I’m coming to you today with a super duper extra special podcast to talk about your 9-5/ side-hustle!! I’m sitting with my best friend Ashley Pena and we answer your questions with coping mechanisms around what provides you a paycheck!
Listen up and stay witchy ( *)
Tune in below and on iTunes, and be sure to subscribe and leave a rating!!! ( *)
Your true desires are often carried out by impulses, which don’t think of the big picture. Acting in this way lands you in hot water, and then scars you because you’re afraid to take another leap. So, what do we do to take careful steps around achieving what our shadow self wants the most for us? See the examples below on how to achieve balance.
The desire: To have a path of clear communication and understanding in your family.
The impulse: To snap at a family member when you don’t think they understand you
Why that doesn’t work: Fighting a misunderstanding with a lack of compassion of your own is counter-productive.
The solution: When you’re sensing an escalation of sorts, try to understand from their side by asking questions. Approach the situation in a well rounded manner, and ask that they do the same for you. Set boundaries around what you will allow into your life, cut a conversation short if nothing is being achieved, then revisit later.
The desire: To make more money, get a promotion, and flourish in your position.
The impulse: To take any and all extra work to prove that you can get it all done.
Why that doesn’t work: Overloading yourself will almost always mean that you are spreading yourself too thin. You work will not be as thorough as if you only took on what you could actually handle, and you run the risk of burning out.
The solution: Only accept what you can physically handle. Knowing your limits commands respect, and so does quality work.
The desire: To have a happy and healthy relationship.
The impulse: To choose the first person who pays attention to you.
Why that doesn’t work: An ideal mate is not just anyone. You have to consult a careful observation before jumping into something serious.
The solution: Create a list of values your mate must have and do not make excuses. If loyalty is a value, don’t make excuses for him texting another girl, just because he’s also texting you. These values are non-negotiable. This approach takes time, and you deserve to be with someone who not only respects you, but is who you truly desire.
These examples are obviously not one-size-fits-all, but they are good jumping off points to consider when we act impulsively. It is hard to be patient, but that is essential for us to live our ideal life. Patience and discipline will lead to a high reward from the universe. Channel the desires of your shadow self in a healthy way, and stay witchy ( *)
Are you dealing with a high strung manager that won’t get off your back? Try these tips to keep yourself sane under all of the harsh treatment.
1. Remember that they are under A LOT of pressure.
Most likely, if your manager is coming down on you hard for something, it is because they are under direct order to do so. Their delivery might be harsh, because they aren’t too versed in how to communicate, but they are only doing their job. This understanding might help you to just let it go.
It is really easy to fire back with a response, start to tear up, or shake with anger (whatever your chosen method is) when faced with someone who is a condescending prick. But if you remember to take three deep, long inhales before responding, and slightly meditate on, or at least remind yourself of, the first tip, the whole world starts to feel bigger than just that interaction.
3. Just say yes
This was a huge one for me to learn. I love to have a comeback and an answer, but in all honesty, you need to save yourself the exhaustion. Just agree with your boss. If it’s a deadline that you can’t possibly make because of all of your other work, then speak up in a polite manner, but if it’s anything trivial, just say yes. You don’t even have to do it (haha don’t tell them I told you that.) Sometimes, bosses just need to say something to remind themselves they are the boss. And if you just nod in agreement, they’ll walk away feeling great and you can go on doing your job as well as you always do.
4. Remember the BIG picture
Are you truly happy at this job, despite your boss? Do you like your coworkers, the work you produce, and your hours? Is the pay good? Is the commute worth it? Think of this tip like you think of finding an ideal mate. Tick off all of the must haves, the “great if it did” haves, and the “could do without”s. Is this job meeting your standards? Or are you convincing yourself that you’re happy because you don’t know anything else? Ask the big questions before continuing to put up with a sour asshole who’s bad at communication.
I hope these help you in your future work endeavors. Working for someone else is not easy, but neither is owning a business. Neither is sitting still forever. It all takes work. Just remember to ask yourself what will make you the most happy. Stay witchy ( *)
Brought to you by another RuPaul gem, this week is all about werk, werk, werk.
In some of his earlier podcast episodes, Ru talks about queens that get a slice of fame after chasing it for so long, and then start to emulate the monster celebrities that preceded them. They become hard to work with and act like damn DIVAS.
Does this sound familiar in any realm of your life? Because, for me, this sounds like what I’ve come to experience when working for other people. And, in all honesty, when I became the person to work for.
When people get promoted from within and have no real managerial experience, the jump is made naturally by mimicking the manager before them. This is the same as a parent/ child dynamic. It’s literally monkey see monkey do. So, if they were berated, mistreated, abused, and overworked, what do you think the natural managing style they will try to adopt is?
Now, unless you are more matured or have an innately high EI, this is the pattern you will follow. But on the flipside, that could hurt you, as it did for me when I became a manager.
Fighting so hard against what I had been exposed to didn’t leave me in a firm middle ground. Instead, it sent me over the line to pansy-ville where I would cater to everyones needs and pick up all of the slack. This was a dire case of people pleasing.
This left me with shoe prints on my back waiting for someone to throw me a bone and help me out. And it was also the precursor for the behavior that sent me down a road of codependence. I had no boundaries to speak of. I couldn’t protect myself from being taken advantage of, all while I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone (which is just impossible.)
Managing a business or department is hard work, but it doesn’t have to be a burden. As the reversed position of the Ten of Wands suggests, you don’t have to unnecessarily hold on to the attachment of dictatorship. There is a way to lead in a structured, yet respectful manner. And you may not learn that until the inevitable chaos of the Tower erupts and you are forced to change.
So, if you’re having trouble with your boss, and you like all of the other aspects about your job except for her or him, just remember that their behavior is a product of conditioning. If they are too hard on you, it’s most likely because they don’t have any other way to assert their dominance. Don’t take it too personally. And if you hate your job entirely, LEAVE. I know it’s a scary world out there, but it’s scarier to sit in a place of complacent misery for the rest of your life. I’ve known countless people to change full on careers between the ages of forty and sixty, so there are no excuses. Any age, any time, you can change your life to make you happier. Use awareness, get happy, and stay witchy ( *)
Episode 9 is live! Here you’ll meet Dr. Meredith Watson, an incredibly bubbly alchemist who will help you grow your business with integrity! If you’d like to follow up with Meredith you can find her at her Confidence Lounge(along with me!) and at her virtual villa!
To piggy back on my WednesdayWisdoms exercise, I want to dive a little further into my experience with career:
Throughout my life, I had always put pressure on finding a dream job. I have worked in the service industry since age thirteen, and worked full time through college, but it never fulfilled me. I always dreamed I was destined for more.
In the search, over time, I lost my path. I knew I needed certain things out of a job, but I lost my creativity. And to a point, I would take any job that had a fancy title.
When I got the chance to work as a general manager in a restaurant, I thought that that was it for me. I thought that one day I would take over and have a couple of restaurants in New York, but then, as with the crumble of my life at the time, I lost the job, and felt that I had lost everything.
I poured all of my energy into this job and into my toxic relationship and none of it into ME. I was not living with purpose because I felt I had none. I tried to find it in a man and a job, and when I lost both I felt that my purpose was taken from me. But, on the contrary, it was inside me the entire time.
Much like the Hermit of the Major Arcana, it was time for some serious soul searching. My purpose was in there somewhere, I just had to find it.
And my purpose, as with I believe all women’s purpose, is to live an authentic life. My authenticity stems from my intent to help. And once I carved out some boundaries around it, I’ve made it my career. My purpose has given me what I so desired. And it runs deep. Deeper than any title that wouldn’t, or couldn’t, serve me.
Now, like the World card shows, I feel a sense of fulfillment. And it’s because I’m listening to my body and my soul. I’m living out my will. I am not hushing my creativity or silencing my innate need to nurture.
So what is your soul screaming? What is the purpose you seek out to live? Who is the woman inside of you trying to be? If you listen to her and live with purpose, purpose will live with you back.
Episode 2 is live! Here you’ll meet Vanessa Meyer, a Los Angeles based hair stylist and dear friend of mine, who imparts some wisdom on finding your purpose. If you want to follow up with her, find her on Instagram @theglitterwhore and www.theglitterwhore.com