Season 2 Episode 7

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witchywisdoms.com

Season 2, Episode 7 is live! In this interview, I get acquainted with Rhian Kivits! In this episode, we get intimate and talk about S E X. Find her on Instagram, Facebook, or on her website!

Listen up and stay witchy ( *)

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Tune in below and on iTunes, and be sure to subscribe and leave a rating!!! ( *)

Eliminating Shame from Sexuality

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When there is shame surrounding a topic, it takes something that should be beautiful and makes it seedy. It strips away all of the magic. It creates a dark air around it. And this is just as true for sex as any other taboo subject.

So, what can we do to eliminate the shame surrounding sex? How can we embrace our sexuality and live as sacred sexual beings day to day? Follow these tips to replace shame with confidence:

  1. Watch porn that suits you: 
    • A lot of the reason why people feel shame around sex is because they can’t relate themselves to feeling sexy. It’s almost as if it’s off limits because they subconsciously can’t see themselves as deserving. If this is part of your problem, I suggest watching porn with people that look like you that do what you like. There is so much on the internet with people of all colors, sexual preferences, body types, etc, that empowers the art of pleasure on every conceivable level. Watching realistic porn, instead of overly aggressive porn-star-porn, might help to add an inclusionary ideal to your own sex life.
  2. When appropriate, talk about it:
    • There’s nothing that takes the air out of a shame-tire like plain old words. Start talking about sex freely. Ask your girlfriends what their experiences are like. Ask your partner what they enjoy between the sheets. Open the dialogue and ask questions. Secrets are the main food source for shame, so take away it’s meal plan and start talking about it!
  3. Masterbate:
    • Getting acquainted with your body and learning what sets you on fire is a great way to eliminate shame. Our bodies are wired to react a certain way to stimulation. It’s natural! So learn what get’s you off and be proud of it!
  4. Confront what makes you uncomfortable: 
    • Do you shudder when you hear the word “vagina?” Do you want to run and hide at the idea of anal? What makes you want to duck for cover? Start taking note of your reactions to sex-related things and then do your research. I find that the more educated you are on a subject, the more comfortable you’ll feel about it.
  5. Allow yourself to feel sexy:
    • Dressing sexy is a big thing for me. I feel empowered when I can flaunt my sexuality and own it. However, that may be too bold for some. In that case, there are a myriad of more subtle approaches. Wear a new shade of lipstick, challenge yourself to wear a pair of heels, or sport some lingerie under your jeans and t-shirt. There are many undercover ways to embrace your inner goddess, and implementing them into your daily life will start to push shame out of the way.

Follow these tips at your own pace and you will start to see a shift from guilt to acceptance. Sex is a natural and beautiful thing, and as long as you do it with respect and consent, there is nothing to be ashamed of! Get your sexy on and stay witchy ( *)

Great Sexpectations (and the Shame Game)

When we’re talking about something as taboo as sex, we (as a society) tend to get a little uncomfortable. When we include shame in the dialogue, things get thrust into the shadows and we can’t celebrate our kinks. And what fun is that??

As a major proponent for open communication, I think it is equally as important in the bedroom as anywhere else. There is a 50/ 50 chance that your first time with a partner won’t be mind blowing, and that’s ok! True intimacy is a deep knowing of another, and that comes with time, and, plainly, opening your mouth (no pun intended.)

It is much more of a process for women to orgasm than men, and because of a conditioned shame towards sex and pleasure throughout our lives, some of us find it hard to communicate to our partner exactly what gets us going. Instead of empowering ourselves sexually, we’ll get in our heads and predict that it’s going to be “weird” to talk about, and then we live in an unfulfilled romance. We just expect things to get better magically, without thinking that you have to put forth some effort for the magic to happen.

To be honest, I am appalled that there are still women who fake orgasms. You’re not only doing yourself a wild injustice, but your partner is going to falsely walk around thinking they’re the shit. And every subsequent partner they have is going to fall victim to super disappointing sex. That’s just poor community service.

Instead, channel the Queen of Cups and gently express your pointers. Just as there are women who have shame surrounding the mere fact that they can’t get off easily, men have shame surrounding the fact that they aren’t Casanova straight out of the womb. By effectively communicating, you and your partner (whether it’s a one night stand or a ten year marriage) can have an incredibly connected experience. You’re both dedicating the time, so why not do it right?

The Two of Cups represents a point of intimacy that is unified. It takes two to tango, so why not be all inclusive? Your partner isn’t feeling the same sensations that you are, so clue them in. Talk them through it, and listen to what they have to say as well. When you are supplying pleasure for each other, there becomes a circulation of energy that is out of this freaking world, and sex becomes so much better than you could ever imagine.

Have you ever been lying underneath someone as they were tediously plowing away and all you could do was think about all of the laundry that was piling up in your closet? Well, consciously or not, your partner receives that message that you aren’t present. So one person is doing all of the work (poorly) and the end result is lackluster and boring. If you took initiative and consciously created a safe space where you two could be open, communicative, and wild,  you could reap the benefits of an incredibly cosmic experience. Don’t commit yourself to a life of bad sex; you deserve all of the pleasure in the world. Speak up and stay witchy ( *)

 

WednesdayWisdoms: Break Out of the Breakup

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Breaking up is hard to do, but with these simple tactics, you can get through it so much easier.

Earlier this week I talked about why letting go of heartbreak is so hard, and today I have some tips to ease the pain, including a special invite to my Masterclass starting next Tuesday.

  1. CRYING:
    • This tip is my favorite, because I am a BIG crier. Honestly, I believe that crying, no matter what triggered the tears, helps to wash away what is really bothering you. So, if you can’t cry on cue, I suggest turning on a sad movie, or even a really sad song. Anything that will get you going. Because I promise, you will not stop once you start.
  2. Kickboxing or any other physical activity:
    • If you are angry as fuck, there is nothing better than punching or kicking something. Even running or HIIT works too. Anything to get your body moving, heart pumping, and that negative energy out. Put on some empowering lady music, like Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter,” and get moving!
  3. Meditation:
    • This is a great tip regardless of if you’re going through a breakup or not. Meditation helps to clear a space in your brain, free from anxiety and safe from his name. This practice is a vacation from your sadness and worry. And it doesn’t have to be super traditional, either! Guided meditations from Simple Habit help to focus on someones voice. I like listening to white noise machines that play heavy rain. You can even listen to music and focus on the notes, which also helps to heal your heart chakra. There are plenty of ways to meditate that will suit your needs.
  4. Stop Obsessing (aka BLOCK)
    • This tip is essential, guys. Even if you broke up months ago, if you keep checking his/ her Facebook or Instagram to see if they’re dating someone yet, you’re obsessing. That space, that energy, that you’re using to think about him/ her, could be used to focus on yourself. So, just do yourself a favor and block. It doesn’t have to be with malicious intent, you’re just doing it for your own protection.
  5. Understand frequencies
    • When two people vibrate at the same frequency, an attraction forms. And when the attraction is strong, they form a relationship. Over time, people’s frequencies change. Sometimes for the better, or worse. It just depends on the direction of their growth. When this happens in a parallel motion, the relationship is sustained. However, when the frequencies are mismatched, there is a break in the relationship. And this is a GOOD THING. If you’ve outgrown your partner because you are vibrating at a higher frequency, then great! Appreciate what that person has given you, and move forward. And if you are the one that has been outgrown, take this gift from the universe and use it to focus on yourself. These are both blessings.
  6. Enroll in my workshop
    • Last, but not least, I want to invite my loyal blog readers to the Masterclass I am hosting for the month of August. From August 1st – 31st, join a Facebook group, led by me and my friend Rachel Spencer, with rituals, affirmations, journal exercises, and support from fellow women with heartbreak. Learn more about the class here and register via the link at the bottom.

Heartbreak is hard, I know, but these tips will make it easier. Be well, and I hope to see you all in August. Stay witchy ( *)

Sadness is the Anti-Pheromone

Brought to you by an epiphany during my latest vacation home, here is a break down of the power of sadness:

Let me tell you, from pure experience, that sadness and desperation is a stench. It’s an obvious aura that is just plain freaking unattractive. Harsh, right?

Well in simple terms, your inside dictates your outside. When you feel sad and need constant validation that you are worthy of love, your actions will mimic this feeling. Your unintentional belief that you are not enough will cause this obvious energy that no one (except for two kinds of people) will flock to.

Who are they? Let’s look at exhibit A: The Sick Girls (aka the Pack)

Like attracts like, and when your idea of yourself is something sad and invaluable, you will most likely fall into a group of negative girls that think the same thing about themselves. Together you’ll harness all of this sick, negative energy, and then direct it outwards to people who don’t deserve it. You will be giving out a direct reflection of yourself onto innocent bystanders. The attraction of these kinds of girls is involuntary; it’s almost as if you all smelled the same scent on each other to know you are the same species.

And then there is exhibit B: The Unattainable Man (aka the Predator)

This is a man who would love to sleep with you during a one night stand and then never answer a text. And lets unpack this real quick, because I am an EXPERT in this area. First off, when you are sloppy drunk and looking to cut corners in love by grabbing the first guy to give you a side eye and taking him home, you are not only completely ignoring quality, but you aren’t valuing yourself and what you deserve. This, might I add, is completely different than doing it on your own terms and knowing exactly what you’re getting into (i.e. NOT LOVE.) And, when you can’t get the guy off of your mind because he paid you the tiniest bit of what you crave and you start to send drunk texts as a half assed approach to show interest, that becomes a turn off unless the man is clinical. He may reciprocate to get what he wants, but he unconsciously knows you don’t value yourself, so why the hell should he?

Let me put it to you this way, if someone was following you around, desperately texting and calling in order to get a sliver of attention, and assuming you’re of somewhat sound mind, you’d find that to be a bit of a turn off, right?

So, here you can see that while you’d like to paint the picture of the Queen of Wands, your inner Nine of Swords is far more noticeable than your flimsy facade. That inner turmoil, anxiety, and desperation for love and attention is a sneaky snitch. Your body language, actions, and energy will always rat you out when you aren’t willing to.

However, I think that if this is something you’re experiencing regularly, you have been given the gift of a pattern. You have the ability to notice the pattern, and therefore the ability to CHANGE the pattern.

Play some role reversal, here. Do you want a man of quality, with a real sense of self and a sense of respect? Or do you want a drunk crying blob that you have to take care of in order to get a few nights of sloppy sex?

Ru says it best ladies: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gunna love somebody else?”

Can I get an amen up in here??

So, to not end on a depressing note, remember that everything starts with YOU. You want the man, the good job, and the fabulous life? Well, you have to start small. Take tiny steps to remind yourself that you are worthy of it. It won’t feel genuine at first, because of years of conditioning, but you must fake it till you make it baby. Look yourself dead in the eye in the mirror and say “I love you.” And one day you’ll wake up and believe it.

And PLEASE don’t cut corners. Sleeping with a stranger one drunken night does not a relationship make. You have to put in the work. You can’t just hop into bed and expect to fall in love. It just doesn’t work that way. Standards, boundaries, and plain old self love are the keys here. And if you don’t have any standards yet, stay tuned for the exercise on Wednesday. Remember that you are loved, you are worthy, and to always stay witchy ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: Sex Magick

Brought to you by popular demand: your very own, beginners, sex magic ritual!

Ok, so first things first, if you are looking to be more sexy, have better sex, or have a lot of sex, this is not where you need to be. Sex magick is a form of manifestation.

Sex and orgasms are energy, and this post will teach you how to harness that energy for greatness. This kind of energy is super powerful and works especially well on a full moon.

Alright, so here go the basics:

Step one is figuring out what you want to manifest. Get really specific about the thing you want most in life. Write it out and charge it with an intention. You have to give energy to receive.

Then we’re going to assign this object a symbol of some sort. You can make your own, or attribute a picture to it. Make sure it is visible in your minds eye.

And now for the fun part! Either by yourself, or with a partner, it’s time to get busy 😉 Build yourself up slowly so you can release as much energy as possible.

Finally, when you are just about to climax, hold the image you wish to manifest in your minds eye. Hold it there steady and clearly while you orgasm. This flow of energy will charge the manifestation and make your wish cum true!

Sex magick for beginners is not only quite simple, but very powerful. Full moon energy, helps to enrich the manifestation, but is not necessary. Be free to practice as much as you like, but remember, if you get greedy and start manifesting everything, you might create an energy shift you won’t be happy with. Work on one thing at a time, give thanks to the moon, and stay witchy ( *)

Why Your Sexual Fruit is Sacred, but There’s No Shame in Sharing Some of the Juice 


My relationship with sex has been a complicated one. It must have started out with the pressure of losing my virginity, because I slept with a boyfriend of four days “just to get it over with.” This kind of set the pace for devaluing my body, and I didn’t even know the power and sacredness of my sexuality.

It also didn’t help that I caught that boyfriend cheating on me with his neighbor. This incident created a haphazard idea of sex. That it just didn’t matter.

The road became more and more cluttered when I realized that I so desperately wanted, NEEDED, male attention. I was craving love of any kind, so I would drunkenly throw myself at men and then become puzzled as to why they weren’t in love with me. Like, why isn’t this like in the movies???

Further down the line, I would try to pretend that my unsuccessful tactics, and the inevitable outcomes, didn’t bother me. I was just going to Samantha Jones myself through life and hope someone respected me along the way. But sex or not, I didn’t respect myself. See whats wrong with this picture?

Then, as you know, I was raped. What a freakin doozey that was in my sexual landscape. That turned everything upside down, flipped it, and reversed it (thanks Missy.) Now fear was a factor. How was I supposed to land a man if I couldn’t let him touch me?

And lo and behold, who is there to pop up? But my infamous ex. I felt comfortable around him, got drunk, and took him home on the first night. He stayed for the next three days. And rather than questioning if he should be at his job, I let our insecurities click and the rest is history.

So all of this leading up to my turning point was synonymous with the message of The Devil. I was ruled by obsession and trauma, rather than intuition, respect, and just plain logic. I gave away the whole fruit and couldn’t satisfy myself.

Nowadays it’s a whole different ballgame. I have done the work and thoroughly respect my body, but let’s be honest, we all need a little pleasure in our lives. I do not want a relationship right now, but I’m not above a hookup. The difference here is that I understand what I want, I communicate effectively with a potential partner, we are both 100% consenting, and there is no grey area of sadness and depression.

The Lovers describes a union and an alignment of values. That is the important part, and what I was missing the whole time. Trying to drunkenly (and half-assededly I might add) seduce a man into loving me and then cry when he doesn’t is idiotic. Being up front about what you need in a partner and seeing if your values align gives you a choice, and if you choose to give your body over to someone who doesn’t want what you want, you’re putting yourself in a compromising position. You’re setting yourself up for hurt. And to do it over and over and over again expecting different results is insane. You gotta revolutionize your sexy little world to find that happiness. Cuz it’s hiding on the other side of the bed.

Sex might be a plush display of love in a steamy relationship, or a taboo icon that is used for selling t-shirts and hamburgers, but it is also a necessary way of life. Sex is sacred, yes, but it is also fun and pleasurable and NATURAL. You don’t have to wear a chastity belt for the rest of your life in order to protect yourself. You just have to get to the root of your needs. If your needs consist of a sweet and quick release, then by all means sugar, get yours (while staying safe.) And if your needs consist of a relationship, get to dating! Communicate that you are looking for a partner and don’t settle for less. You can’t change his mind with sex. It has never happened and never will. Align your values before you get busy.

So sex wisely, my kittens. You’re worthy of a good time. Just be sure you protect your heart first, and stay witchy ( *)