Tales From My Bedroom Floor: Volume 4, The Best Friend

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Volume 4 is now up on My Trending Stories! Go read here:  https://mytrendingstories.com/article/tales-from-my-bedroom-floor-volume-4-the-best-friend/

In this six part series, I go through times that were pivotal in collecting my personal and detrimental belief system, all while crying on my bedroom floor.

And if you like my writing so far, please share and comment. I’m working on a new and long term project and would really like some feedback on my writing style. Thanks ya’ll and stay witchy ( *)

What is Holding Me Back?

Hello witchy readers! Welcome to a three part series that is basically an open book worksheet in self- awareness. In this three-parter I’m going to sift through and discover some traits that I possess that are holding me back, traits that I admire, and how to move into my ultimate awesome self by employing some self help skills. I invite you all to do this along with me, cards or not.

Lately in my daily readings I have been having strong emotional reactions to cards that illustrate some of my shortcomings (no one is perfect,) and in the spirit of getting curious, I thought I would openly sift through the clutter in the hopes that it may help a few of you as well. Within this series, I’m going to be using cards to illustrate certain qualities. Not that these cards or qualities should be shamed in any way because of their context, but to help drive the point further.I want to make this clear: these cards do not definitively mean what I have associated them with. They are merely my interpretations to fit my life and my story. If they show up in a reading for you, they can mean something entirely different.

Now lets dive in.

So at first glance we see the suit of swords popping up frequently, one Major Arcana, and a reversed court card. The suit of swords deals with the mental level of consciousness; intellect, action, and change. Major Arcana cards represent large life lessons or obstacles. Kings represent a strong, powerful, male influence within the suit.

The Two of Swords represents how I block my feelings. After many bad experiences, I have created a wall around myself to protect me. Not in the way of healthy boundaries, but in order to not let anyone in. I see myself do this in the way of self sabotage.

The Ten of Swords represents how easy it is for me to fall into self pity. I have an easier time recognizing the triggers now, but when things are not going well, I tend to fall down the rabbit hole.

The Eight of Swords represents a lack of direction. This isn’t actually representative of myself, but it’s a trigger for anxiety. I feel as though if I don’t have a plan, everything will go to shit and the world will be set on fire. This fear is hindering at times.

The Moon represents being overcome by anxieties. This Major Arcana card also reinforces the previous in the theme of confusion. When my anxieties take a hold of me, I become completely derailed and focus only on the negative.

The King of Wands reversed is a big one for me. He represents impulsiveness. I have written before about acting with intention over impulse, and he is the inspiration. My anxiety drives me to act impulsively, and this is something I have been working on as of late.

 

At the end of the day, I do not want to be a closed off hermit who wraps herself in a blanket of anxieties and never experiences happiness because I am getting in my own way. While that is an extreme metaphor, if it weren’t for self help and doing the work, it’s not far from what could actually happen. Through tarot and self help, I am discovering (and can help you discover!) the biggest obstacles in the way of enlightenment and happiness. And the coolest part about this exercise is that these cards were all in my spread today when asking to show my shortcomings. The cards can be very honest when you listen properly.Stay tuned in two days for part 2 and stay witchy ( *)

Why Pity Parties Don’t Work

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In the Five of Cups, we see a man cloaked in despair. He is focusing on three spilled cups in front of him, and is unaware of the two cups,still full, behind him.

And that is Lame Ass, amiright?

Pity parties can be fun for a hot second, like when you really just need to be dramatic and let it out. But there is a clear and evident time for when to end that shit, get back on the horse, and be thankful you still have those two full cups behind you.I know that it is hard not to feel bad and sorry for yourself, but when you do, you are wasting precious, valuable time you could be using to bounce back.

Grief is real and should be felt. Sadness is a true emotion and should be treated with care. But to sit around and whine about how bad things only happen to you and that you’ll never heal from this setback and that life is too hard is just plain annoying. None of that is true and to lower yourself to that level is insulting to your insides. You should get real with yourself and realize that no matter how bad your situation is, there is someone out there with it ten times worse who has already shaped up and is on the road to recovery.

When my little dog, my best friend in the world, passed away, I was the Queen of Pity Parties. Not only had I been reigning royalty in the court for years beforehand, but once we had to put little Max down, my title was stronger than ever. I walked around mopey, convinced that no one had it as hard as I did (a privileged, attractive, white female growing up in one of the biggest cities in the world.)

I didn’t actually grieve. I was sad, of course, but the sadness was just stagnant because I didn’t know what to do with it. I used that sadness as a crutch, because I was already just unhappy altogether. My dog passing away, which, in a vacuum, is sad as hell to begin with, was compounded with all of my other “stuff” and blown out of proportion. Because I was looking for any excuse to feel bad for myself, I took it to a whole other level and basically demanded attention from people through it. Which is super fucked up (R.I.P. Maxy Boy.)

So the point is, there is a stark difference between grief and feeling sorry for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself takes away from the actual incident and inhibits your ability to heal. Grief and sadness are normal human reactions and are necessary for growth. Self-pity is a crutch. Clarity through healing is an open door.

So get up off that floor and dry your tears. There’s always a way out, and it starts with you taking the focus off of your pain and putting it onto your healing and the resources your still have. Those are your two full cups. Remember that, and stay witchy ( *)