Why Can’t You See the Love When it’s Staring You in the Face?

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I remember, as a child, feeling quite alone and isolated. I remember a deep, unquenchable thirst for love that I thought I wasn’t getting. I convinced myself that I was not receiving love, and was therefore unworthy of it. I found comfort and solace in pain.

But why? My parents loved me. I had a little sister who has only grown closer to me. I always had friends. Why was it that I chose to see the world from a negative angle?

The truth is, when you have such a deep set belief that you are undeserving or unworthy of something, you are going to take every opportunity to prove your point to yourself. This is where your perfectionism steps in. You aren’t allowed to be wrong, so your perfectionism will prove your point to you over and over again, even when it is detrimental and untrue. Much like the Orange Car Effect, your perfectionism will cherry pick evidence to prove just how unworthy you are. It is just doing it’s job. And not only is this very clearly damaging, but it is perpetual. Only you can choose to stop and see the love.

But how do you break this cycle? How do you go from one day proving to yourself that you are alone and nobody loves you to becoming a confident powerhouse? Well it takes time, imperfectly, one day at a time. It is a slow process, but it starts internally. That’s the beautiful thing, because you’re holding yourself accountable.

Once you decide to make this shift from self destruction to appreciating yourself, the Orange Car Effect shifts into this new gear, where you’re getting little gems of appreciation from outside sources. And not to count on them as validation, though you may need that at first, they just show up organically because you are starting to heal.

So why can’t you see the love when it’s staring you in the face? It’s because you don’t want to. You aren’t ready yet. But that’s ok, my friend. It is out there waiting for you to embrace it. Stay witchy ( *)

Being Lonely When You’re Surrounded by People

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“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”
Douglas Coupland

On any given weekday, there are approximately 4 million people inhabiting the tiny island of Manhattan. So how is it possible, when we are sandwiched into overcrowded trains, streets, restaurants, and movie theaters, that it is possible to feel so alone?

Whenever you are single, you see couples everywhere. It’s almost like that Orange Car Effect again. What you want to see manifests in front of you because you are searching it out. But instead of helping to attain your goal, it just teases you from afar.

Even if you don’t want a relationship, it is easy to feel lonely around your friends. Like when you are the only one making plans and seeking out one on one time with them. Or when you’re the primary texter. Or when you have to go out and drink in order to see them.

I equate loneliness to being stuck in your head. When you feel that no one can relate to you, and you’re crying out inside to find your people, your soulmate, or really just any one who has a similar idea of the world, you hold the ones around you to a pretty high standard just to convince yourself that you need more.

But maybe, when you are feeling this way, it is time to open yourself up to new ideas and ways in which to relate to others. Relationships are a two way street, and in order to establish a real human connection, mind body and spirit must all be present. Pokemon Go and Candy Crush should be put away at dinner with a friend. Facebook and blogging during an outing are your way of isolating yourself.

Much like the reversed image of the Five of Pentacles suggests, this is a time of inner, spiritual poverty. This indirect, self-inflicted isolation can make you feel very alone. However, because this idea is created by you, you have the power to undo it. Rethink it. Rewrite it.

Be thankful for those in your life. They are there for a reason. So get real when you get lonely, and stay witchy ( *)