Using Rage Constructively

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So, you’ve got fire in your eyes and rage in your belly. What now?

Here’s what you can do to help:

  1. DONATE:
    • You can donate to the victims of the Charlottesville attack via multiple GoFundMe pages. The victims of the car attack can be reached here, to donate to the man beaten by Nazi’s in a parking garage here, and to Natalie Romero, a victim without health insurance, here. You can also donate to the local NAACP chapter here, the Black Lives Matter chapter here,  Charlottesville’s only synagogue here, and the Charlottesville Pride community here.
  2.  Protest:
    • It is terrifying out there right now, and with the recent events in Charlottesville, people are afraid to protest white supremacists. Unfortunately, now more than ever, we need to gather peacefully to show that we are not afraid and will not be intimidated. There is power in numbers, and you can be one of them by joining here.
  3. Stop hatespeech:
    • When you hear an employer, coworker, parent, teacher, or racist uncle say something that is discriminatory, CALL THAT SHIT OUT. Silence is violence. It is perpetuating that it is ok to use hate speech. People will do whatever they want so long as no one says anything, so SAY SOMETHING.
  4. Use the words White Supremacist and Nazi frequently:
    • This is not “alt right” or “nationalism.” Nazi’s hide behind terms like these to cloak what they actually are. Using the correct rhetoric fights denial. Call it out whenever you can.
  5. If you are a parent, educate your child:
    • Beliefs start at home, and preaching love and acceptance to your children will instill a moral compass that deters them from this scary, repugnant hate. Keep an eye on your young ones and educate, educate, educate.
  6. Write your representatives:
    • Are you outraged? Write the right people here. Demand equal and fair police protection. Update them on what is going on in your district. Complain about the president. Whatever it is that you have to say, tell them. They are called representatives for a reason; tell them who and how to represent.

There is a lot we can do, as a community, to start making change. Nothing gets done by sitting idly by. Get active, and stay witchy ( *)

 

WednesdayWisdoms: Eclipse Season Survival Guide

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This eclipse season is INTENSE witches!

With the full moon eclipse in Aquarius and the upcoming solar eclipse in Leo, we’re headed for an emotional and full throttle ride.

Since I had no post on Monday, I’ve decided to just craft a mini-survival guide for the next couple weeks, in lieu of a self help exercise according to the topic of the week.

Within all of this big big energy, we’re going to encounter three major things that will throw us for a loop. Here they are and how to keep your head on straight through it!

  1. Feeling vulnerable: 
    • This eclipse season is going to crack your soul open in a deep way. This may leave you feeling unsafe or scared. Just remember to not shrink up. Change is amazing and transformative, and the epiphanies at this time can help to lead you on a new and vibrant path. Use your judgement and proceed with caution in your day to day, and remember to be gentle with yourself, but ultimately embrace the tide.
  2. Acceleration: 
    • Life is MOVIN ladies! Quickly, I might add. In the face of a fast pace, I suggest taking a step back. Take things slowly, carefully, and deliberately. Try not to get swept up in anxiety and make impulsive moves that may land you in hot water. There is always time to breathe.
  3. Confusion:
    • With a period of night and day becoming one, there is a lot of confusion running about this season. A great way to find clarity is to journal journal journal. If you use a notepad to structure your thoughts, you will find more ease in your days. This is a great time for regular meditation as well.

All in all, I wouldn’t go into eclipse season feeling afraid. Just prepare yourself with the right tools and stay cognizant of why certain feelings may be coming up. Stay level headed and stay witchy ( *)

 

WednesdayWisdoms: How to Reach Out

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It’s hard to reach out to friends or family when you feel guilt or shame surrounding your situation. Those kinds of self-inflicted emotions can hinder your ability to speak up and reach out for the help you need.

So today I’m going to move, step by step, through how to pick up the phone:

  1. Notice your habits:
    • Make a journal or a list of things you tend to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed or down. Do you notice what your go-to actions are? Are you keeping a drinking log of how much you drink and when? Are you sleeping until 1pm instead of getting up at 8 and running like you used to? Has the small bag of chips turned into the family sized bag? What is falling off balance, and why? Is there a reason?
  2. Imagine your best friend called you for the same reason, and play out what you’d say in your head:
    • Would you judge him/ her? Would you scold them? Or would you be kind, loving, and supportive? Chances are, your phone call will go exactly the same way.
  3. Use the 5 second rule:
    • Feel the urge to call? Need help? Don’t give yourself more than five seconds to think about it. Literally count down to 5, and on 1, dial. If it is over 5 seconds, the brain will automatically start to create excuses. This tip is courtesy of miss Mel Robbins 🙂
  4. Reciprocity:
    • Friendships, the real good ones, are not one-sided and hollow. They are deep, nurturing, and loving. If you develop the kind of friendship that serves as a sacred safe space, you will always have support in your time of need. That means when your friend needs a pick me up, you’re there like you want them to be there for you. Being able to cultivate a friendship where you both lift each other up is priceless.

Don’t be afraid witchies. Reaching out is more rewarding than scary. It takes courage, but I know you’ve got that in spades. Get bold, and stay witchy ( *)

Reaching Out vs. Attention Seeking

img_3108As someone who previously felt shame in asking for help, I have a lot of experience in this area.

I used to think that if I couldn’t conquer something on my own, I was a failure. And not even just day to day tasks. In fact, I would internalize my emotional problems to the point of many sicknesses, because I thought that if I needed help dealing, I was crazy.

This, in turn, manifested in a lot of “acting out.” Crying when drunk, doing a bunch of drugs, easy sex, the list goes on. I was seeking attention because I needed help and didn’t know how to ask for it.

But here’s the secret: Asking for help isn’t shameful. Everyone needs help at some point in their life.

And now, that’s why I do what I do. I help those in need. I help rectify bad judgement and steer clients away from dangerous behavior. Because that was me.

So, are you acting as the Knight of Swords reversed? Acting out in a hasty and impulsive manner? Are you noticing that you are creating drama in order to get noticed? Is it because you can’t ask for help and are hoping these outlandish behaviors will force you into it? Is that really easier?

Or are you so ashamed that you’d rather impose your own isolation, as in the Four of Cups? Is there so much guilt involved in whatever you need help with, that you’d rather vanish all together?

I’ll say it again,  because it needs to be written in stone. Asking for help ISN’T SHAMEFUL.  It is actually an act of courage. It means you’d rather not walk around the subject in tragic circles, and instead point directly at the problem. It means that you are willing to stand up for yourself and do whatever it takes. It means there is too much bullshit in the world for you to create more that doesn’t need to be there. It means you’re a fighter.

So, if this speaks to you at all, I’m calling on you to reach out. Pick up the phone, and call a friend and talk. Spill your guts out and have a conversation about whatever is bothering you. This is not your cross to bear, and friends are there to listen. Friends don’t want you to struggle alone. And hopefully your friend can point you in the right direction for the help you need. And if that happens to be a life coach, you know where to find me. Stay witchy ( *)

 

 

Letting Go of Heartbreak

When love ends, there is always an undeniable hurt.

Even if you’re the one doing the ending, there is still an unshakable sadness. On the one hand, you don’t have the person around that you spent so much time with anymore. and on the other, there’s just plain disappointment.

I think the biggest reason why we hold onto this sadness and heartbreak, is because we were so attached to the hope that this person could be the “one.” And whether it came as a surprise because you were broken up with, or you sat with the decision to make the break, it’s never an easy reality to come to.

And that’s the thing that makes heartbreak so gut-wrenching. Because our society puts so much pressure on us to find that one special person to be with forever, when you end a relationship, it almost feels like failure. Like you’ll never attain your fairy tale. Because of an attachment to the outcome and what it means for you.

But when you look more closely, objectively, at the state of the relationship, you can start to make sense of why it ended in the first place. Do you want to live in something that clearly isn’t working, just for the sake of not being alone? Or, even, to prove that you did what you were supposed to do?

Consider The Lovers, who signify an alignment of values. What I’ve come to learn in my short life, is that, over time, peoples values change. And if your values are not running parallel with your lover’s any longer, it is time to sever the ties.

In fact, it’s time to embody the Fool. With whimsy and hope, it is time to embark on a new journey to find a soul with a new alignment of values. It’s time to let go of what is no longer serving you and to find what will for however long that lasts.

Love and heartbreak are difficult to navigate because of the emotional investment. But when you recognize that staying with someone who isn’t right for you isn’t helping anyone, it may be the push you need to finally let go. Take care of your heart, and stay witchy ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: Self-Forgiveness Ritual

img_2631On Monday, we spoke about forgiveness and spirituality when it comes to trauma. But instead of focusing on forgiving who harmed us, I think it’s more important that we forgive ourselves for the emotions we feel as we go through the healing process. It was not the clothes you were wearing, how much you drank, what you said, or how you said it. Abuse is abuse, and nothing will change until we make that abundantly clear.

 

So, to promote SELF- forgiveness, I’ve concocted a special ritual for victims of abuse (sexual or otherwise.) I think it will help to stimulate growth and strength.

Be well and be strong, for you are a survivor.

Supplies

  • Black Salt
  • Rose Quartz (for unconditional love)
  • Rose incense or Sage
  • A journal
  • White Candle
  • A water basin
  • A mirror

 

Ritual

Use sage or incense to purify the area. If you wish, smudge in a pentagram formation to call in the elements to help you through this. Also, use the smoke to cleanse your rose quartz of unwanted energy.

Sit in a comfortable position on the floor, with your white candle in front of you. This signifies purity. Sprinkle the black salt completely around you in a circle for protection, light the candle, and take out the journal.

Write down everything you can remember about your assault. I know this is difficult, but in a clear and objective manner, write down what happened. If you start to cry, it’s ok. Just feel through the emotions. Once you are done. Fold the piece of paper in half away from you and set it down,

Stare into the blue light of the flame and call in it’s power. Call in it’s passion and will for survival. Stare into the blue flame until you, yourself, become hot.

Take your piece of paper and set it over the flame, watching it burn as the memory becomes part of your past, and not who you are as a person. Before the flame grows out of control, throw it in the water basin.

Take the mirror, and stare into your eyes. Find the deepest part of you, and repeat three times:

“My body is merely a vessel, and no harm can come to my soul unless I allow it. I call in strength, power, and forgiveness to propel me forward into healing.”

Then put the mirror down, hold the rose quartz to your heart’s center, and imagine a pink light emanating from the stone and connecting with your heart. Imagine it slowly enveloping you in it’s radiance, and chant “forgiveness” as it grows.

Sit in meditation with this illuminating light for as long as it feels comfortable, and when you are ready, snuff out the candle, thank the elements, and break the circle.

I hope this proves to open the gate of healing for you. Stay witchy ( *)

 

Spirituality and Sexual Assault: The Literal Mind Fuck

Kristen Johnston was recently on my favorite podcast (you guessed it, What’s the Tee?) and she mentioned an article by Nancy Colier. In this article, titled “Letting Go of Toxic People: When Staying in it is Not More Spiritual,” she details the immense pressure we put on ourselves to be open and forgiving to those that have wronged us, for fear that we have not achieved a heightened sense of spirituality.

When it comes to certain trauma, like abuse, we are taught that forgiveness will set us free. And when we still have emotional responses to triggers or actually seeing our abuser, it’s possible to feel that we actually haven’t forgiven at all.

However, these emotional responses are a product of our reptilian brain, the oldest and most basic part of our brain that is only focused on survival. While you can decide on forgiveness in your prefrontal cortex, your reptilian brain may not follow suit. And that is ok. In fact, the forgiveness we practice should be turned towards ourselves. Rather than pushing the limits of our instinct to be “higher” and more “elevated,” we should accept ourselves for what just is.

If you have experienced this kind of immeasurable betrayal, as pictured in the Ten of Swords, forgiveness is not something that just happens because you decide so. There is a natural ebb and flow to healing, and while self exploration will help move things along faster, you cannot cut corners on healing from trauma. This is because new questions arise every day, concerning what you did to deserve this kind of treatment. And the answer is nothing. The answer is forgiving yourself for every feeling and honoring your emotions. THAT is where the spirituality lies.

As the Five of Cups suggests, it is time to move on and forgive. But the only person you owe that to is yourself. And in time, once you’ve accepted your space and have healed properly, you may forgive your abuser. But, as the article above stresses, you don’t need to push yourself in that direction. Your fight/ flight/ flee responses will always try to protect you, and they don’t need to be shamed. Suffering through these responses by being around your abuser, just to prove you’ve forgiven them, is not helping anyone.

So, forgive from afar. Protect yourself and honor yourself first. You don’t owe anyone contact if it doesn’t serve you. Remember that, and stay witchy ( *)