here and there, and I would use them as well.
While I was learning German on the train yesterday and mouthing the words, I got a clear as hell flashback to when I was playing handball with a friend. I was standing on the court with her and I said something in Spanish. She looked at me and laughed at my pronunciation. I remembered shrinking up and feeling really embarrassed. I wanted to crawl into a hole.
What. The. Fuck.
Was this it? Was this part of the reason why I haven’t tried to learn or speak another language? Because I was afraid of an elementary school comment?! I have had opportunities to use my Spanish and simply just wouldn’t because of embarrassment. I remember trying to learn Spanish in High School and would ditch on the days of oral exams. I could speak to the kitchen staff at my jobs in Spanish but relied only on English. Was this why?! This tiny little comment has apparently stayed with me in the weirdest way. This tiny fear bubble put a block on what I’ve wanted to do for quite some time. What a silly thing that ended up making a HUGE impact.
I always admired the girls that spoke multiple languages. I remember a great friend of mine in high school who was fluent in three. I thought she was so smart and glamorous. But it could never be that way for me.
I’ve noticed this with other things in my life as well. Some things that you take personally in childhood can follow you and frame who you are.
I made this comment mean that I couldn’t speak another language, so I just didn’t. I manifested this made-up narrative and it grew inside me to take a piece of control. That small instance made me lose my confidence.
Since I remembered, I’ve been embarrassed to say something incorrectly. This form of perfectionism has been a means for protection and control over my psyche.
I just discovered this yesterday and felt compelled to share. If you have have an inexplicable fear, embarrassment, or worry, try digging deep and seeing what you’ve repressed by edging through those fears. You might be surprised at the breakthrough. Stay adventurous and stay witchy ( *)
Today I want to talk about a podcast that is very near and dear to my heart. After a life changing relationship, I went to therapy and practiced yoga very regularly in order to heal myself. When I came to a point that I no longer felt therapy was necessary, I stumbled upon this podcast that has kept me doing the work and staying conscious about my emotional states.
Andrea Owen is a Southern Californian life coach and has incredible guests on her podcast. She’s big on women and self love and her guests give amazing advice and have such interesting stories.
When I’m on the train or go for a jog I turn on this podcast and it literally gets my fist pumping with agreement to all of the practices they preach. I HIGHLY urge you guys to check it out, especially if you feel as though you’re in a rut.
She has over 100 posts with a range of topics, has some solo shows and most of her guests have amazing credentials.
You can find her at the your kick ass life podcast and I highly recommend that you do!