WednesdayWisdoms: Dealing with a Dictator

office-space

 

Are you dealing with a high strung manager that won’t get off your back? Try these tips to keep yourself sane under all of the harsh treatment.

1. Remember that they are under A LOT of pressure.

Most likely, if your manager is coming down on you hard for something, it is because they are under direct order to do so. Their delivery might be harsh, because they aren’t too versed in how to communicate, but they are only doing their job. This understanding might help you to just let it go.

2. Breathe

It is really easy to fire back with a response, start to tear up, or shake with anger (whatever your chosen method is) when faced with someone who is a condescending prick. But if you remember to take three deep, long inhales before responding, and slightly meditate on, or at least remind yourself of, the first tip, the whole world starts to feel bigger than just that interaction.

3. Just say yes

This was a huge one for me to learn. I love to have a comeback and an answer, but in all honesty, you need to save yourself the exhaustion. Just agree with your boss. If it’s a deadline that you can’t possibly make because of all of your other work, then speak up in a polite manner, but if it’s anything trivial, just say yes. You don’t even have to do it (haha don’t tell them I told you that.) Sometimes, bosses just need to say something to remind themselves they are the boss. And if you just nod in agreement, they’ll walk away feeling great and you can go on doing your job as well as you always do.

4. Remember the BIG picture

Are you truly happy at this job, despite your boss? Do you like your coworkers, the work you produce, and your hours? Is the pay good? Is the commute worth it? Think of this tip like you think of finding an ideal mate. Tick off all of the must haves, the “great if it did” haves, and the “could do without”s. Is this job meeting your standards? Or are you convincing yourself that you’re happy because you don’t know anything else? Ask the big questions before continuing to put up with a sour asshole who’s bad at communication.

I hope these help you in your future work endeavors. Working for someone else is not easy, but neither is owning a business. Neither is sitting still forever. It all takes work. Just remember to ask yourself what will make you the most happy. Stay witchy ( *)

When the Oppressed Become the Oppressor



Brought to you by another RuPaul gem, this week is all about werk, werk, werk.

In some of his earlier podcast episodes, Ru talks about queens that get a slice of fame after chasing it for so long, and then start to emulate the monster celebrities that preceded them. They become hard to work with and act like damn DIVAS.

Does this sound familiar in any realm of your life? Because, for me, this sounds like what I’ve come to experience when working for other people. And, in all honesty, when I became the person to work for.

When people get promoted from within and have no real managerial experience, the jump is made naturally by mimicking the manager before them. This is the same as a parent/ child dynamic. It’s literally monkey see monkey do. So, if they were berated, mistreated, abused, and overworked, what do you think the natural managing style they will try to adopt is?

Now, unless you are more matured or have an innately high EI, this is the pattern you will follow. But on the flipside, that could hurt you, as it did for me when I became a manager.

Fighting so hard against what I had been exposed to didn’t leave me in a firm middle ground. Instead, it sent me over the line to pansy-ville where I would cater to everyones needs and pick up all of the slack. This was a dire case of people pleasing.

This left me with shoe prints on my back waiting for someone to throw me a bone and help me out. And it was also the precursor for the behavior that sent me down a road of codependence. I had no boundaries to speak of. I couldn’t protect myself from being taken advantage of, all while I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone (which is just impossible.)

Managing a business or department is hard work, but it doesn’t have to be a burden. As the reversed position of the Ten of Wands suggests, you don’t have to unnecessarily hold on to the attachment of dictatorship. There is a way to lead in a structured, yet respectful manner. And you may not learn that until the inevitable chaos of the Tower erupts and you are forced to change.

So, if you’re having trouble with your boss, and you like all of the other aspects about your job except for her or him, just remember that their behavior is a product of conditioning. If they are too hard on you, it’s most likely because they don’t have any other way to assert their dominance. Don’t take it too personally. And if you hate your job entirely, LEAVE. I know it’s a scary world out there, but it’s scarier to sit in a place of complacent misery for the rest of your life. I’ve known countless people to change full on careers between the ages of forty and sixty, so there are no excuses. Any age, any time, you can change your life to make you happier. Use awareness, get happy, and stay witchy ( *)