Season 2 Episode 7

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witchywisdoms.com

Season 2, Episode 7 is live! In this interview, I get acquainted with Rhian Kivits! In this episode, we get intimate and talk about S E X. Find her on Instagram, Facebook, or on her website!

Listen up and stay witchy ( *)

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Tune in below and on iTunes, and be sure to subscribe and leave a rating!!! ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: Releasing the Negative

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When shitty things happen to you, and they will through the course of your life, you have two clear routes to take. As discussed in the previous post, you can turn to whiney victimhood, or to raw vulnerability that helps you move on in an organic way.

But before you get to this fork in the road, there is a long stretch of grieving. Some of us know how to grieve, in fact, we’re seasoned professionals. Some of us others, however, would rather push the grief down or aside until it takes the wheel as an act of rebellion,  and we’re forced down the road of panicky, inconsistent victimhood.

So for all of the events, people, pets, homes, jobs, or traumas you never got to grieve, I have an exercise in purging some of the anger that leads us down the back alley of victimhood.

We’re going to write down everything we wish we could have said “no” to.

I suggest Post-it notes or index cards. You want to write each specific event on a card of it’s own. We aren’t making a list, we’re giving individual space to each shitty life event.

There is no need to journal on this either. Give your event a title, and as you write it down, imagine what it would look like if you could have said “no” to this particular event.

Then, for each card, I want you to burn it (safely!) over an open flame. As you do, say the following:

“I cannot change the past, but I can re-route my future. I accept the reality of the present, and release my anger towards ___________”

This should help to begin a revolutionary healing process. Acceptance is the final stage of grief in the Kübler- Ross Grief Cycle. But we must move through the other six stages in order to get there.

What I find people hang on to the most in grief is guilt and anger. This ritual should alleviate some of those feelings so you can continue your journey inward, and then onward. Stay strong, and, as always, stay witchy ( *)

Tales From My Bedroom Floor: Volume 6, The Strong Woman in Training

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Volume 6 is now up on My Trending Stories! Go read here: https://mytrendingstories.com/article/tales-from-my-bedroom-floor-volume-6-the-strong-woman-in-training/

In this six part series, I go through times that were pivotal in collecting my personal and detrimental belief system, all while crying on my bedroom floor.

 

This is the final volume of this series, and I hope you all have enjoyed reading through it! From here on out, you’re going to see a new series, titled WednesdayWisdoms, coming to you weekly.

If you’ve seen the value in my Tales From My Bedroom Floor series, you will most certainly see the value in this new series, where I will be giving expert advice on the tools in my tool belt.

Stay tuned for next week, and stay witchy ( *)

 

Where Are You In Your Journey: Episode 3

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witchywisdoms.com

Episode 3 is live! Here you’ll meet Kia Graves, a New York based producer, actor, and writer, who shares about her rape trauma and journey through healing as a single mother. If you’d like to follow up with Kia you can find her on Instagram, Facebook, and through Mountain Moving Studio.

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Why Can’t You See the Love When it’s Staring You in the Face?

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I remember, as a child, feeling quite alone and isolated. I remember a deep, unquenchable thirst for love that I thought I wasn’t getting. I convinced myself that I was not receiving love, and was therefore unworthy of it. I found comfort and solace in pain.

But why? My parents loved me. I had a little sister who has only grown closer to me. I always had friends. Why was it that I chose to see the world from a negative angle?

The truth is, when you have such a deep set belief that you are undeserving or unworthy of something, you are going to take every opportunity to prove your point to yourself. This is where your perfectionism steps in. You aren’t allowed to be wrong, so your perfectionism will prove your point to you over and over again, even when it is detrimental and untrue. Much like the Orange Car Effect, your perfectionism will cherry pick evidence to prove just how unworthy you are. It is just doing it’s job. And not only is this very clearly damaging, but it is perpetual. Only you can choose to stop and see the love.

But how do you break this cycle? How do you go from one day proving to yourself that you are alone and nobody loves you to becoming a confident powerhouse? Well it takes time, imperfectly, one day at a time. It is a slow process, but it starts internally. That’s the beautiful thing, because you’re holding yourself accountable.

Once you decide to make this shift from self destruction to appreciating yourself, the Orange Car Effect shifts into this new gear, where you’re getting little gems of appreciation from outside sources. And not to count on them as validation, though you may need that at first, they just show up organically because you are starting to heal.

So why can’t you see the love when it’s staring you in the face? It’s because you don’t want to. You aren’t ready yet. But that’s ok, my friend. It is out there waiting for you to embrace it. Stay witchy ( *)

Codependency in a Vacuum

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More than an article to provide advice, this blog post comes to you as sort of a realization piece, courtesy of my recent trip and a conversation with my sister. Hopefully this can additionally add insight to someones life who may need it, however, this is meant more to be an exercise in self exploration.

Here at WitchyWisdoms, I write about my relationship with a heroin addict at length. I also use to word “codependent” to often describe myself and my struggles. But reflecting away from the self-help jargon has actually brought me to a different understanding, and it is becoming more and more clear that I am not a definitive codependent, but was one in a vacuum.

Let me elaborate: as a person who has struggled a lot with self love, self acceptance, anxiety, and depression, I have had many instances where I would exhibit reckless behavior to get attention. However, my happiness growing up was not contingent on that of another. My happiness was lost in the shuffle, and I would look for it in many different forms of addiction. Where codependency is more of a trait than an isolated incident, it was not ever something I embodied until recently.

After my rape, I felt used and unwanted. I felt as though I should be discarded because I was tainted. And at that very moment, my knight in shining armor, or rather a sheep in wolf’s clothing, stepped in and made me feel like I was deserving of love. This is where the vacuum begins.

Through a seemingly necessary dependence on him, because I now owed him my life and happiness, I could not risk losing him. And he played the game very well. Rich with manipulation and emotional abuse, he guided me through a very codependent moment in my life. But once I sought out help, did some digging, and did the work, it almost seemed crazy that I ever fell for his games. It seemed like he had dated another person entirely.

And that is what usually happens in recovery. Once you look back at the person who you once were, they seem unrecognizable to you. But in my case, and what my sister, who has seen me grow up in various stages, helped me to realize, is that I didn’t struggle with codependency before him, nor do I now. This isn’t something that is a hurdle for me to jump over. But given my circumstances and a perfect storm of feeling alone and down-trodden, I exhibited text book codependency.

Now this is not to serve to look down on anyone who is codependent. I have my very rich share of troubles that I continue to work on, but this just isn’t recurring. It is helpful to see what your journey looks like from a realistic angle, because spending time working on something that isn’t an issue for you is not beneficial. And while, at the time, group meetings and books on codependency helped me tremendously, it helped the symptom of the underlying issue, which is most certainly trauma from sexual abuse. This year I will be searching out trauma counseling, and I look forward to sharing my progress with you all. Stay healthy and happy witches ( *)

Why Do We Keep Getting in Our Own Way?

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The Seven of Swords represents mental challenges; breaking old habits that have been built after reoccurring setbacks. This card shows the difficulty in embarking in a new direction, but the willingness to start a new chapter.

When something comes up that seems too good to be true, we tend to overthink things, re-rationalize, and convince ourselves out of the current situation in order to protect ourselves from what we have learned is the inevitable outcome. We self sabotage until we reach the end result we have come to know all too well.

If you start a new job that you absolutely adore but are afraid of being laid off yet again, start a new relationship but just know its not going to end well, or start a new project but just have this sinking feeling that it isn’t going to get the feedback you desire, then you have experienced this Negative Nancy syndrome. We set our expectations low and our hopes high in secret, only to prove to ourselves that we’re going to be let down again. Because if we do it to ourselves, it is easier to take then if we let someone else hurt us.

Now it is totally true that there are forces outside of us that we cannot control. We cannot control other peoples actions and we sure as hell can’t control the universe. And that is scary, because as humans we are soft and vulnerable at our core. But in order to be our happiest, we need to show up fully every time we get an opportunity to. We need to show that gooey soft core because that is human. And 9 times out of 10 it is received really well, because others need to feel that vulnerability to.

We’ve all had broken hearts. Lost jobs. Lost family members. Things that hurt more than any cut or burn. But these pains we experience are opportunities for growth, change and strength within us. They offer out two hands each holding a different outcome. On the one you can turn your pain into anger and distrust, or on the other you can turn it into compassion and healing. Which life sounds more appealing?

It is a simple fight or flight response to protect our heart from hurt with distrust. Distrust in another human, ourselves, and/or the environment. But that creates a very small world to live inside. It creates a little sad bubble where only you are invited, and you never get to experience anyone elses warmth because you never give out yours. Relationships of all kinds are two way streets, and you create this self sabotage when you take more than you get.

So try to get vulnerable with yourself first. Its a scary world out there, I know. But there is so much love and beauty to be experienced when you create some room to let it in. Don’t hide in the shadows. Get out there and feel the warmth of the sun. Start trusting, don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work out, and stay witchy ( *)