Tag: self love

37777199_10157749527189498_7220090107636744192_nAriella Upton is a solitary eclectic witch who was raised by a Christian kitchen witch. She has a wealth of knowledge about herbs, crystals, natural remedies, gardening, history, religion and is currently studying astrology. She works as a PA & manager on Maui, and spends her free time with her magickal family in the forests and beaches they call home. Her shop is on Instagram as @the.celestial.rose where she sells jewelry, artesian smudge sticks, antiques, books and more.

Ahh, Venus, how we adore you!  She rules over our relationships, our concept of beauty, our love style and everything we associate with being “nice” in our opinions.  So what do we do now that Venus is in Scorpio? Do we bang anything that moves? Do we cut out everything unpleasent in our lives? Do we change how and who we love completely?

I recently had a discussion about this shift with another astrology-curious friend, and I mentioned to her that since Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, which is associated with sex, death and transformation, that many things ruled by Venus would be experiencing these shifts.  

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Like what?  Well, all relationships are a matter of Venus because she shows us how we display affection and appreciation.  You may find old friendships, lovers or maybe even a long-term relationship is no longer aligned with your life.  Scorpio is working in your life to transform you from tolerating your existing paradigm to THRIVING. The old relationships that were waiting to crumble will likely be expedited by this Scorpion energy, and you may find it intolerable to associate with these people who need to GTFO of your life.  Let them go in peace, as they are probably experiencing a similar perspective shift about you.

It can be a painful time, and though these people are not physically dead, it may still incite a period of greiving of what has been lost, and that is totally ok.  Greive for the loss, go through the stages, but MOST IMPORTANTLY you must heal and become better than you were before. Don’t bother dumping toxic relationships if you are just going to find new ones.  Have the courage to listen to your intuition and act accordingly from now on.

Venus is also associated with our self-worth, ability to earn and even jewelry or fine clothes.  Positioned in Scorpio, she helps us to reconcile our sexualities and material worth by aligning to what truly feels right and good for our highter selves.  Scorpio is a pretty intense energy, and you are not going to win over her insistence to transform. Allow yourself the space and compassion to eliminate the old baggage weighing you down, which in turn will leave more room for the things we love and are truly passionate about (hey-o, Venus!)  This may include a physical purging of things taking up space in your home… might be a good time to have a garage sale or donate your unwanted goods to a charity/thrift store. It can also bring about questioning your self-worth… maybe you don’t charge enough for your goods and services. Maybe you don’t accept praise without doubt.  Whatever is holding you back is getting chucked; just do it!

 

Why I Always Romanticized the Word “Tragic”

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I remember being 13 and wanting to be miserable. 

You know the saying, “misery loves company”? 

Misery loves familiarity. And romanticizing tragedy was so aligned with my state at that time. I needed tragic to be romantic so I could feel a sense of worth. 

There was something about the skinny, miserable, cigarette smoking girls I would see in movies that was glamorous to me. It was like validation. But I wasn’t looking at the big picture. I was looking to feel comfortable, instead of getting UNcomfortable and completely changing my state. 

My perspective was looking across the floorboards to find loose change under couches, instead of standing up and seeing the entire room. My view was low and targeted, instead of vast and abundant. 

This was very reminiscent of the 8 of Swords. Blindfolded and bound, unaware of the way out that was right in front of me at the time. Tragedy wasn’t the answer, opening my eyes was. 

I needed to see the World. I needed to view the fulfillment you can achieve by waking up. I couldn’t feel whole without getting out of my own head. And once I did, the magic happened. 

If this sounds like you, and you love tragedy, and negativity follows you, it’s time to step back. Every time you feel down, think of your mental state. You are your own prisoner; you can open the cell at any time. Get out of your head, and stay witchy ( *)

Sadness is the Anti-Pheromone

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Brought to you by an epiphany during my latest vacation home, here is a break down of the power of sadness:

Let me tell you, from pure experience, that sadness and desperation is a stench. It’s an obvious aura that is just plain freaking unattractive. Harsh, right?

Well in simple terms, your inside dictates your outside. When you feel sad and need constant validation that you are worthy of love, your actions will mimic this feeling. Your unintentional belief that you are not enough will cause this obvious energy that no one (except for two kinds of people) will flock to.

Who are they? Let’s look at exhibit A: The Sick Girls (aka the Pack)

Like attracts like, and when your idea of yourself is something sad and invaluable, you will most likely fall into a group of negative girls that think the same thing about themselves. Together you’ll harness all of this sick, negative energy, and then direct it outwards to people who don’t deserve it. You will be giving out a direct reflection of yourself onto innocent bystanders. The attraction of these kinds of girls is involuntary; it’s almost as if you all smelled the same scent on each other to know you are the same species.

And then there is exhibit B: The Unattainable Man (aka the Predator)

This is a man who would love to sleep with you during a one night stand and then never answer a text. And lets unpack this real quick, because I am an EXPERT in this area. First off, when you are sloppy drunk and looking to cut corners in love by grabbing the first guy to give you a side eye and taking him home, you are not only completely ignoring quality, but you aren’t valuing yourself and what you deserve. This, might I add, is completely different than doing it on your own terms and knowing exactly what you’re getting into (i.e. NOT LOVE.) And, when you can’t get the guy off of your mind because he paid you the tiniest bit of what you crave and you start to send drunk texts as a half assed approach to show interest, that becomes a turn off unless the man is clinical. He may reciprocate to get what he wants, but he unconsciously knows you don’t value yourself, so why the hell should he?

Let me put it to you this way, if someone was following you around, desperately texting and calling in order to get a sliver of attention, and assuming you’re of somewhat sound mind, you’d find that to be a bit of a turn off, right?

So, here you can see that while you’d like to paint the picture of the Queen of Wands, your inner Nine of Swords is far more noticeable than your flimsy facade. That inner turmoil, anxiety, and desperation for love and attention is a sneaky snitch. Your body language, actions, and energy will always rat you out when you aren’t willing to.

However, I think that if this is something you’re experiencing regularly, you have been given the gift of a pattern. You have the ability to notice the pattern, and therefore the ability to CHANGE the pattern.

Play some role reversal, here. Do you want a man of quality, with a real sense of self and a sense of respect? Or do you want a drunk crying blob that you have to take care of in order to get a few nights of sloppy sex?

Ru says it best ladies: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gunna love somebody else?”

Can I get an amen up in here??

So, to not end on a depressing note, remember that everything starts with YOU. You want the man, the good job, and the fabulous life? Well, you have to start small. Take tiny steps to remind yourself that you are worthy of it. It won’t feel genuine at first, because of years of conditioning, but you must fake it till you make it baby. Look yourself dead in the eye in the mirror and say “I love you.” And one day you’ll wake up and believe it.

And PLEASE don’t cut corners. Sleeping with a stranger one drunken night does not a relationship make. You have to put in the work. You can’t just hop into bed and expect to fall in love. It just doesn’t work that way. Standards, boundaries, and plain old self love are the keys here. And if you don’t have any standards yet, stay tuned for the exercise on Wednesday. Remember that you are loved, you are worthy, and to always stay witchy ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: Appreciating Your Body

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The above photo is from a few months after my battle with bulimia. I wasn’t doing the work, I just stopped throwing up. And I still looked completely miserable.

Regardless of how much work I have put in into loving myself over the years, I can still look at myself in the mirror and pick out reasons to not love my body. I can pinpoint them and mock them for not being “perfect” like they “should” be.

But that is absolute and total bullshit. My body is configured the way it is because it serves a purpose. It allows me to live and breathe, and any other judgement I pass on it is merely voicing the brainwashing tactics of the media.

So for this week’s exercise, I want you to do what I did when I wanted to stop harming my body with bad eating habits. I want you to stand in front of a full length mirror, naked, and complete a body scan.

Start from your toes, and thank them for the purpose they serve as a functioning member of your body, and name that purpose. Move to your feet, up your ankles, to your calves, knees, thighs, butt, hips, stomach, and so on. Thank each part of your body for what is ACTUALLY does, without any scrutiny, and appreciate your body for moving you through life.

I think the biggest reason why I abused my body so much is because I didn’t see it for it’s purpose. I saw it as an image, instead of a vessel for important work. I saw it as “too” this or “too” that, instead of the machine that carries me through life. When we start to take note of the reality of things, away from the messages we receive through the media, we can gain our own clarity and peace. Stay appreciative, and stay witchy ( *)

Are You Ready to Stop Running?

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In last weeks exercise, we talked about being alone. I know that is a scary thing for most of us, but it is a necessary stage for growth. We spend most of our lives running from our fears, when really we need to stop and take account of where we are, so we can start running towards our dreams.

The Devil indicates smothering desires that help us run. And they work, for a bit. They say in program that it works until it doesn’t, and generally we know when that is, we’re just too afraid to stop. Taking accountability is not an easy task, especially when you’ve been running from it your whole life.

I don’t know about you, but running is exhausting. It feels great at first, because you’re getting an instant reward. But when you keep hammering the pavement and chasing the initial high that brought you so much joy from escape, and realize it never will be fulfilling, your little demons start to catch up to you. And then, running feels like life or death.

It takes a lot of Strength to stop and face those demons. To look at them in the face, accept them, and shake their hands so you can move forward. It’s not an easy task, but it is essential if you want to flourish. Otherwise you’re just trying to escape the inescapable: the truth.

The universe doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. But it takes courage to stand still. Shifting the motion from backpedaling in fear to propelling forward in desire is a thing of beauty. But there must be an instant of complete motionlessness in order to do that. Dig deep, find your bravery, stand still, and stay witchy ( *)

As a side note: April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. As I have shared in my blog, I am a survivor. I am hosting on my Instagram page (@witchywisdoms) an awareness challenge that asks anyone (survivor or not) to post a selfie with the hashtag #istandwithmysurvivors so that those who have been sexually assaulted will know they are believed and loved.

In addition, I have created an anonymous tumblr thread for survivors to ask me questions directly, post a thread of their own, share their story, and offer community. I will keep this thread open for as long as it is needed. I’ve also created a new tab up at the top of my page titled “Safe Space” where you can find the link. Be brave and be strong ( *)

Where Are You In Your Journey: Episode 4

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witchywisdoms.com

Episode 4 is live! I’m coming to you solo today to talk about the podcast, a short version of my journey, and overall witchiness.

 

Listen below and subscribe on iTunes!

 

Where Are You In Your Journey: Episode 1

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I’m SO EXCITED to bring the first ever podcast! Here you’ll meet Hannah Fuller, who shares her story about body image, competition, and carving out an identity in an image-driven industry.

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http://www.itsafullerlife.com

Please enjoy here, on Soundcloud through Shawn Engel, and on iTunes

Consistency in a Nutshell

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The Magician is all about concentration and action, and if you’ve ever seen someone with a consistent work ethic, it may look to you like they have a magical quality.

Rachel Luna, an ex-Marine and life coach, says it best: consistency is honoring your commitment to yourself. And it really is that cut and dry. When there’s an air of inconsistency, and you feel like you just don’t have enough time to get the work that you need done, it is almost always because you’ve filled your day with things that do not serve you. And rather than watching that fifth episode of Narcos or scrolling through your Instagram explore page, you could be honoring the commitment that you made to yourself to accomplish your goals.

I find it incredibly useful to have a structured schedule for the week. I have days that my blog is supposed to be posted, I have days where I will write and post for My Trending Stories, I have my weekly mornings scheduled to watch the news and work out, and knowing I’ve made those commitments to myself in an organized fashion helps me to stay on top of it. It isn’t witchcraft, it isn’t voodoo, it’s prioritizing. And if you’re anything like me, consistency makes you feel better about your life.

And if you need help in organizing your week, head over to my Products page and print out one of the free weekly planners. It will help in assisting the consistency you’re trying to achieve. Get out there, accomplish your goals, and stay witchy ( *)

Self Permission

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As my Euro trip comes to a close, I want to touch on an important issue for most every woman on vacation, and that is allowing yourself permission in terms of diet and exercise. 

Yes it is the New Year and I’m sure most of you have weight-related resolutions, but let’s get this shit straight: you are human, and excessive rigidity always fires back with a huge and devastating relapse. 

As a woman with body image issues, going on a month long Euro-trip devoid of exercise and full of heavy meat and potatoes can really take its toll on you mentally, especially when you’re used to a pretty regular regimen of running, yoga, and vegetables. But along with self permission comes moderation, and we all need to remember that it’s ok to allow yourself to enjoy life. 

My sister and I have been walking between 2 and 8 miles a day and eating a budget-friendly diet, so while it may be rich in red meat and starch, it is also in small portions and surrounded by smaller healthier meals. This constitutes for moderation, but I digress. 

In situations like this, it is very easy to beat yourself up for not eating a superfood for every meal, especially when you see European beauties in tiny Brazilian bikinis at every thermal bath in Budapest. It is easy to compare your body and blame yourself because you had a hot meal. But this is not conducive to your mental well being AT ALL. That will not make you feel better about your body, make you skinnier, make you have less cellulite. And dieting on vacation is just as inane. You’re here to experience life and the cultures, eat their food and socialize, and just plain have fun. Focusing on your body image and what you ate for lunch takes away every bit of beauty because you’re focusing on the wrong damn thing. So this is where self permission comes in. You need to allow yourself the modest freedom to enjoy life. You aren’t a glutton. You’re on fucking vacation. 

So next time you feel like you really want that pistachio cheesecake after you’ve been eating really well, let yourself have it! You can’t starve yourself into a better you, trust me I’ve tried. Next time you’re tired from working late and can’t muscle up the energy to run 5 miles in the morning, allow yourself to sleep in a little later and do a 30 minute kickboxing video. Or, allow yourself the day to recoup. It’s not the end of the world. Changing your diet and exercise routine is a lifestyle change. It’s not a quick fix, but when you eat well and exercise over all, you’re definitely going to deserve to have treats and rest days. Moderation is key, and self permission is part of self love. Stay witchy ( *)

How Opening Your Heart Helps You Forgive

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If you’ve been hurt before, it’s definitely a struggle to get back on the horse. You’re going to carry some baggage, and hopefully you’ve learned some things along the way that make you a little less naive.

After a toxic relationship, it is super easy to hate the other person, talk badly about them, and at the same time, beat yourself up for trusting them. I mean, it had to be someone’s fault, right?

But I think it is important to remember that, at the time, there was something there that you loved or admired about the other person. There were actually good times amongst the shit, and though the shit prevailed, you have to look at the relationship in its entirety.

When you begin again and take a leap of faith with someone new, it is also easy to fall into a compare mode. This isn’t fair, because this is a whole new person with a whole new set of inner workings, but what else do you have to base your knowledge off of so you don’t make the same mistake twice? You need a blueprint before you can build a house.

What I’ve been trying to do, as of late, is look for the positives and negatives in my approach. That is all we are responsible for and all that we can control. And through my healing from codependency and my tireless work on myself, I can say that putting my feelings out there and being a supportive and nurturing partner is not something I can beat myself up for. It is part of my authentic being, but I should only use it where it is deserved and not at a detriment to myself. And boundaries will help to keep that light alive.

But by looking at myself, looking forward, and opening my heart again, I can free up all of this negative energy that was once used as a shield for my pain. I make an effort to empty out the bad jujus to make room for the good. I understand that my ex loved me the best he could at the time, because he was sick. And I the same for him. And there were good times. But that is the past, and that relationship served as a period for growth and nothing more.

Love is hard and scary. But for every nugget of fear and difficulty, there is a high of such amazing proportions that makes it all worth it. And while there is bountiful uncertainty in the future, there is always a way to forgive and be grateful for the past. Live authentically, love authentically, and stay witchy ( *)