Vacation Wrap Up

Well witches, I’m back! I’m ready to get back fully into writing and sharing and I am bursting with new projects and ideas to help my coven blossom!

Pictured above is the Two of Wands, one of my favorite cards, which can denote discovery when you step out of your comfort zone. And this was definitely that for me. I have been working since I was thirteen years old, and am fairly new in the self help game, so taking a large break and leap of faith in five European countries was quite eye opening.

As some of you know, I came here to visit with my sister and go on this excursion together. We’ve been on three trains, five planes, and to seven cities, and if that isn’t going to put stress on a relationship, I don’t know what will. It’s very enlightening to travel with someone, and this took the cake.

Well to my pleasant, not-so-much surprise, we were not only excellent travel companions, but also extraordinarily supportive of each other. We knew each other’s needs (i.e. The Hanger) and were patient with each other pretty much every step of the way. Putting our heads together in the way of navigating and communicating served us very well. But aside from probably being able to win The Amazing Race, we had incredible heart to hearts where I learned so much about this incredible woman who I’m so lucky to have as a sister.

She is an extremely wise, take-no-shit old soul who really cares for herself. She embodies a true, wild young woman who is passionate about life and holds firm and strong values. And not without her own experiences and setbacks. She has molded a truly inspiring outlook on the world and makes me so incredibly proud. She also makes me very grateful to be doing the work that I do, for not many women are as fortunate as her to be endowed with her wisdom.

I also learned, or more so enforced my belief, that self help must be practiced 24/7, less you lose yourself in your negative self talk. Backpacking through countries, staying in 10 bed hostels, and eating foods you wouldn’t normally isn’t going to give you a red carpet glow. And being a little bloated with no makeup, natural hair and a couple of angry pimples (mostly from flying) doesn’t make you really feel on top of your game when you have vanity issues. So if you aren’t practicing your self help tools and all you’re doing is comparing yourself to other women around you, you lose yourself in a negative spiral that takes away from this enormously beautiful experience. I mean, fuck what you look like in a selfie, you’re literally standing in front of the Coliseum! This is for real memories, not to showcase a false ideal. I traveled and experienced. I did not spend the whole time in the bathroom contouring for a good photo. I also dressed warm because it is literally 6 degrees out, so yeah, I’m going to look a little puffy. That’s not the point though. The point is to focus on the incredible experience that I’ve been given. And only being able to intermittently write and read and listen to my podcasts has allowed some of that back of the head bitch talk to sneak its way in. Luckily though, I have my beautiful and wise sister to put things in perspective, as I have helped to do for her.

We really bounced off of each other a lot on this vacation in very positive ways and I wouldn’t trade this experience for the whole world. But it’s time to get back to reality and get my life and career back in gear with all of the new things I’ve seen and learned. Can’t wait to spend 2017 with you witchies! ( *)

My New York Anniversary

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As the Four of Wands signifies harmony and homecoming, I find it fitting to use it for today, the day that three years ago I moved to NYC.

It has not all been harmonious. Definitely not easy. But my time spent living in this wonderful city has catapulted my growth from just beginning to aspiring life coach.

I think that regardless of where you are in the world, if you are away from your comfort zone you are forced to grow. When your family and friends are far and you’re made to experience things without a safety net, you realize just how strong you are. New York has shown this to me, and I am forever grateful.

This is my forever home, and I will always admire it. From putting you on a pedestal to dragging you through the gutter, this wonderful, dirty, beautiful, fucked up city is one of a kind. Thank you New York. Stay witchy ( *)

Your Goal, Your Motivator, and the Journey

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The Chariot is a very triumphant card that represents conquest through willpower and determination. And for every task that can be succeeded, there is a motivator to keep the tenacity alive.

But what motivates you? And does that motivator lead to healthy goals?

While it can be argued that regardless of the motivator, the completion of the task is what is important. But, this combo says a lot about you and will unearth a lot of deeper soul stuff. This will help show you where you are in your life.

Personally, men and love were my motivators for a very long time. And the journey to the goal was quite unhealthy. I would go out of my way to do things that I wouldn’t normally do, some dangerous, some not, in order to be liked more by the male species. And once I realized that none of these decisions were actually mine, my whole world got flipped upside down.

Suffering with bulimia was motivated by men and love. If I could just get skinny enough, I would find my soulmate, put on that size zero white dress, and walk down the aisle. I just needed to be thin in order for that to happen. Being thin and finding love was the goal. Men and love were the motivators, and bulimia was the journey.

Being cool and bad ass by smoking a bunch of meth was motivated by men and love. If I quit doing that, I would be uncool and lose my amazing drug dealing boyfriend who still lived with his grandparents.And what a catch he was! He was the motivator, being cool was the goal, and ruining my body with illicit substances was the journey.

Trying to make a toxic and co-dependent relationship work was motivated by men and love. Because who could love the failure and the quitter that couldn’t get her boyfriend off of heroin? The goal was a perfect relationship, that man, and ultimately love, were the motivators, and codependency was the journey.

You see, when you forgo your own will for the sake of proving something for the wrong reason, you end up getting swept under the rug. You lose your personality and become this chameleon, rather than harnessing your inner bad bitch and becoming a unique kween that people will love for the right and true reasons.

But these goals and motivators aren’t always super scary after school special stories. Sometimes they are really simple things that reflect what we are willing to do and for what reasons.

Like staying in a job you absolutely despise for the money. While money may be your goal, your journey is hell! And finding a new job is just not as daunting as it once was. Many of us have the freedom to find a job, but won’t leave because the comfort motivates us to stay.

Even something silly and actually quite healthy as a goal could prove to have not so healthy motivators. As I said before, men and love motivated me. But sometimes the goals attached were healthy ones. The only difference was, that since I wasn’t attaining these goals for me, but for them, the journey wasn’t fully and purely my own.

I remember in high school I used to practice singing in front of the mirror, putting on a heartfelt concert for all of my ex boyfriends and current crushes. I was going to be the best singer ever and I was going to croon like the greats JUST so they would know what they were missing out on.

Instead of doing it because I loved it (which I did, and I do) it became all about them. I lost my goal to sing for enjoyment in my motivators. I would only sing songs that would reflect how I felt about THEM, rather than broadening my horizons and experimenting for my own creative gain. My journey was filled with pain and spite, and I was confined to that.

Now I am not saying to dissect your whole life and every decision you ever made in this way, but when you start to realize a pattern in your behavior, you can start doing the good hard work towards being your authentic self. Be happy where you are, trust the journey, question your goals and motivators, and stay witchy ( *)

 

Death

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Hi everyone!

As you know, I have been away in Atlanta to celebrate the life of my Popsie. I was able to be with my family for four days while we stayed in his old house, full of memories and sentimental belongings.

This man was one of the greatest to ever live. Up until the day he passed, he treated everyone with kindness and love.

This is how I want to be remembered.

No one gets out alive, unfortunately. No one lives forever. And while it is important that we fill our lives with experiences to shape the foundation of our person, and to see all we can see, it is of utmost importance that we treat others with kindness.

Everyone that came into contact with my Popsie loved him. His charm was infectious. He truly was a gentleman. And I will miss him so very much.

Thank you all for reading. Stay grateful for those in your life and stay witchy ( *)

Being Lonely When You’re Surrounded by People

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“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”
Douglas Coupland

On any given weekday, there are approximately 4 million people inhabiting the tiny island of Manhattan. So how is it possible, when we are sandwiched into overcrowded trains, streets, restaurants, and movie theaters, that it is possible to feel so alone?

Whenever you are single, you see couples everywhere. It’s almost like that Orange Car Effect again. What you want to see manifests in front of you because you are searching it out. But instead of helping to attain your goal, it just teases you from afar.

Even if you don’t want a relationship, it is easy to feel lonely around your friends. Like when you are the only one making plans and seeking out one on one time with them. Or when you’re the primary texter. Or when you have to go out and drink in order to see them.

I equate loneliness to being stuck in your head. When you feel that no one can relate to you, and you’re crying out inside to find your people, your soulmate, or really just any one who has a similar idea of the world, you hold the ones around you to a pretty high standard just to convince yourself that you need more.

But maybe, when you are feeling this way, it is time to open yourself up to new ideas and ways in which to relate to others. Relationships are a two way street, and in order to establish a real human connection, mind body and spirit must all be present. Pokemon Go and Candy Crush should be put away at dinner with a friend. Facebook and blogging during an outing are your way of isolating yourself.

Much like the reversed image of the Five of Pentacles suggests, this is a time of inner, spiritual poverty. This indirect, self-inflicted isolation can make you feel very alone. However, because this idea is created by you, you have the power to undo it. Rethink it. Rewrite it.

Be thankful for those in your life. They are there for a reason. So get real when you get lonely, and stay witchy ( *)

People, Places, and Purpose

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The frame around this particular card symbolizes the cyclical progression of the human experience. Being that the card in its entirety depicts the world, we are brought to a very important topic in my life: places and their effect (or rather your effect) on the psyche.

 

Your world is your perception. You perceive what you’re unknowingly looking for. And places will reflect this phenomenon.

In Los Angeles I was miserable. Not because of any particular event (although there were many) but because I was just a miserable person. I lived in misery and it was comfortable there. Until it wasn’t.

After drug addiction, eating disorders, DUI’s and car accidents, I decided to play the blame game and put all of the responsibility on LA. Because it was LA’s fault, I could avoid accountability. And avoid I did. 3000 miles away.

I remember thinking on the plane coming here to move for good that this was it for me. This it where it all changes. This is where I would have some real luck. Because I defined New York as the place I was going to make it and succeed, I did just that. But it was UGLY.

New York held a mirror up to my face in the harshest way and forced me to take a real hard look.

Moving to New York was the absolute kick in the ass that I needed because it forced me to face my demons. Surviving on your own will do that to you. But because I was determined to make New York work for me, and because I knew I couldn’t quit and go anywhere else (or God forbid back home) I rode the wave and got through it. I romanticized New York so much that it in turn became my healer.

You see, because I was looking for misery in LA, I found it at every turn. Rather than eating healthy and loving my body, I found drugs and bulimia to keep me skinny. Rather than cultivating real intimate relationships, I over-drank at bars and parties and endangered myself while sleeping around. And who wouldn’t love all of the miserable repercussions of those self-sabotaging actions?

In New York, I projected the want for change. I asked the sidewalks for it. I looked at the city lights and begged for an answer. And in the universes’ way of testing your will, I sure as hell found it.

I like to think that now, if I went back to live in Los Angeles, I would have a completely different experience. I would attract different men and different job opportunities than the ones that I had. Not that all those that I attracted in LA were bad, but my energy now is completely different than the sad girl’s you all knew and loved. My perception has shifted.

I call it the Orange Car Effect. You usually never think about orange cars, but once you see one, you start noticing them everywhere. If you think everyone in LA is “so fake,” that’s all you’ll run into. If you think LA is bad luck and terrible, well guess what, the universe will deliver that to your doorstep.

LA and I broke up a while ago, and we’ll never be a perfect match. But even though I’m with New York now, I can look back on my relationship with LA and appreciate it for what it was. Because life is what you make of it, and accountability is key. Stay witchy wherever you are. ( *)