WednesdayWisdoms: Crafting a Baseline Routine

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Brought to you by a small bout of anxiety and depression, here is your WednesdayWisdoms exercise for the week!

Last post I fessed up about over-doing it on vacation and the spiral it led me down as a result. And under further investigation, I found that it is because I’ve strayed from my baseline routine.

There are certain things in everyone’s life that bring them joy and order. And when you abandon all of that for a certain length of time, you begin to float around in a sea of worry, not really realizing where you are in the ocean. And that’s because you pulled up your anchor.

Now the beauty of that, is that once you realize you’ve been floating aimlessly and that’s why you feel like shit, you can always drop anchor again! Now, what makes your anchor so sturdy?

For me, if I don’t have a steady diet, exercise, and meditation, I will go nuts. I will literally run off of the rails. And it’s very easily explainable. I don’t have proper nutrients to fuel my body, so I’m tired and feel gross, which means I don’t exercise. If I don’t exercise, I don’t get any endorphins, so I’m unhappy. And when I don’t meditate, I don’t clear a space in my head for my thoughts to pass through and it all becomes a screaming mess.

There are additional things, too. Like if I go too long without listening to an uplifting podcast (What’s the Tee with RuPaul and Michelle Visage and Your Kick Ass Life with Andrea Owen are my faves) or singing at the top of my lungs, I peter out as well.

So this week, I want you to observe your routine. What is it that maintains balance in your life? Is the morning cup of coffee from your Keurig an absolute staple? What about midday yoga? A certain TV show before you fall asleep? What brings happiness and order into your life?

Start naming these things and hold them at the highest importance. These are your new non-negotiables. No clients before coffee. No emails once you’ve turned on Golden Girls. Do not let these snippets of joy be compromised by anyone or anything. They are your baseline. They are your anchor.

So next time you feel an energy shift, do a check in with your routine. Have you been neglecting the things that provide order and happiness? Keep it together and stay witchy ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: Dealing with a Dictator

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Are you dealing with a high strung manager that won’t get off your back? Try these tips to keep yourself sane under all of the harsh treatment.

1. Remember that they are under A LOT of pressure.

Most likely, if your manager is coming down on you hard for something, it is because they are under direct order to do so. Their delivery might be harsh, because they aren’t too versed in how to communicate, but they are only doing their job. This understanding might help you to just let it go.

2. Breathe

It is really easy to fire back with a response, start to tear up, or shake with anger (whatever your chosen method is) when faced with someone who is a condescending prick. But if you remember to take three deep, long inhales before responding, and slightly meditate on, or at least remind yourself of, the first tip, the whole world starts to feel bigger than just that interaction.

3. Just say yes

This was a huge one for me to learn. I love to have a comeback and an answer, but in all honesty, you need to save yourself the exhaustion. Just agree with your boss. If it’s a deadline that you can’t possibly make because of all of your other work, then speak up in a polite manner, but if it’s anything trivial, just say yes. You don’t even have to do it (haha don’t tell them I told you that.) Sometimes, bosses just need to say something to remind themselves they are the boss. And if you just nod in agreement, they’ll walk away feeling great and you can go on doing your job as well as you always do.

4. Remember the BIG picture

Are you truly happy at this job, despite your boss? Do you like your coworkers, the work you produce, and your hours? Is the pay good? Is the commute worth it? Think of this tip like you think of finding an ideal mate. Tick off all of the must haves, the “great if it did” haves, and the “could do without”s. Is this job meeting your standards? Or are you convincing yourself that you’re happy because you don’t know anything else? Ask the big questions before continuing to put up with a sour asshole who’s bad at communication.

I hope these help you in your future work endeavors. Working for someone else is not easy, but neither is owning a business. Neither is sitting still forever. It all takes work. Just remember to ask yourself what will make you the most happy. Stay witchy ( *)

When the Oppressed Become the Oppressor



Brought to you by another RuPaul gem, this week is all about werk, werk, werk.

In some of his earlier podcast episodes, Ru talks about queens that get a slice of fame after chasing it for so long, and then start to emulate the monster celebrities that preceded them. They become hard to work with and act like damn DIVAS.

Does this sound familiar in any realm of your life? Because, for me, this sounds like what I’ve come to experience when working for other people. And, in all honesty, when I became the person to work for.

When people get promoted from within and have no real managerial experience, the jump is made naturally by mimicking the manager before them. This is the same as a parent/ child dynamic. It’s literally monkey see monkey do. So, if they were berated, mistreated, abused, and overworked, what do you think the natural managing style they will try to adopt is?

Now, unless you are more matured or have an innately high EI, this is the pattern you will follow. But on the flipside, that could hurt you, as it did for me when I became a manager.

Fighting so hard against what I had been exposed to didn’t leave me in a firm middle ground. Instead, it sent me over the line to pansy-ville where I would cater to everyones needs and pick up all of the slack. This was a dire case of people pleasing.

This left me with shoe prints on my back waiting for someone to throw me a bone and help me out. And it was also the precursor for the behavior that sent me down a road of codependence. I had no boundaries to speak of. I couldn’t protect myself from being taken advantage of, all while I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone (which is just impossible.)

Managing a business or department is hard work, but it doesn’t have to be a burden. As the reversed position of the Ten of Wands suggests, you don’t have to unnecessarily hold on to the attachment of dictatorship. There is a way to lead in a structured, yet respectful manner. And you may not learn that until the inevitable chaos of the Tower erupts and you are forced to change.

So, if you’re having trouble with your boss, and you like all of the other aspects about your job except for her or him, just remember that their behavior is a product of conditioning. If they are too hard on you, it’s most likely because they don’t have any other way to assert their dominance. Don’t take it too personally. And if you hate your job entirely, LEAVE. I know it’s a scary world out there, but it’s scarier to sit in a place of complacent misery for the rest of your life. I’ve known countless people to change full on careers between the ages of forty and sixty, so there are no excuses. Any age, any time, you can change your life to make you happier. Use awareness, get happy, and stay witchy ( *)