WednesdayWisdoms: How to Reach Out

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It’s hard to reach out to friends or family when you feel guilt or shame surrounding your situation. Those kinds of self-inflicted emotions can hinder your ability to speak up and reach out for the help you need.

So today I’m going to move, step by step, through how to pick up the phone:

  1. Notice your habits:
    • Make a journal or a list of things you tend to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed or down. Do you notice what your go-to actions are? Are you keeping a drinking log of how much you drink and when? Are you sleeping until 1pm instead of getting up at 8 and running like you used to? Has the small bag of chips turned into the family sized bag? What is falling off balance, and why? Is there a reason?
  2. Imagine your best friend called you for the same reason, and play out what you’d say in your head:
    • Would you judge him/ her? Would you scold them? Or would you be kind, loving, and supportive? Chances are, your phone call will go exactly the same way.
  3. Use the 5 second rule:
    • Feel the urge to call? Need help? Don’t give yourself more than five seconds to think about it. Literally count down to 5, and on 1, dial. If it is over 5 seconds, the brain will automatically start to create excuses. This tip is courtesy of miss Mel Robbins 🙂
  4. Reciprocity:
    • Friendships, the real good ones, are not one-sided and hollow. They are deep, nurturing, and loving. If you develop the kind of friendship that serves as a sacred safe space, you will always have support in your time of need. That means when your friend needs a pick me up, you’re there like you want them to be there for you. Being able to cultivate a friendship where you both lift each other up is priceless.

Don’t be afraid witchies. Reaching out is more rewarding than scary. It takes courage, but I know you’ve got that in spades. Get bold, and stay witchy ( *)

Where Are You In Your Journey: Episode 2

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witchywisdoms.com

Episode 2 is live! Here you’ll meet Vanessa Meyer, a Los Angeles based hair stylist and dear friend of mine, who imparts some wisdom on finding your purpose. If you want to follow up with her, find her on Instagram @theglitterwhore and www.theglitterwhore.com

 

Listen below, on iTunes, and on Soundcloud ( *)


Grief

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To bereave quite literally means to deprive or to rob. Anyone who has dealt with grief will know that this is exactly how one feels. Robbed.

Be it a death, a divorce, the loss of a job, really anything that a person can become saddened by, we all have our own ways in which we grieve.

Some cry, some don’t. Some want to be alone, while others choose to be around loved ones. What is important is that when we grieve, we do it in a healthy manner.

Support can come in all different forms. If you don’t know what to say to a grieving person, that’s just fine. Grieving can be awkward for those not involved. But dancing around the subject of loss, rather than being present and accepting that you have no idea what to say, can actually harm the relationship you are trying to preserve.

The truth is, nothing will make a situation better. There is no magic wand to wave and “fix” reality. To best support a grieving person, offer a kind word, a hug, or even a smile. Let the person know that they can come to you for a chat if they want to. That they are in your thoughts.

Grief is never fun. But it is a necessary vehicle towards healing. The grief never really goes away, but it lessens over time. When you are a friend trying to help, you can always do so by just being there.

Stay supportive and stay witchy ( *)

Worrywart

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Two days in a row, the five of pentacles makes an appearance! However, today we are working with an upright version of this card. This suggests insecurity and worry.

One of my favorite sayings in the world is “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It passes the time, but doesn’t get you anywhere.”

That being said, those of us that are control freaks can’t help but passing the time in that fateful rocking chair.

Worrying is an art that is cultivated and nurtured over time. We weren’t born with this skill, but it almost makes us feel better to think about solutions or outcomes to things over and over and over again in our heads. It makes us feel like we could be prepared for any situation. Or at least, like we weren’t caught off guard. That’s why we keep doing it.

However, it is just taking up space in our brains. It doesn’t actually help us, it distracts us. It sabotages us. What is, is. And what will be, will be. Uncertainty is terrifying, and worrying helps us to wrap our heads around possible outcomes.

Think of your mind as Mrs. De Winter and your worry as Mrs. Danvers (I just watched Rebecca last night, if you don’t get the reference the film is on YouTube.)

Your mind is naive and so verklempt by the situation at hand that it is easily malleable. And your worry is doing mental gymnastics so decorated that Simone Biles would flip her shit. Your worry is convincing you into a deeper and deeper hole until you’re at the bottom of a well looking up at Buffalo Bill.

Your worry doesn’t serve you. It traps you. It might make you feel comfortable in the moment, because if you think about it constantly you have a handle on it. But in actuality, it serves as your coffin, being slowly nailed.

I worry about most things. But I’ve since thought up a way to escape from my worries. Now, when I find a thought persistently entering my mind, I write it down. I feel as though I haven’t lost it that way. Like it is safe. But at the same time, it doesn’t poison me anymore. It’s almost as if I have set my demon free.

This blog helps me as well. Whether it is a list, a diary, a blog, or even vocalizing to a friend, setting a thought free rather than hiding and fixating is a healthy alternative. You end the sabotage, and regain control over your brain.

So let it go, and stay witchy ( *)

 

 

 

Finding Your Tribe

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The Four of Wands signifies celebration, harmony, and community. It represents the completion of a milestone and the festivities to follow.

This is a very positive card, and exists when things are in full balance. This card exists with a basis of a strong community, i.e. your tribe.

Finding your core people can take a lifetime. Many people will come in and out of your life on a daily basis, but finding those that support you, help you grow, and love you for all that you are is no easy task. When you find these people, you hold on to them dearly.

I am fortunate enough to have quite a few core people in my life. Some people come into your life only when you are ready for them. Some people appear when you need them. But the appreciation for their friendship comes with maturity. I had to burn some bridges to figure that out. I, unfortunately, learn things the hard way. That meant a few lost friends along the way.

Through spiritual growth, I met some very strong women and appreciate them for the qualities they possessed. They inspire me. And the overwhelming support I have received through my many ups and downs in life has been unparalleled. I am very fortunate to have such an amazing tribe. Stay appreciative and stay witchy ( *)

People as Vehicles to Self Discovery

The Three of Cups

In Tarot, this card is interpreted in two different ways.

Upright suggests creativity, community, friendship and celebration.

Reverse suggests an affair, “threes a crowd,” or stifled creativity.

This brings me to today’s topic: Peoples’ purpose in your life.

 

We all have people in our lives that we accept, cherish and love. And on the flip side, we all have people that we (for lack of a better saying) can’t stand.

Be it someone who is at your work, someone who is an acquaintance, an ex-lover or ex-friend, or even a “frenemy,” they exist. No one will like everyone, and not everyone will like you. Its a damn fact of life.

However, everyone serves a purpose.

I had a terrible breakup a couple of years ago, and I took a lot of time hating that person. Like REALLY hating him. I spent a lot of excess energy on dissecting his inner workings and just plain despising his existence. And while I needed this time to get to where I am now, where the journey has brought me is gratitude.

Had it not been for this relationship, I would have stayed in a place of co-dependency and a lack of self acceptance. I had gotten over self hate, but I was more in a self-limbo. While it is very true that with my pattern of behavior I probably would have gotten myself into another situation bringing me to this point, I feel that all of the factors during this time erupted into a beautiful volcano of steamy hot terrible lava that, in turn, calcified my purpose.

Yes, this man treated me in an undesirable way. But I accepted this behavior and harnessed that energy in a subconscious place. Once I realized this was not what I wanted, I made hard decisions, did the work, and broke through to the other side. This man was a vehicle to my self acceptance.

Friendship is much the same way. When I was younger, I had a friend who constantly put me down, was late to every meet up, and was very snide in her opinion of me. I wanted to hang out with her because I perceived her as glamorous, but the reality of her was quite the opposite. This was a person who didn’t respect my time, my individualism, or my entirety. People like this hold a mirror up to your face. Whether you realize it or not, this person shows you every insecurity and how you treat YOURSELF.

The truth is that I didn’t respect my time. I didn’t respect my individualism. I didn’t respect myself. And once I realized I didn’t like the way she was treating me, I was one step closer to truth.

In a very serendipitous way, I feel that the universe has a way of grouping us with our tribe. And if we open our eyes to who we are supposed to keep near and dear, then we are both doing our part.

For example, I bartend. I come into contact with people every day. And some are less desirable than others. However, energy has an input/ output effect. What you give out is what you will receive. And if you don’t believe this, I dare you to go and smile at a stranger and see their reaction. Its a pretty incredible thing.

Anywho, I was working one day, and I was in a pretty crap mood. But I had some regulars come in and they always seem to brighten my day. On this particular shift, they brought in a close friend of theirs, and we immediately clicked.

Let me take a moment to speak more to my emotional state at this time:

During this point I was really in the thick of hating my ex, but I was also heavily involved in bettering myself and healing. I realized I had a problem with codependency, fell in love with boundaries, and realized the qualities I needed in a friend. But in the same token, I was unhappy. I was lost. I felt unfulfilled and I didn’t know why. I didn’t understand the journey and was very impatient.

Ok back to this awesome chick.

We were speaking about singing after noticing how cool the playlist was at work. It was very soulful, with motown and doo-wop, and we bonded over our shared appreciation. One thing led to another and we made plans for an event.

Not knowing each other AT ALL and committing to an entire night out together is a pretty rare thing, but we both met in the middle and realized that we actually were good additions in each others lives. Fast forward 8 months later, and our purposes for each other are slowly unfolding.

This woman, in my eyes, is the pinnacle of creativity. She is a singer, performer, creator, and just all around beautiful person. She does arts and crafts on her days off. She always aspires for better. And I was immediately drawn to that, even though I didn’t know it.

Her purpose for me, right now, is shining a light on what I was missing. I grew up a crazy creative child, but through a mess of experiences, I lost a lot of practice in this arena. But after meeting my friend, and a few others like her, a spotlight shown on the empty place in my heart. Because I was ready for it.

Every time me and my friend meet up, we would talk about what we want to do with our lives and what kind of projects we were working on. And now I have a contribution. I tapped into my missing piece. Her existence in my world has brought attention to what I needed so greatly. She has inspired me. And she is part of the reason this blog is a reality.

So now, little witches, I invite you to share in a mini project. Think of one person you love, and one person you don’t. And then, think of something positive they have brought to your life. No matter how big or small. Just think of one thing, and appreciate it. You will be surprised at the effect this small thing has on your overall outlook.

Stay tuned and stay witchy ( *)