WednesdayWisdoms: How to Reach Out

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It’s hard to reach out to friends or family when you feel guilt or shame surrounding your situation. Those kinds of self-inflicted emotions can hinder your ability to speak up and reach out for the help you need.

So today I’m going to move, step by step, through how to pick up the phone:

  1. Notice your habits:
    • Make a journal or a list of things you tend to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed or down. Do you notice what your go-to actions are? Are you keeping a drinking log of how much you drink and when? Are you sleeping until 1pm instead of getting up at 8 and running like you used to? Has the small bag of chips turned into the family sized bag? What is falling off balance, and why? Is there a reason?
  2. Imagine your best friend called you for the same reason, and play out what you’d say in your head:
    • Would you judge him/ her? Would you scold them? Or would you be kind, loving, and supportive? Chances are, your phone call will go exactly the same way.
  3. Use the 5 second rule:
    • Feel the urge to call? Need help? Don’t give yourself more than five seconds to think about it. Literally count down to 5, and on 1, dial. If it is over 5 seconds, the brain will automatically start to create excuses. This tip is courtesy of miss Mel Robbins 🙂
  4. Reciprocity:
    • Friendships, the real good ones, are not one-sided and hollow. They are deep, nurturing, and loving. If you develop the kind of friendship that serves as a sacred safe space, you will always have support in your time of need. That means when your friend needs a pick me up, you’re there like you want them to be there for you. Being able to cultivate a friendship where you both lift each other up is priceless.

Don’t be afraid witchies. Reaching out is more rewarding than scary. It takes courage, but I know you’ve got that in spades. Get bold, and stay witchy ( *)

Taking Vacations

Hello witches! This week I am on V A C A T I O N *****

My little sister graduated so we went to watch her walk the stage in Northern California, have road-tripped down to Vegas (where I am currently) and will be heading back to my home town of little old Los Angeles on Wednesday for a few days.

Currently, I am embracing the Nine of Pentacles by enjoying the fruits of my labor. I have been working my buns off and now it is time to enjoy some fun in the sun 🙂

The Three of Cups is all about celebration and community, and being around my family has all of my wishes fulfilled. It’s hard to live so far away from them, but it makes the time we have together so much more special.

I hope you are all enjoying your summer. Stay witchy ( *) !!

Your Goal, Your Motivator, and the Journey

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The Chariot is a very triumphant card that represents conquest through willpower and determination. And for every task that can be succeeded, there is a motivator to keep the tenacity alive.

But what motivates you? And does that motivator lead to healthy goals?

While it can be argued that regardless of the motivator, the completion of the task is what is important. But, this combo says a lot about you and will unearth a lot of deeper soul stuff. This will help show you where you are in your life.

Personally, men and love were my motivators for a very long time. And the journey to the goal was quite unhealthy. I would go out of my way to do things that I wouldn’t normally do, some dangerous, some not, in order to be liked more by the male species. And once I realized that none of these decisions were actually mine, my whole world got flipped upside down.

Suffering with bulimia was motivated by men and love. If I could just get skinny enough, I would find my soulmate, put on that size zero white dress, and walk down the aisle. I just needed to be thin in order for that to happen. Being thin and finding love was the goal. Men and love were the motivators, and bulimia was the journey.

Being cool and bad ass by smoking a bunch of meth was motivated by men and love. If I quit doing that, I would be uncool and lose my amazing drug dealing boyfriend who still lived with his grandparents.And what a catch he was! He was the motivator, being cool was the goal, and ruining my body with illicit substances was the journey.

Trying to make a toxic and co-dependent relationship work was motivated by men and love. Because who could love the failure and the quitter that couldn’t get her boyfriend off of heroin? The goal was a perfect relationship, that man, and ultimately love, were the motivators, and codependency was the journey.

You see, when you forgo your own will for the sake of proving something for the wrong reason, you end up getting swept under the rug. You lose your personality and become this chameleon, rather than harnessing your inner bad bitch and becoming a unique kween that people will love for the right and true reasons.

But these goals and motivators aren’t always super scary after school special stories. Sometimes they are really simple things that reflect what we are willing to do and for what reasons.

Like staying in a job you absolutely despise for the money. While money may be your goal, your journey is hell! And finding a new job is just not as daunting as it once was. Many of us have the freedom to find a job, but won’t leave because the comfort motivates us to stay.

Even something silly and actually quite healthy as a goal could prove to have not so healthy motivators. As I said before, men and love motivated me. But sometimes the goals attached were healthy ones. The only difference was, that since I wasn’t attaining these goals for me, but for them, the journey wasn’t fully and purely my own.

I remember in high school I used to practice singing in front of the mirror, putting on a heartfelt concert for all of my ex boyfriends and current crushes. I was going to be the best singer ever and I was going to croon like the greats JUST so they would know what they were missing out on.

Instead of doing it because I loved it (which I did, and I do) it became all about them. I lost my goal to sing for enjoyment in my motivators. I would only sing songs that would reflect how I felt about THEM, rather than broadening my horizons and experimenting for my own creative gain. My journey was filled with pain and spite, and I was confined to that.

Now I am not saying to dissect your whole life and every decision you ever made in this way, but when you start to realize a pattern in your behavior, you can start doing the good hard work towards being your authentic self. Be happy where you are, trust the journey, question your goals and motivators, and stay witchy ( *)

 

Grief

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To bereave quite literally means to deprive or to rob. Anyone who has dealt with grief will know that this is exactly how one feels. Robbed.

Be it a death, a divorce, the loss of a job, really anything that a person can become saddened by, we all have our own ways in which we grieve.

Some cry, some don’t. Some want to be alone, while others choose to be around loved ones. What is important is that when we grieve, we do it in a healthy manner.

Support can come in all different forms. If you don’t know what to say to a grieving person, that’s just fine. Grieving can be awkward for those not involved. But dancing around the subject of loss, rather than being present and accepting that you have no idea what to say, can actually harm the relationship you are trying to preserve.

The truth is, nothing will make a situation better. There is no magic wand to wave and “fix” reality. To best support a grieving person, offer a kind word, a hug, or even a smile. Let the person know that they can come to you for a chat if they want to. That they are in your thoughts.

Grief is never fun. But it is a necessary vehicle towards healing. The grief never really goes away, but it lessens over time. When you are a friend trying to help, you can always do so by just being there.

Stay supportive and stay witchy ( *)

Worrywart

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Two days in a row, the five of pentacles makes an appearance! However, today we are working with an upright version of this card. This suggests insecurity and worry.

One of my favorite sayings in the world is “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It passes the time, but doesn’t get you anywhere.”

That being said, those of us that are control freaks can’t help but passing the time in that fateful rocking chair.

Worrying is an art that is cultivated and nurtured over time. We weren’t born with this skill, but it almost makes us feel better to think about solutions or outcomes to things over and over and over again in our heads. It makes us feel like we could be prepared for any situation. Or at least, like we weren’t caught off guard. That’s why we keep doing it.

However, it is just taking up space in our brains. It doesn’t actually help us, it distracts us. It sabotages us. What is, is. And what will be, will be. Uncertainty is terrifying, and worrying helps us to wrap our heads around possible outcomes.

Think of your mind as Mrs. De Winter and your worry as Mrs. Danvers (I just watched Rebecca last night, if you don’t get the reference the film is on YouTube.)

Your mind is naive and so verklempt by the situation at hand that it is easily malleable. And your worry is doing mental gymnastics so decorated that Simone Biles would flip her shit. Your worry is convincing you into a deeper and deeper hole until you’re at the bottom of a well looking up at Buffalo Bill.

Your worry doesn’t serve you. It traps you. It might make you feel comfortable in the moment, because if you think about it constantly you have a handle on it. But in actuality, it serves as your coffin, being slowly nailed.

I worry about most things. But I’ve since thought up a way to escape from my worries. Now, when I find a thought persistently entering my mind, I write it down. I feel as though I haven’t lost it that way. Like it is safe. But at the same time, it doesn’t poison me anymore. It’s almost as if I have set my demon free.

This blog helps me as well. Whether it is a list, a diary, a blog, or even vocalizing to a friend, setting a thought free rather than hiding and fixating is a healthy alternative. You end the sabotage, and regain control over your brain.

So let it go, and stay witchy ( *)

 

 

 

Finding Your Tribe

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The Four of Wands signifies celebration, harmony, and community. It represents the completion of a milestone and the festivities to follow.

This is a very positive card, and exists when things are in full balance. This card exists with a basis of a strong community, i.e. your tribe.

Finding your core people can take a lifetime. Many people will come in and out of your life on a daily basis, but finding those that support you, help you grow, and love you for all that you are is no easy task. When you find these people, you hold on to them dearly.

I am fortunate enough to have quite a few core people in my life. Some people come into your life only when you are ready for them. Some people appear when you need them. But the appreciation for their friendship comes with maturity. I had to burn some bridges to figure that out. I, unfortunately, learn things the hard way. That meant a few lost friends along the way.

Through spiritual growth, I met some very strong women and appreciate them for the qualities they possessed. They inspire me. And the overwhelming support I have received through my many ups and downs in life has been unparalleled. I am very fortunate to have such an amazing tribe. Stay appreciative and stay witchy ( *)

Harnessing your inner bad ass bitch

So today I went to model for my friend @nycrituals (Instagram) in Central Park. Generally this is the kind of project I would shy away from because of its need for confidence in front of the camera. I’m a selfie girl more than anything, which really stems from my control surrounding my beauty quality number. For other people’s vision, however, I end up having an exposure hangover from how exhausting it is to model. But today I woke up on the right side of the bed with an amazing attitude and energy towards this project. Which brings me to my very first topic that I want to cover: ENERGY.

That’s right people. The witch believes in energy 😉
The best makeup is good energy and confidence. However, it’s a bit more expensive than your neighborhood bare minerals powder. It costs loving yourself.

Loving yourself is a lifestyle, and how to get there will unfold in my writing project through the search for it myself 😜. But through your journey, the understanding of the flow of energy will propel you to greatness. On this topic, I believe people limit themselves to a bracket of what they are willing to accept. People will only accept the amount of energy they are willing to give. If it’s not enough: judgement. If it’s too much: judgement. If it’s just right: perfect chemistry. So don’t judge yourself on people’s acceptance of your energy. Harness it to its fullest and you will find your people. I have always been an extremely energetic child and spent most of my life trying to reign back my energy to please other people. “Think before you speak” sort of stuff (which is a wonderful mantra but was a little detrimental to MY creative juices.) Lately I have been letting my hair down and really digging deep into my craziness. No holds barred. I feel it, I live it. My face has done most of the talking for me since I was young; I really wear my emotions out loud. However, I have always hesitated on creative things I was afraid would get backlash on. I couldn’t believe in myself. Well people, today were rewriting the dialouge!! I AM a model. I am whatever I believe I can be. And you are too little witches ( *)