Rationing Your Time

tenw-rev_s

Good afternoon witches! As some of you may have noticed, my blog posts have becoming more infrequent. While I used to try and post as often as possible, the time has come for me to spread out my writings in order to preserve the quality of my content.

Which brings me to the Ten of Wands. Today we’re looking at a reversed card that signifies the process of holding onto a burden that is unnecessary. Biting off more than you can chew and finishing the bite out of pride. This kind of behavior is silly and ends up working against you by burning you out.

This blog was originally made to be a writing project for me to spill my guts, while using my influences of tarot and self help to allow me to move my message in a personalized manner. As I would like my posts to exhibit an air of passion over obligation, I am taking a step back from writing when I have nothing to say. I want this page to have content full of worth rather than filler pieces for when I have writers block.

Essentially, this post is to apologize, inform, and explain the gaps in my writing. I will still be posting multiple times a week, but only when it feels organic and there is a subject worth writing about.

I love you all and thank you for following. Stay witchy and stay reading ( *)

Your Goal, Your Motivator, and the Journey

il_570xN.435278399_riwb

The Chariot is a very triumphant card that represents conquest through willpower and determination. And for every task that can be succeeded, there is a motivator to keep the tenacity alive.

But what motivates you? And does that motivator lead to healthy goals?

While it can be argued that regardless of the motivator, the completion of the task is what is important. But, this combo says a lot about you and will unearth a lot of deeper soul stuff. This will help show you where you are in your life.

Personally, men and love were my motivators for a very long time. And the journey to the goal was quite unhealthy. I would go out of my way to do things that I wouldn’t normally do, some dangerous, some not, in order to be liked more by the male species. And once I realized that none of these decisions were actually mine, my whole world got flipped upside down.

Suffering with bulimia was motivated by men and love. If I could just get skinny enough, I would find my soulmate, put on that size zero white dress, and walk down the aisle. I just needed to be thin in order for that to happen. Being thin and finding love was the goal. Men and love were the motivators, and bulimia was the journey.

Being cool and bad ass by smoking a bunch of meth was motivated by men and love. If I quit doing that, I would be uncool and lose my amazing drug dealing boyfriend who still lived with his grandparents.And what a catch he was! He was the motivator, being cool was the goal, and ruining my body with illicit substances was the journey.

Trying to make a toxic and co-dependent relationship work was motivated by men and love. Because who could love the failure and the quitter that couldn’t get her boyfriend off of heroin? The goal was a perfect relationship, that man, and ultimately love, were the motivators, and codependency was the journey.

You see, when you forgo your own will for the sake of proving something for the wrong reason, you end up getting swept under the rug. You lose your personality and become this chameleon, rather than harnessing your inner bad bitch and becoming a unique kween that people will love for the right and true reasons.

But these goals and motivators aren’t always super scary after school special stories. Sometimes they are really simple things that reflect what we are willing to do and for what reasons.

Like staying in a job you absolutely despise for the money. While money may be your goal, your journey is hell! And finding a new job is just not as daunting as it once was. Many of us have the freedom to find a job, but won’t leave because the comfort motivates us to stay.

Even something silly and actually quite healthy as a goal could prove to have not so healthy motivators. As I said before, men and love motivated me. But sometimes the goals attached were healthy ones. The only difference was, that since I wasn’t attaining these goals for me, but for them, the journey wasn’t fully and purely my own.

I remember in high school I used to practice singing in front of the mirror, putting on a heartfelt concert for all of my ex boyfriends and current crushes. I was going to be the best singer ever and I was going to croon like the greats JUST so they would know what they were missing out on.

Instead of doing it because I loved it (which I did, and I do) it became all about them. I lost my goal to sing for enjoyment in my motivators. I would only sing songs that would reflect how I felt about THEM, rather than broadening my horizons and experimenting for my own creative gain. My journey was filled with pain and spite, and I was confined to that.

Now I am not saying to dissect your whole life and every decision you ever made in this way, but when you start to realize a pattern in your behavior, you can start doing the good hard work towards being your authentic self. Be happy where you are, trust the journey, question your goals and motivators, and stay witchy ( *)

 

This is a hasty post

Suit-of-Wands-Tarot-Card-Meanings-Rider-Waite-Tarot-Deck-1280x960

“The Suit of Wands is representative of the element of Fire. The Suit of Wands Tarot card meanings are associated with primal energy, spirituality, inspiration, determination, strength, intuition, creativity, ambition and expansion, original thought and the seeds through which life springs forth. Wands deal with the spiritual level of consciousness and mirror what is important to you at the core of your being. They address what makes us tick – our personalities, egos, enthusiasms, self-concepts, and personal energy, both internal and external.” Biddytarot.com

As of right now, I have zero ambition or inspiration to write. All I want to do is listen to David Bowie. So I’m going to let him sing for me.

I love you all. Stay modern and stay witchy ( *)

People as Vehicles to Self Discovery

The Three of Cups

In Tarot, this card is interpreted in two different ways.

Upright suggests creativity, community, friendship and celebration.

Reverse suggests an affair, “threes a crowd,” or stifled creativity.

This brings me to today’s topic: Peoples’ purpose in your life.

 

We all have people in our lives that we accept, cherish and love. And on the flip side, we all have people that we (for lack of a better saying) can’t stand.

Be it someone who is at your work, someone who is an acquaintance, an ex-lover or ex-friend, or even a “frenemy,” they exist. No one will like everyone, and not everyone will like you. Its a damn fact of life.

However, everyone serves a purpose.

I had a terrible breakup a couple of years ago, and I took a lot of time hating that person. Like REALLY hating him. I spent a lot of excess energy on dissecting his inner workings and just plain despising his existence. And while I needed this time to get to where I am now, where the journey has brought me is gratitude.

Had it not been for this relationship, I would have stayed in a place of co-dependency and a lack of self acceptance. I had gotten over self hate, but I was more in a self-limbo. While it is very true that with my pattern of behavior I probably would have gotten myself into another situation bringing me to this point, I feel that all of the factors during this time erupted into a beautiful volcano of steamy hot terrible lava that, in turn, calcified my purpose.

Yes, this man treated me in an undesirable way. But I accepted this behavior and harnessed that energy in a subconscious place. Once I realized this was not what I wanted, I made hard decisions, did the work, and broke through to the other side. This man was a vehicle to my self acceptance.

Friendship is much the same way. When I was younger, I had a friend who constantly put me down, was late to every meet up, and was very snide in her opinion of me. I wanted to hang out with her because I perceived her as glamorous, but the reality of her was quite the opposite. This was a person who didn’t respect my time, my individualism, or my entirety. People like this hold a mirror up to your face. Whether you realize it or not, this person shows you every insecurity and how you treat YOURSELF.

The truth is that I didn’t respect my time. I didn’t respect my individualism. I didn’t respect myself. And once I realized I didn’t like the way she was treating me, I was one step closer to truth.

In a very serendipitous way, I feel that the universe has a way of grouping us with our tribe. And if we open our eyes to who we are supposed to keep near and dear, then we are both doing our part.

For example, I bartend. I come into contact with people every day. And some are less desirable than others. However, energy has an input/ output effect. What you give out is what you will receive. And if you don’t believe this, I dare you to go and smile at a stranger and see their reaction. Its a pretty incredible thing.

Anywho, I was working one day, and I was in a pretty crap mood. But I had some regulars come in and they always seem to brighten my day. On this particular shift, they brought in a close friend of theirs, and we immediately clicked.

Let me take a moment to speak more to my emotional state at this time:

During this point I was really in the thick of hating my ex, but I was also heavily involved in bettering myself and healing. I realized I had a problem with codependency, fell in love with boundaries, and realized the qualities I needed in a friend. But in the same token, I was unhappy. I was lost. I felt unfulfilled and I didn’t know why. I didn’t understand the journey and was very impatient.

Ok back to this awesome chick.

We were speaking about singing after noticing how cool the playlist was at work. It was very soulful, with motown and doo-wop, and we bonded over our shared appreciation. One thing led to another and we made plans for an event.

Not knowing each other AT ALL and committing to an entire night out together is a pretty rare thing, but we both met in the middle and realized that we actually were good additions in each others lives. Fast forward 8 months later, and our purposes for each other are slowly unfolding.

This woman, in my eyes, is the pinnacle of creativity. She is a singer, performer, creator, and just all around beautiful person. She does arts and crafts on her days off. She always aspires for better. And I was immediately drawn to that, even though I didn’t know it.

Her purpose for me, right now, is shining a light on what I was missing. I grew up a crazy creative child, but through a mess of experiences, I lost a lot of practice in this arena. But after meeting my friend, and a few others like her, a spotlight shown on the empty place in my heart. Because I was ready for it.

Every time me and my friend meet up, we would talk about what we want to do with our lives and what kind of projects we were working on. And now I have a contribution. I tapped into my missing piece. Her existence in my world has brought attention to what I needed so greatly. She has inspired me. And she is part of the reason this blog is a reality.

So now, little witches, I invite you to share in a mini project. Think of one person you love, and one person you don’t. And then, think of something positive they have brought to your life. No matter how big or small. Just think of one thing, and appreciate it. You will be surprised at the effect this small thing has on your overall outlook.

Stay tuned and stay witchy ( *)