Episode 12 is live! In this short, solo episode I do a quick wrap-up, highlighting key themes and similarities between my interviewees this season. I won’t be returning the podcast until September, so until then you can find archived posts here. I’m dedicating this summer to focus my attention on my clients and my upcoming book, so in the meantime, stay witchy ( *)
So the other day I wrote about digging deep into another persons struggle in order to see the journey from their side. But what if that person hurt you and you don’t care/ can’t let it go?
By practicing this kind of empathy towards someone who hurt you, instead of a flippant disregard of someone’s negative approach, you cultivate a deeper, more profound understanding of their pain. But what if you’re just not ready for that? What if their side doesn’t interest you?
Well, we’re going to paint this like the chicken and the egg. It doesn’t matter which comes first. If understanding helps you to forgive, we’ll work on that first. If not, we can forgive first. But the bottom line is that this forgiveness is for YOU. It is so you can free up negative hate space in your heart for a love that you so truly deserve. So, let’s get started.
If you want to try and understand from the person’s side first, I have to make one thing very clear: Understanding does not mean obsessing and over-analyzing. It is a deeper connection to the problem, and it exists without assumption. If you are in a position to ask for clarification, I suggest getting it straight from the horses mouth. But if not, write down a list of three things you would do in that situation if you were in their shoes. Write it from your perspective. And, if none of your answers measure up with what they’ve done to upset you, then you have to understand that their journey and their tools are much different than yours, and your forgiveness has to stem from there. Forgiveness is all about you. It is internal. It is your personal response.
And if you are not ready to understand the journey from their side, after you’ve had some time to cool down and are ready to forgive, you have to jump straight into the deep end. Forgiveness means accepting the course of events just as they are, accepting their actions just as they were, and accepting your responses as well. Forgiveness isn’t going to fix everything and make it go away, and your participation in a relationship with this person is entirely up to you afterwards, but forgiveness is essential to just move ON.
Forgiving people is really hard. And sometimes things that have happened to you are seemingly unforgivable. But if you do not forgive, you will hold on to that pain forever. Release the pain, forgive the past, and stay witchy ( *)
Episode 7 is live! Here you’ll meet Alma Golemi, an international student who shares about her struggles with balancing work and school, all while facing a language barrier. If you’d like to follow up with Alma you can find her on Instagram.
The Fool symbolizes the beginning of a journey. A bright, shiny-eyed fellow who is setting forth on a path that is completely and utterly new. One with purpose and one full of lessons to be learned. He is all of us.
If you’re a young, ambitious individual, it’s not surprising that you might have been faced with the question “What is my life purpose?” The insurmountable pressure of having one thing you were set on earth to do. What it’s all for.
Nietzsche has a quote: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” And I think that surmises what we are all looking for. A reason to muscle through the cold, lonely days of our journey. Not to be mistaken for love, because we know that is not a completion of our circle, but rather the addition of one in the form of a bond. No, this is a personal “why.” This is what we dream of when we are little girls and little boys. This is the “why” that made Mother Teresa run homes for the diseased. This is the “why” that made Jonas Salk invent the Polio vaccine. “Why” Elie Wiesel took his horrific experiences in Auschwitz and turned them into inspiring stories and a Nobel Peace Prize.
Now not everyone can run to Uganda and cure Zika. Although if we all sought out to cure diseases that would be pretty kick ass. We can’t all write Grammy winning albums or star in Oscar winning roles. We can’t all write best sellers and we can’t all win the Fields Medal. But everyday we have choices to make, and making the right ones are indicative of our purpose.
See, I think that if we all strive to make conscious decisions that feel right and true within our sphere of authenticity, our purpose will be handed to us on a silver platter. In fact, I think that is the purpose in it of itself. Instead of having one solid concrete thing that we must stick to for the rest of our lives, which seems to be more of a shackle than a path to greatness, at every turn we are given an opportunity to think with conviction and at that time our purpose is highlighted. Our purpose morphs and bends to the person we are at that very moment, and if self respect and self love are things that you practice regularly, that authentic light will shine through. That purpose, that pattern, that character, that will be the guide in your journey. That will be your “why.” It’s what is inside you.
When I got the help I needed and put into practice all of the tools that I gained from my support, I slowly started to make conscious decisions that benefited me and felt right and true to my core. No longer did I have a gaping hole of panic in me. I was sticking up for myself. And through the trail of conviction, though not always perfect, I started to find seeds of what was hidden beneath the wreckage. I listened to myself and felt called to start writing. And although I don’t put the pressure on myself to say that this is it for me forever, right now it feels true. And that’s what the journey is all about.
So if you’re getting down on yourself for not having it all figured out, well let me tell you something: No one does. Not even Oprah.
But what people like her do that is so inspirational is that they seize every opportunity authentically. That’s the calling. And if we all have the capacity to be authentic, we all have a life purpose. Live true to yours and stay witchy ( *)
Upright, the Empress is the pinnacle of femininity, mothering, abundance, and giving. Reversed she is codependent and blocked creatively.
They are two sides of the same card, but that does not mean there isn’t happy medium.
When I started to heal from my codependent habits, I thought that these two words were synonymous. And that was a huge problem for me, because I am a nurturer. This left me feeling highly confused. How do I foster my nurturing demeanor without losing myself in codependency.
Well, did you guess it?
It’s obviously boundaries.
You can be a caring person who wants to cultivate relationships WITHOUT losing yourself. For example, when I was with my infamous ex, I lent him so much money (aside from what he stole from me) that I couldn’t care for myself. This wasn’t helping out a trusted friend in a time of need with money I had to spare. This was giving out more than I could afford from fear of losing him.
See the difference?
I cannot stress this enough: TAKE CARE OF NUMBER ONE. You are the most important person in your life and you are the only one responsible for you. That doesn’t mean you can’t care for a significant other when they are sick by bringing them chicken soup and holding their head, but it does mean you can’t miss a ton of work to dote on them when you already can’t afford your rent.
I know that my examples are always pretty extreme, but bare with me here. This could be the path you are going down if someone’s well being means more than your own. This is an age of independence and mutual love. Two people walking down separate paths that merge together for an equally enjoyable partnership. Not one person jumping on the others and taking over to the point that their original path has disappeared. Control and codependency are pretty synced up here, and you have no business routing another persons journey, especially when it’s to dodge your own.
Being a nurturer is an amazing feminine quality. Celebrating femininity and what makes us differently special is an important and notable idea. Just remember, that you are the most important person that needs caring for. This is why, in airplane safety speeches, they say to fasten your mask first before helping another. You’re no good to anyone when you’re unconscious. Nurture yourself first, before you can nurture others. Stay caring, and stay witchy ( *)
The Chariot is a very triumphant card that represents conquest through willpower and determination. And for every task that can be succeeded, there is a motivator to keep the tenacity alive.
But what motivates you? And does that motivator lead to healthy goals?
While it can be argued that regardless of the motivator, the completion of the task is what is important. But, this combo says a lot about you and will unearth a lot of deeper soul stuff. This will help show you where you are in your life.
Personally, men and love were my motivators for a very long time. And the journey to the goal was quite unhealthy. I would go out of my way to do things that I wouldn’t normally do, some dangerous, some not, in order to be liked more by the male species. And once I realized that none of these decisions were actually mine, my whole world got flipped upside down.
Suffering with bulimia was motivated by men and love. If I could just get skinny enough, I would find my soulmate, put on that size zero white dress, and walk down the aisle. I just needed to be thin in order for that to happen. Being thin and finding love was the goal. Men and love were the motivators, and bulimia was the journey.
Being cool and bad ass by smoking a bunch of meth was motivated by men and love. If I quit doing that, I would be uncool and lose my amazing drug dealing boyfriend who still lived with his grandparents.And what a catch he was! He was the motivator, being cool was the goal, and ruining my body with illicit substances was the journey.
Trying to make a toxic and co-dependent relationship work was motivated by men and love. Because who could love the failure and the quitter that couldn’t get her boyfriend off of heroin? The goal was a perfect relationship, that man, and ultimately love, were the motivators, and codependency was the journey.
You see, when you forgo your own will for the sake of proving something for the wrong reason, you end up getting swept under the rug. You lose your personality and become this chameleon, rather than harnessing your inner bad bitch and becoming a unique kween that people will love for the right and true reasons.
But these goals and motivators aren’t always super scary after school special stories. Sometimes they are really simple things that reflect what we are willing to do and for what reasons.
Like staying in a job you absolutely despise for the money. While money may be your goal, your journey is hell! And finding a new job is just not as daunting as it once was. Many of us have the freedom to find a job, but won’t leave because the comfort motivates us to stay.
Even something silly and actually quite healthy as a goal could prove to have not so healthy motivators. As I said before, men and love motivated me. But sometimes the goals attached were healthy ones. The only difference was, that since I wasn’t attaining these goals for me, but for them, the journey wasn’t fully and purely my own.
I remember in high school I used to practice singing in front of the mirror, putting on a heartfelt concert for all of my ex boyfriends and current crushes. I was going to be the best singer ever and I was going to croon like the greats JUST so they would know what they were missing out on.
Instead of doing it because I loved it (which I did, and I do) it became all about them. I lost my goal to sing for enjoyment in my motivators. I would only sing songs that would reflect how I felt about THEM, rather than broadening my horizons and experimenting for my own creative gain. My journey was filled with pain and spite, and I was confined to that.
Now I am not saying to dissect your whole life and every decision you ever made in this way, but when you start to realize a pattern in your behavior, you can start doing the good hard work towards being your authentic self. Be happy where you are, trust the journey, question your goals and motivators, and stay witchy ( *)
Welcome to the first post of Witchy Wisdoms! A writing project full of little wise nuggets of witchy goodness. In the spirit of tapping into my creative forces and holding myself accountable, I’ve decided to do a daily challenge in the form of a blog where everything is at my disposal and nothing is off limits. Thank you for being a part of it!
Rather than starting the blog with a huge backstory, I’d prefer to have my story unfold organically, showing its many layers through different topics. In a short synopsis, however, I’m a native Angeleno who moved to New York City three and a half years ago. Following many experiences and hardships, I’ve learned to celebrate self discovery and integrate self help into my life in a huge way. After quitting an unsuccessful venture in real estate, I’ve decided to become certified as a life coach and this blog is aimed towards chronicling my journey to that goal.
I fully believe there is no better way to help and inspire people than maintaining positivity and living your authentic life. This blog serves as a vehicle to unwrap my truth, and if anyone who reads it can benefit, then I have already begun doing important work that I can be proud of. The most amazing thing to me is to see my friends grow and practice setting personal boundaries so that they can flourish while protecting the very factors that make them unique and beautiful. This blog will explore all of these avenues to spin a beautiful web of magic directed at self help.
So why witchy? What even is witchy? Good questions, all. Since this blog is a venture in personal truths, it is extremely vital for me to add my own flair and emphasize my personality. As a spiritual person who loves all things supernatural, and a person who owns a 95% black wardrobe, I decided that my brand was inevitably witchy. This isn’t a pagan blog, and no one is trying to push religion on anyone, but it is pertinent that my style shine through this writing project one thousand percent.
I hope you all enjoy my little ramblings and can benefit in any way, and I look forward to any feedback you feel compelled to give! Stay tuned and stay witchy ( *)