Season 2, Episode 9 is live! Today’s interview is with Emily Heather, aka the Voluptuous Witch! In this episode we discuss Libra and Scorpio season, how to stay active in your community, and manifestation over different social classes.
Listen up and stay witchy ( *)
Tune in below and on iTunes, and be sure to subscribe and leave a rating!!! ( *)
Kristen Johnston was recently on my favorite podcast (you guessed it, What’s the Tee?) and she mentioned an article by Nancy Colier. In this article, titled “Letting Go of Toxic People: When Staying in it is Not More Spiritual,” she details the immense pressure we put on ourselves to be open and forgiving to those that have wronged us, for fear that we have not achieved a heightened sense of spirituality.
When it comes to certain trauma, like abuse, we are taught that forgiveness will set us free. And when we still have emotional responses to triggers or actually seeing our abuser, it’s possible to feel that we actually haven’t forgiven at all.
However, these emotional responses are a product of our reptilian brain, the oldest and most basic part of our brain that is only focused on survival. While you can decide on forgiveness in your prefrontal cortex, your reptilian brain may not follow suit. And that is ok. In fact, the forgiveness we practice should be turned towards ourselves. Rather than pushing the limits of our instinct to be “higher” and more “elevated,” we should accept ourselves for what just is.
If you have experienced this kind of immeasurable betrayal, as pictured in the Ten of Swords, forgiveness is not something that just happens because you decide so. There is a natural ebb and flow to healing, and while self exploration will help move things along faster, you cannot cut corners on healing from trauma. This is because new questions arise every day, concerning what you did to deserve this kind of treatment. And the answer is nothing. The answer is forgiving yourself for every feeling and honoring your emotions. THAT is where the spirituality lies.
As the Five of Cups suggests, it is time to move on and forgive. But the only person you owe that to is yourself. And in time, once you’ve accepted your space and have healed properly, you may forgive your abuser. But, as the article above stresses, you don’t need to push yourself in that direction. Your fight/ flight/ flee responses will always try to protect you, and they don’t need to be shamed. Suffering through these responses by being around your abuser, just to prove you’ve forgiven them, is not helping anyone.
So, forgive from afar. Protect yourself and honor yourself first. You don’t owe anyone contact if it doesn’t serve you. Remember that, and stay witchy ( *)
I have not written in a few days because I am physically sick with a cold. But most of all, I am emotionally sick with the results of the election.
I was advised by many that in the pursuit of starting a business you should keep your political beliefs quiet, but this is much deeper than that. This isn’t politics. This is humanism.
As a sexual assault survivor, a woman, and an American, I feel defeated and ignored by the majority of American people. It has been shown to me that regardless of if you are a man who is a sexual predator, a man who is a rampant racist, a man who bullies women, a man who ignites fear in ignorant people, a man who rallies against our LGBTQ brethren, a man who wants to ban immigrants, or a man who has no real skill set or basis in reality, you can still be President because, hey, you aren’t a woman.
I was told by the American people that you could “grab em by the pussy” and still be President.
I was told THAT was who our little boys growing up we’re going to see in the highest position of power.
When Brock Turner was given an insultingly light sentence for his raping an unconscious girl, I was sure by the disgust of my fellow Americans that that was not how the majority viewed women’s rights. I WAS SURE we all stood in solidarity for justice of the victim and victims like her.
But I was wrong.
The work I do here and the majority of my writing comes from the strength that women have within. The strength that we repeatedly need to be reminded is there. That is why we so often deal with codependency, eating disorders, anxiety, drug addiction, etc. I strive to help women realize their worth in this fucked up world because the majority of people in it think we are second class citizens, and then we start believing it ourselves.
The society we live in has helped to keep us in a bubble where we don’t know the actual lines between healthy relationships and codependent ones. The effects of over-sexualizing women on our bodies and behaviors. The deep need for love and recognition because our society doesn’t see us as deserving. The notion that we still don’t have equal pay for equal work.
Regardless of your political beliefs, and yes I know a lot of you are shaking your head at this, saying Hillary is crooked and unfit to be President, I need you to really look closely at the people you love. Really and honestly take a good look at your daughters, wives, friends, colleagues, all that may be people of color or LGBTQ. Look at all of them and then realize that when you cast a vote for Trump, you made the decision that it was better to have a man in power that spewed hate in the direction of all of these people and even physically assaulted them, then to have a woman in power who deleted some emails. Sure you may not agree with her policies, but you disagree with them SO MUCH that you would rather have a man who degrades your loved ones and your neighbors govern your country.
And to all of the WOMEN who cast a vote for Trump, I really have to just ask why? What makes this man so appealing to you? The fact that he touched women without their consent is something you can just gloss over? That it’s a non-issue to you in what it means to be President?
We have had bad Presidents before. Most of us remember the idiot-puppet Bush Jr. But we have never had a President that stood for hate. We have never had a figure head symbolize something so staunchly disgusting before. The KKK is holding a parade for his victory. Let that sink in.
Women, witches, sisters, I know that many of you are as upset as I am, but this is not the reason to throw in the towel. Quite the contrary. This is when we, more than ever, have to join our covens and get strong. Stronger than we ever have been. This is a fight we will keep on fighting because we are valuable and deserving and no ignorant mindset will ever take that away from us. Stay strong, love hard, and stay witchy ( *)
If you haven’t read the Feminine Mystique, buy it here and read it. It’s a huge eye opener to the oppression of women in America.
If you can’t open the link (or just don’t want to) here is the short synopsis:
A woman was groped on a high traffic block in New York City’s East Village, and when she turned to confront her attacker, she was mercilessly beat before the attacker fled.
I hope I don’t need to express WHY this is so horribly disgusting.
A similar situation happened to me not too long ago, and, as a writer, I penned a short statement in my notes as I was shaking on the train on the way to work. Here is what I wrote:
This morning I was sexually assaulted in broad daylight.
A man came swiftly behind me and stuck his hand up my skirt. Without hesitation, I took my phone that was in my hand, encased in the largest case in America, and smacked him across the face.
He said “sorry” and ran away before I could grab him by the collar and take him to any policeman I could find. And while he got a nano-second thrill, I was left shaking and afraid.
I am still so shaken up by this event that I can’t think straight. I’m angry, I’m scared, I’m scarred, I’m hurt. But most of all I’m disappointed.
This shit HAS TO STOP. Every day I see men demoralizing women and it is not ok. WE ARE HUMANS. WE ARE EQUALS.
WE ARE NOT OBJECTS.
Now, my reaction to swing was a gut instinct. I feel that I need to protect myself by any means necessary, and I swing when I feel threatened. It was not thought of, nor do I condone violence, but it was merely a fight or flight mechanism. I fought. However, afterwards I couldn’t move because I was shaking so badly.
When this woman turned in a righteous action to defend her womanhood, she was beat down by a sick bastard who defended his right to treat her like a piece of meat. This is the type of shit that makes women feel helpless and afraid.
Now unfortunately I am no stranger to sexual abuse. This is an all too familiar occurrence for me and many women I know. I have worked through a lot of my emotional issues regarding these problems, but when things like this keep happening to women, it’s hard not to feel afraid and harvest some aggression towards men.
When I was sexually assaulted on the street, it took me down to my lowest level. Every piece of confidence was stripped from me and I felt naked and exposed. Anyone that sees me on a daily basis knows that that is NOT my personality. I am big, bold, and brassy on any given day. But when someone is treated as an object, its almost impossible not to feel objectified.
I hate that my attacker had that power over me. And this is why I immediately talked it through and wrote about it. Because I needed to take myself back.
People. We just made history. For the first time, a woman has been nominated the presidential candidate for a major party. It took far too long, in my opinion, but at least its damn progress. And we still have such a long way to go in the way we treat women. Men are congratulated for their sexual escapades, while women are treated like sluts. Men are forgiven for their taking advantage of women, and women are blamed for enticing men. Men are allowed to wear whatever they want, and women are either scrutinized for not being sexy enough, or for dressing to provocatively.
Men and women alike need to work together to end this abuse. Women, we need to band together to fight back, stop something when we see it, raise our boys right, and fight for respect whenever we can. Men, you need to remember that your mothers, your sisters, and your daughters are women. Would you ever treat them as an object, or subhuman?
As an avid feminist, I could go on forever on this topic. Instead, I’m going to invite you to do something to start making a difference in sexual abuse towards women.
Well, if you feel compelled to do something, ANYTHING, in the hopes of gaining justice for this woman, and every woman out there, you can sign this petition from Change.org to remove Judge Aaron Persky from the bench for his clear leniency towards white male privilege and against women’s rights.
EVERY SINGLE DAY women are sexually abused and assaulted. We are treated less than. We are snubbed by our male counterparts when we don’t use our sexuality to get ahead. We are judged when we do. We are called bitches when we are strong. We are called bitches when we get stuff done (thank you Tina Fey). We are called bitches when we turn down sexual advances. This is a battle that we seemingly cannot win. But, in fact, we absolutely can. It starts with us, and again EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Lets make a promise to ourselves and to others right now that we will do everything in our power, no matter how small or how big, to end discrimination towards women. Stay strong. Stay feminists. Stay bitchy. And stay witchy. ( *)