Using Rage Constructively

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So, you’ve got fire in your eyes and rage in your belly. What now?

Here’s what you can do to help:

  1. DONATE:
    • You can donate to the victims of the Charlottesville attack via multiple GoFundMe pages. The victims of the car attack can be reached here, to donate to the man beaten by Nazi’s in a parking garage here, and to Natalie Romero, a victim without health insurance, here. You can also donate to the local NAACP chapter here, the Black Lives Matter chapter here,  Charlottesville’s only synagogue here, and the Charlottesville Pride community here.
  2.  Protest:
    • It is terrifying out there right now, and with the recent events in Charlottesville, people are afraid to protest white supremacists. Unfortunately, now more than ever, we need to gather peacefully to show that we are not afraid and will not be intimidated. There is power in numbers, and you can be one of them by joining here.
  3. Stop hatespeech:
    • When you hear an employer, coworker, parent, teacher, or racist uncle say something that is discriminatory, CALL THAT SHIT OUT. Silence is violence. It is perpetuating that it is ok to use hate speech. People will do whatever they want so long as no one says anything, so SAY SOMETHING.
  4. Use the words White Supremacist and Nazi frequently:
    • This is not “alt right” or “nationalism.” Nazi’s hide behind terms like these to cloak what they actually are. Using the correct rhetoric fights denial. Call it out whenever you can.
  5. If you are a parent, educate your child:
    • Beliefs start at home, and preaching love and acceptance to your children will instill a moral compass that deters them from this scary, repugnant hate. Keep an eye on your young ones and educate, educate, educate.
  6. Write your representatives:
    • Are you outraged? Write the right people here. Demand equal and fair police protection. Update them on what is going on in your district. Complain about the president. Whatever it is that you have to say, tell them. They are called representatives for a reason; tell them who and how to represent.

There is a lot we can do, as a community, to start making change. Nothing gets done by sitting idly by. Get active, and stay witchy ( *)

 

WednesdayWisdoms: How to Reach Out

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It’s hard to reach out to friends or family when you feel guilt or shame surrounding your situation. Those kinds of self-inflicted emotions can hinder your ability to speak up and reach out for the help you need.

So today I’m going to move, step by step, through how to pick up the phone:

  1. Notice your habits:
    • Make a journal or a list of things you tend to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed or down. Do you notice what your go-to actions are? Are you keeping a drinking log of how much you drink and when? Are you sleeping until 1pm instead of getting up at 8 and running like you used to? Has the small bag of chips turned into the family sized bag? What is falling off balance, and why? Is there a reason?
  2. Imagine your best friend called you for the same reason, and play out what you’d say in your head:
    • Would you judge him/ her? Would you scold them? Or would you be kind, loving, and supportive? Chances are, your phone call will go exactly the same way.
  3. Use the 5 second rule:
    • Feel the urge to call? Need help? Don’t give yourself more than five seconds to think about it. Literally count down to 5, and on 1, dial. If it is over 5 seconds, the brain will automatically start to create excuses. This tip is courtesy of miss Mel Robbins 🙂
  4. Reciprocity:
    • Friendships, the real good ones, are not one-sided and hollow. They are deep, nurturing, and loving. If you develop the kind of friendship that serves as a sacred safe space, you will always have support in your time of need. That means when your friend needs a pick me up, you’re there like you want them to be there for you. Being able to cultivate a friendship where you both lift each other up is priceless.

Don’t be afraid witchies. Reaching out is more rewarding than scary. It takes courage, but I know you’ve got that in spades. Get bold, and stay witchy ( *)

Reaching Out vs. Attention Seeking

img_3108As someone who previously felt shame in asking for help, I have a lot of experience in this area.

I used to think that if I couldn’t conquer something on my own, I was a failure. And not even just day to day tasks. In fact, I would internalize my emotional problems to the point of many sicknesses, because I thought that if I needed help dealing, I was crazy.

This, in turn, manifested in a lot of “acting out.” Crying when drunk, doing a bunch of drugs, easy sex, the list goes on. I was seeking attention because I needed help and didn’t know how to ask for it.

But here’s the secret: Asking for help isn’t shameful. Everyone needs help at some point in their life.

And now, that’s why I do what I do. I help those in need. I help rectify bad judgement and steer clients away from dangerous behavior. Because that was me.

So, are you acting as the Knight of Swords reversed? Acting out in a hasty and impulsive manner? Are you noticing that you are creating drama in order to get noticed? Is it because you can’t ask for help and are hoping these outlandish behaviors will force you into it? Is that really easier?

Or are you so ashamed that you’d rather impose your own isolation, as in the Four of Cups? Is there so much guilt involved in whatever you need help with, that you’d rather vanish all together?

I’ll say it again,  because it needs to be written in stone. Asking for help ISN’T SHAMEFUL.  It is actually an act of courage. It means you’d rather not walk around the subject in tragic circles, and instead point directly at the problem. It means that you are willing to stand up for yourself and do whatever it takes. It means there is too much bullshit in the world for you to create more that doesn’t need to be there. It means you’re a fighter.

So, if this speaks to you at all, I’m calling on you to reach out. Pick up the phone, and call a friend and talk. Spill your guts out and have a conversation about whatever is bothering you. This is not your cross to bear, and friends are there to listen. Friends don’t want you to struggle alone. And hopefully your friend can point you in the right direction for the help you need. And if that happens to be a life coach, you know where to find me. Stay witchy ( *)

 

 

WednesdayWisdoms: Crafting a Baseline Routine

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Brought to you by a small bout of anxiety and depression, here is your WednesdayWisdoms exercise for the week!

Last post I fessed up about over-doing it on vacation and the spiral it led me down as a result. And under further investigation, I found that it is because I’ve strayed from my baseline routine.

There are certain things in everyone’s life that bring them joy and order. And when you abandon all of that for a certain length of time, you begin to float around in a sea of worry, not really realizing where you are in the ocean. And that’s because you pulled up your anchor.

Now the beauty of that, is that once you realize you’ve been floating aimlessly and that’s why you feel like shit, you can always drop anchor again! Now, what makes your anchor so sturdy?

For me, if I don’t have a steady diet, exercise, and meditation, I will go nuts. I will literally run off of the rails. And it’s very easily explainable. I don’t have proper nutrients to fuel my body, so I’m tired and feel gross, which means I don’t exercise. If I don’t exercise, I don’t get any endorphins, so I’m unhappy. And when I don’t meditate, I don’t clear a space in my head for my thoughts to pass through and it all becomes a screaming mess.

There are additional things, too. Like if I go too long without listening to an uplifting podcast (What’s the Tee with RuPaul and Michelle Visage and Your Kick Ass Life with Andrea Owen are my faves) or singing at the top of my lungs, I peter out as well.

So this week, I want you to observe your routine. What is it that maintains balance in your life? Is the morning cup of coffee from your Keurig an absolute staple? What about midday yoga? A certain TV show before you fall asleep? What brings happiness and order into your life?

Start naming these things and hold them at the highest importance. These are your new non-negotiables. No clients before coffee. No emails once you’ve turned on Golden Girls. Do not let these snippets of joy be compromised by anyone or anything. They are your baseline. They are your anchor.

So next time you feel an energy shift, do a check in with your routine. Have you been neglecting the things that provide order and happiness? Keep it together and stay witchy ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: Taking it Easy

For all my high achievers out there, I know it is hard to take some time to relax and enjoy yourselves. I know we can’t all go on expensive vacations around the world, but we can at least dedicate a few hours to ourselves out of our week to take it easy.

This week, I want you to pick one day and block off a few hours. Do a mud mask. Take a bath. Workout and then meditate. Watch Orange is the New Black. Any activity you want, but just be sure to dedicate it to yourself, sans interruptions. You deserve to kick back, so carve out the time! It is possible. I promise.

Set out a schedule of your week and see what you can move around to make it happen. Can you do laundry after work one day in order to free up some time on Sunday? Do it. Make time for yourself and structure your week accordingly. Your soul will thank you.

Stay mindful of your own time, and stay witchy ( *)

Loving the Skin You’re In: A Twisted Journey


I imagine being totally in love with my body like a unicorn running through a Lisa Frank- style field of neon daisies. Beautiful, but unrealistic. Being an American woman, hailing from a city like Los Angeles and living in a city like New York, there will always be times when I feel like I am “less” because of my appearance.

But let me tell you, I have made leaps and bounds from where I was.

My body image issues started YOUNG. As a kid, I was relentlessly teased for being too skinny, being called names like “skinny bones Jones” (eye roll.) When I hit puberty, everything fell out of place and I began to notice large changes in my body. My breasts grew, my thighs widened, my hips popped out, and most devastatingly of all, my stomach got a little layer of fat on it. One that I had never been accustomed to before.

I had a swing set in my backyard, and I remember distinctly comparing thigh sizes with my neighbor. Two 12 year old girls, talking about the circumference of our thighs.

Once the tone was set, I had instant gratification for the drugs I was introduced to in the later months of me being 13. They made me SKINNY. And that was part of the reason why I did them for so long. I loved going back to my pre-pubescent weight. I wanted to be thin over everything.

Once I quit using hard uppers at the age of 17, I noticed a stark weight gain over the span of three years. Coupling heavy drinking with 2 am burritos will do that to you. And this was during the rise of social media, so pictures began to blast the internet. It was heartbreaking to look at pictures of a double chin, flappy arms and thick thighs. The only upside was my 36 D chest.

So, unwilling to give up drinking, I decided to dangerously crash diet by counting up to 600 calories a day, and then shoving my fingers down my throat if I cheated with one too many grapes. Over the course of a few years, my diet just became binging on Oreos and potato chips before vomiting up every morsel. I had my cake and ate it too.

It wasn’t until about a year before I moved to New York that I cut ties with my bulimia. It took a lot of will power, but I stopped throwing up. It became too dangerous anyways, because too many people had suspicions, the toilet became clogged more and more often, and my throat started to bleed.

But that didn’t change my relationship with food. No no. I still ate the way I did as a bulimic. I still had fatty foods and midnight binges. I just didn’t throw up anymore. So I gained weight.

Moving to New York allowed me to continue to eat pizza and bagels without much consequence, because I walked everywhere and thus lost some of the weight. But honey, it catches up to you, and regardless of the weight gain, I was headed to a heart attack at 30.

So, as you can see, I had all of the impulsiveness of the King of Wands reversed. Every reaction to a spot of weight gain had a drastic and unhealthy solution that led me down a road of destruction, synonymous with how I was feeling inside. I projected it onto my body.

With a vision of the Empress in mind, a beautiful and feminine ideal, I tried to cut corners by just getting there visually. I didn’t work from the inside out. And the outside in is a dangerous illusion.

Which brings me to this current cleanse that I have just completed. After reconnecting with my mind and soul after years of heartbreak and delusions, it was time my body followed suit. I asked a friend to create a cleanse that moved into a healthy lifestyle diet so I could treat my body well and give it the TLC it deserves. After 6 weeks into this lifestyle change, I feel better (and look better!) than ever before.

I have finally started to treat my body with respect. Giving it raw foods and veggies, lean, proteins, and healthy carbohydrates is the way my body is supposed to function. And though my upcoming vacation inspired me to make a decision to change my diet for the better, I’m glad I did. Because who knows how much longer I would be eating a Family Size bag of Lays Potato Chips before I landed in a hospital bed.

I hope my story has inspired you to take a look at how you treat your body. There is nothing wrong with indulging every once in a while, but the main focus is to take care of your body so it can take care of you. Your image isn’t what is important, it’s your mindset. So remember,to take care of your bodies, love yourself, and stay witchy ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: Reigniting the Fire

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In order to find our Starchild again, we have to do some soul searching. My go-to is journaling, because it lays down all of my thoughts on paper and I am able to see clearly what my jumbled brain is trying to tell me.

For this week’s exercise, you’re going to journal about your young life:

  1. Write your biography from when your active memory starts to about grade school. Describe yourself and the stories you have from childhood.
  2. Then re-write it, keeping your self and your personality in tact, but changing the situations and relationships you wish you could.
  3. Take all of the situations that you wish could have been different, write them down on a separate piece of paper, and forgive them. Burn them. Let them go. They may have had a hand in shaping your belief system, but it is time to release them now. They do not serve you, nor do they control you.
  4. Do something this week that you would do when you were five. Go to a magic show, roll around on the grass, sing at the top of your lungs, whatever sets your young heart on fire.

 

Live young, live free, and stay witchy ( *)