Season 2, Episode 6 is live! In this interview, I get acquainted with Jocelyn Zahn! We talk about diet culture, using creativity in the kitchen, and how changing your diet can help beat depression. Find her on Instagram or on her website!
Listen up and stay witchy ( *)
Tune in below and on iTunes, and be sure to subscribe and leave a rating!!! ( *)
As someone who previously felt shame in asking for help, I have a lot of experience in this area.
I used to think that if I couldn’t conquer something on my own, I was a failure. And not even just day to day tasks. In fact, I would internalize my emotional problems to the point of many sicknesses, because I thought that if I needed help dealing, I was crazy.
This, in turn, manifested in a lot of “acting out.” Crying when drunk, doing a bunch of drugs, easy sex, the list goes on. I was seeking attention because I needed help and didn’t know how to ask for it.
But here’s the secret: Asking for help isn’t shameful. Everyone needs help at some point in their life.
And now, that’s why I do what I do. I help those in need. I help rectify bad judgement and steer clients away from dangerous behavior. Because that was me.
So, are you acting as the Knight of Swords reversed? Acting out in a hasty and impulsive manner? Are you noticing that you are creating drama in order to get noticed? Is it because you can’t ask for help and are hoping these outlandish behaviors will force you into it? Is that really easier?
Or are you so ashamed that you’d rather impose your own isolation, as in the Four of Cups? Is there so much guilt involved in whatever you need help with, that you’d rather vanish all together?
I’ll say it again, because it needs to be written in stone. Asking for help ISN’T SHAMEFUL. It is actually an act of courage. It means you’d rather not walk around the subject in tragic circles, and instead point directly at the problem. It means that you are willing to stand up for yourself and do whatever it takes. It means there is too much bullshit in the world for you to create more that doesn’t need to be there. It means you’re a fighter.
So, if this speaks to you at all, I’m calling on you to reach out. Pick up the phone, and call a friend and talk. Spill your guts out and have a conversation about whatever is bothering you. This is not your cross to bear, and friends are there to listen. Friends don’t want you to struggle alone. And hopefully your friend can point you in the right direction for the help you need. And if that happens to be a life coach, you know where to find me. Stay witchy ( *)
Brought to you by a small bout of anxiety and depression, here is your WednesdayWisdoms exercise for the week!
Last post I fessed up about over-doing it on vacation and the spiral it led me down as a result. And under further investigation, I found that it is because I’ve strayed from my baseline routine.
There are certain things in everyone’s life that bring them joy and order. And when you abandon all of that for a certain length of time, you begin to float around in a sea of worry, not really realizing where you are in the ocean. And that’s because you pulled up your anchor.
Now the beauty of that, is that once you realize you’ve been floating aimlessly and that’s why you feel like shit, you can always drop anchor again! Now, what makes your anchor so sturdy?
For me, if I don’t have a steady diet, exercise, and meditation, I will go nuts. I will literally run off of the rails. And it’s very easily explainable. I don’t have proper nutrients to fuel my body, so I’m tired and feel gross, which means I don’t exercise. If I don’t exercise, I don’t get any endorphins, so I’m unhappy. And when I don’t meditate, I don’t clear a space in my head for my thoughts to pass through and it all becomes a screaming mess.
There are additional things, too. Like if I go too long without listening to an uplifting podcast (What’s the Tee with RuPaul and Michelle Visage and Your Kick Ass Life with Andrea Owen are my faves) or singing at the top of my lungs, I peter out as well.
So this week, I want you to observe your routine. What is it that maintains balance in your life? Is the morning cup of coffee from your Keurig an absolute staple? What about midday yoga? A certain TV show before you fall asleep? What brings happiness and order into your life?
Start naming these things and hold them at the highest importance. These are your new non-negotiables. No clients before coffee. No emails once you’ve turned on Golden Girls. Do not let these snippets of joy be compromised by anyone or anything. They are your baseline. They are your anchor.
So next time you feel an energy shift, do a check in with your routine. Have you been neglecting the things that provide order and happiness? Keep it together and stay witchy ( *)
For all my high achievers out there, I know it is hard to take some time to relax and enjoy yourselves. I know we can’t all go on expensive vacations around the world, but we can at least dedicate a few hours to ourselves out of our week to take it easy.
This week, I want you to pick one day and block off a few hours. Do a mud mask. Take a bath. Workout and then meditate. Watch Orange is the New Black. Any activity you want, but just be sure to dedicate it to yourself, sans interruptions. You deserve to kick back, so carve out the time! It is possible. I promise.
Set out a schedule of your week and see what you can move around to make it happen. Can you do laundry after work one day in order to free up some time on Sunday? Do it. Make time for yourself and structure your week accordingly. Your soul will thank you.
Stay mindful of your own time, and stay witchy ( *)
I get asked about recurring dreams all the time. I even used to struggle with them myself. But the funny thing about recurring dreams, or dreams in general, is that they are just metaphorical manifestations of our greatest fears and hopes.
One reader wrote to me recently that she often dreamt of a “frail, depressed girl” who was constantly out of reach. She kept trying to grab and help her, but the girl kept slipping away. And every time she woke up, she was frightened.
I asked her a few questions about her upbringing, and she had faced some neglect in her life. I asked her if she knew how to care for herself and give herself the attention she deserved, and she said not really. Then I asked her if the little girl in the dream could be her, and she didn’t know how to respond.
After she came to the realization that she so desperately wanted to save herself, but did’t know how, she started a healing process. You see, our dreams force our unconsciousness into light. It is in a cryptic, somewhat creepy manner, but it’s enough to grab our attention and make us curious.
The Moon illustrates fears and anxieties coming up from our subconscious. Sometimes we don’t know what is buried there, nor are we willing to uncover it. But let me tell you, if it wants to be heard, it will be.
In this instance you must embody the Fool. You must embark on this journey to find the pain that is plaguing you. And if it is so unconscious that you need help to discover what it is, I am always only an email away.
Since the My Trending Stories series has come to a close, I decided to implement something very useful for my readers. Welcome to WednesdayWisdoms!
Today I’m going to teach you how to meditate, because it has helped me in incredible ways!
I usually do it from 2-5 minutes a day. It really helps to sit with your back up straight, and to set a timer on your phone so you aren’t focused on how much time is going by.
And from here you just focus on your breath! I try to imagine the air flowing through my nostrils, filling my lungs, and exhaling out of my body. Then I continue the cycle.
If your mind flows in and out of thoughts, don’t beat yourself up! This is why it’s a practice. But every time you feel your thoughts slipping away, return it to your breath. And pretty soon, you’ll find yourself in a calm space away from clutter.
Instead of picking up your phone first thing in the morning, set a timer. Or, instead of watching that last TV show before bed, get meditating to relax. It is super easy to fit in 2-5 minutes, I promise!
The benefits of meditation are vast, and help to cultivate a sense of peace. It creates this space in your brain you can return to when you experience anxiety, fear, depression, etc.
Make it a part of your daily practice and you’ll start seeing a difference in a few weeks.
It’s difficult to trust things when they are good, isn’t it?
I find myself asking when the other shoe will drop quite often, and in order to protect myself from disappointment, I’ll allot myself a happiness allowance.
If I’m only so happy, I can only be so disappointed.
But why would you limit your ability to be happy? Sure, there is always the possibility of a low to counter the high, but don’t you think you’re deserving of happiness, fleeting or not?
In the Nine of Cups, we see wishes fulfilled. We see a celebration of comfort and happiness. We see true bliss. This is something we need to relish an appreciate, not something we block out because of fear.
When we do that, we become the Ace of Cupes reversed, which denotes repressed emotions. Any emotion that isn’t felt fully, good OR bad, is like a loaded gun. And to diminish the amount of joy we feel is just plain unfair.
Treating happiness with skepticism is cheating yourself. Only allowing a bit of it so you don’t over sell your true emotions is a cop out. I know that disappointment is scary, but to live fully and authentically we must live in the moment and cherish our feelings as is right now. Anxiety surrounding the future and paranoia regarding the past should not keep you from experiencing the natural highs of the present. Feel authentically and stay witchy ( *)
Can you be in a healthy relationship with someone who is not fully healed?
The Lovers reversed suggests an imbalance. Some disharmony between the two. But I don’t think it is impossible.
Actually, I think the key here is willingness. When we enter into a relationship, we bring our own set of baggage, as our partner does, and we both have to work with it. We have to accept that it’s there, but also not let it get in the way.
So let’s say both partners have gotten out of pretty awful previous relationships. Let’s also say that one person has a higher EQ (emotional intelligence quotient) than the other. This may lead to some rough patches given that some baggage may bleed into the relationship, and only one partner is equipped to handle it.
Here I would say the willingness and acceptance of the partner who is struggling, as well as the patience of the other, is essential. Getting into therapy to help to cope with all of the new ups and downs of a fresh relationship could be very conducive for the struggling party. And not only for the relationship, but the partner as an independent.
As we see in the reversed Five of Cups, we need to move on and accept our shortcomings. Moving on and pushing through doesn’t mean forgetting the past, it means recognizing what makes you, you, and becoming the best version of yourself through practice.
Relationships are funny, in that they can be so compelling with two dysfunctional humans working in tandem. However, it only works well to a point. If you want a long lasting, fruitful relationship, BOTH partners have to be willing to be vulnerable, communicate, and accept their baggage. No one is perfect, but knowing that you aren’t and getting help with your roadblocks will ensure you have a healthy relationship. Regardless of if it works out or not is another story, but it will help you grow, minimize the drama, and treat your partner with fairness. Stay accountable and stay witchy ( *)