From Folklore to Reality: How Do We Use Intuition in Everyday Life?

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The High Priestess shows her dominion over pure intuition. As we read in fairy tales and folklore, we see old witches guide young princesses with their all knowing and all feminine counsel.

We are told through stories that all women have this power of intuition. That if we just tap into our sixth sense we can see through danger and navigate in a wise and wondrous way. But with all of the noise and a collection of “truths” throughout our lives, what does this look like in a modern day reality?

Now I know not everyone reading this blog is going to light incense and candles and meditate to clear their head (although I highly recommend it) but doing some soul searching and practicing self help is going to get you started on that path. Stripping away all of the collected nonsense to get you back to your authentic self will help in your journey to being intuitive. Listening to your gut is a very important guide; your body knows more than you do.

So, metaphorically, when you’re faced with evil stepsisters or a tyrannical king, you could be actually up against a group of mean girls or a sour employer. In these situations, you don’t let their truth change yours. You live forward and authentically, and that little light called intuition will help to steer you on the right path, Don’t be afraid to listen to her. Stay witchy ( *)

Making Up Stories

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The Moon tells us about our fears, anxieties and illusions. They work from the inside. And when we project them, we can alter our reality.

In order to make sense of what is going on in the world around us, our minds will create wild fairy tales to help us feel like we can get every side of the story. We start assuming what we don’t know as a half-assed attempt to control what is uncertain. This is dangerous for a lot of reasons, but at it’s core, it is dangerous because it is almost always negative.

Approaching the unknown with a positive mindset is scary to us, because we don’t want to set ourselves up for failure. We were always told “Don’t get your hopes up,” so now we sabotage our thinking process into making everyone around us malicious. We are trying to protect ourselves and keep ourselves one step ahead of hurt, understandably. It is easy for us to tell a friend that they shouldn’t think that way, but we can very rarely do that for ourselves.

So when do we make up stories? What exactly does that look like? Well, for example, if someone you’re dating doesn’t text you back right away, it can look like this:

“Ok I must have done something wrong. He’s over it. He met someone else. I should have known that it wasn’t going to work out. Etc Etc Etc”

See that spiral? It happened so quickly!

This is a defense mechanism. Faith and the unknown are terrifying, and coming from a past pain may leave you assuming the worst. But the problem here is you aren’t actually protecting yourself. You’re sabotaging yourself.

I work a lot with energy here, and energy is input/output. If you put in negative, you will receive negative. And while it is a vulnerable spot to sit in positivity and expect nothing but great things, you can also prepare yourself to bounce back from the negative (if it happens) with all of the inner work you continue to do. Don’t let your fairy tales rule you. Don’t let make-believe monsters manifest in reality. Live in a positive light, and stay witchy ( *)

Don’t Cut off Your Nose To Spite Your Face

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The Five of Swords is a card of victory through betrayal, or a sore defeat, depending on who you identify with in the reading. Unfortunately though, with this card, there is no real winner. Either you isolate yourself with a dirty triumph, or you lost after sticking to a battle that wasn’t yours to fight.

Pride pays an important role with this card. Either being too proud to acknowledge other’s feelings to win at all costs, or too proud to accept that you need to play by different rules in order to survive.

This is something I struggle with now more than ever before. When is your loyalty to your values and your belief in standing up for yourself, your conviction, getting in your own way? When is it time to bow your head, play the game, and accept defeat?

I think it is all situational. If you are in a bad position, lets take at work for example, and you have the means to leave, then you need to start looking for other employment and move out of what makes you miserable. Yes, every job has its pros and cons, but if you are feeling your soul getting sucked out of you the minute you walk through the doors, it is a huge sign to take action and change.

See, I don’t think that that is losing. I think taking yourself out of a place of misery is victory, and when done gracefully, you can walk over an un-burned bridge to a happier life. I think the saddest defeat, in all actuality, is bowing down and letting people walk all over you because you are afraid of change.

Ultimately, we need to pick our battles. But if you are continuously depressed at the thought of going somewhere you spend most of your time, after exhausting all of your resources to make it better, it’s time to get out of dodge. Employment is not always easy to find, but it is imperative that you are at least content doing what you need to do to survive.

Being proactive is the best way to win a clean battle. Don’t leave anyone behind by winning with malintent. And don’t be a sore loser either, by letting your pride get in the way and putting yourself in a bad situation. If what you are fighting for is really worth it, there is a way to go about it that you can be proud of. If it isn’t suck it up and make good with others. Be respectful, stand up for what you believe in, and stay witchy ( *)

 

Building A Case Without A Crime

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The Nine of Wands reversed denotes paranoia; a point at which you are using your own boundaries against yourself to create a cage. Instead of letting yourself experience and blossom, you are finding it hard to trust others because of your past experiences.

When you are hurt and you look back on the situation, whatever it may be, you’ll cherry pick the red flags and start to beat yourself up for having not noticed them before. Looking in retrospect, it’s totally obvious that this given scenario would blow up in your face.

Let’s take my last relationship, for example. This was a guy who never followed through on anything that he promised, always borrowed money from me, mooched off of me, disappeared in the bathroom for hours at a time, and couldn’t make it to important outings because he was too “sick.”

Looking back on that relationship, knowing what I know now, it’s super easy to see the patterns of a heroin addict. But as someone who was in love, and a person who was codependent, it took a lot longer to get out than I’d like to admit. And without shaming myself, there were actually many good times that I enjoyed. It was far from all bad, because if it was, it wouldn’t have gone on for so long and hurt so much. When we’re trying to prove a point to ourselves we forget the big picture. But I digress.

So in taking my experience and using the tools I gained through the work I’ve done internally, I can rectify some of my past behaviors within a new relationship. However, there is this sneaky little monster in the back of my head that wants to collect nuggets of evidence that stack up in my ex’s case to use against someone new. Not only is that wildly unfair, but it’s self sabotaging.

It is easy for me to sit back and create a world in which every guy that I date is no good because he did something like my ex did years ago. But that has no basis in reality. What that is doing is isolating myself from ever getting to feel true vulnerability and happiness. While I would love to sit here and say that I’ll never be a sucker again because I can predict the future, I can’t. You are innocent until proven guilty. The only difference is, I have many resources and a solid team to help me decide when something isn’t working for me anymore. I can show up fully and honestly, but when crossed, I can also leave respectfully and swiftly.

Giving someone new a chance after being badly burned is scary. But staying locked in a lonely bubble because you want to protect yourself is even scarier. Allow yourself the chance at love and happiness and stay witchy ( *)

When is Passing Judgement Conducive to Your Life?

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No one likes to be labeled as judgmental. In fact, in a world of shaming and prejudice, it is an extremely frowned upon characteristic to hold.

But…

We need to utilize judgement in our daily practice in order to keep our covens strong and weed out the bad magic in our lives.

For example, when I see someone who is surrounded by drug use, I become hyper aware. Knowing what it is like to be an active addict from the inside out helps me to understand the degree of manipulation and the lack of control that goes hand in hand with this practice. It automatically casts a shadow of distrust and skepticism in my eyes. Am I assuming the worst? No. Do I proceed with caution? Absolutely.

See, I think the term judgement that we throw around embodies more of a hater ideology. It doesn’t come from a place of thinking that I’m better than someone for what they choose to do with their body, but I am using judgement as a tool to discern whether or not I want to keep this person close to me.

As a person with core values, I like to keep my coven tight knit with people who cherish similar morals and respect boundaries. It makes me uncomfortable to see people who do not have boundaries, and so I choose to keep them at an arms distance.

There is this awesome coach, Randi Buckley, who uses a garden as a metaphor for boundaries. She describes it as having many different concentric circles, and certain people are only allowed to a particular layer before their boundary is set in front of them. You wouldn’t have the same boundaries with a stranger on the street as you would with your mother, so there are different layers within your garden for different people who come into your life. I feel that this is an awesome way to illustrate the idea of boundaries in your mind, because you aren’t looking to shut everyone out, you’re looking to protect the beautiful bush of red roses at the core of the garden.

But in order to understand which layer people belong in, we have to use judgement. We have to be able to see what people can bring to nourish the soil in order to allow them a certain distance into the garden. If all they are doing is tromping on the flowers, we put up a fence. And judgement is a good tool to use to distinguish the weeds from the gardeners.

So when you use judgement, don’t let it consume you and turn into hate. That isn’t the point of the tool. Use it to protect yourself and create healthy relationships. You will be stronger for it. Protect your garden and stay witchy ( *)

Why “Nurturing” is Not Synonymous with “Codependent”

Remember when I wrote about dichotomous thinking? Well this is a perfect example.

Upright, the Empress is the pinnacle of femininity, mothering, abundance, and giving. Reversed she is codependent and blocked creatively.

They are two sides of the same card, but that does not mean there isn’t  happy medium.

When I started to heal from my codependent habits, I thought that these two words were synonymous. And that was a huge problem for me, because I am a nurturer. This left me feeling highly confused. How do I foster my nurturing demeanor without losing myself in codependency.

Well, did you guess it?

It’s obviously boundaries.

You can be a caring person who wants to cultivate relationships WITHOUT losing yourself. For example, when I was with my infamous ex, I lent him so much money (aside from what he stole from me) that I couldn’t care for myself. This wasn’t helping out a trusted friend in a time of need with money I had to spare. This was giving out more than I could afford from fear of losing him.

See the difference?

I cannot stress this enough: TAKE CARE OF NUMBER ONE. You are the most important person in your life and you are the only one responsible for you. That doesn’t mean you can’t care for a significant other when they are sick by bringing them chicken soup and holding their head, but it does mean you can’t miss a ton of work to dote on them when you already can’t afford your rent.

I know that my examples are always pretty extreme, but bare with me here. This could be the path you are going down if someone’s well being means more than your own. This is an age of independence and mutual love. Two people walking down separate paths that merge together for an equally enjoyable partnership. Not one person jumping on the others and taking over to the point that their original path has disappeared. Control and codependency are pretty synced up here, and you have no business routing another persons journey, especially when it’s to dodge your own.

Being a nurturer is an amazing feminine quality. Celebrating femininity and what makes us differently special is an important and notable idea. Just remember, that you are the most important person that needs caring for. This is why, in airplane safety speeches, they say to fasten your mask first before helping another. You’re no good to anyone when you’re unconscious. Nurture yourself first, before you can nurture others. Stay caring, and stay witchy ( *)

Sexual Harassment

Yesterday a friend shared this link with me:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3713155/NYC-groper-knocks-woman-ground-repeatedly-punches-confronted-grabbing-buttocks.html?ITO=applenews

If you can’t open the link (or just don’t want to) here is the short synopsis:

A woman was groped on a high traffic block in New York City’s East Village, and when she turned to confront her attacker, she was mercilessly beat before the attacker fled.

I hope I don’t need to express WHY this is so horribly disgusting.

A similar situation happened to me not too long ago, and, as a writer, I penned a short statement in my notes as I was shaking on the train on the way to work. Here is what I wrote:

EVERY SINGLE DAY women are sexually abused and assaulted. We are treated less than. We are snubbed by our male counterparts when we don’t use our sexuality to get ahead. We are judged when we do. We are called bitches when we are strong. We are called bitches when we get stuff done (thank you Tina Fey). We are called bitches when we turn down sexual advances. This is a battle that we seemingly cannot win. But, in fact, we absolutely can. It starts with us, and again EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Lets make a promise to ourselves and to others right now that we will do everything in our power, no matter how small or how big, to end discrimination towards women. Stay strong. Stay feminists. Stay bitchy. And stay witchy. ( *)

Your kick ass life

Good afternoon little witches!

Today I want to talk about a podcast that is very near and dear to my heart. After a life changing relationship, I went to therapy and practiced yoga very regularly in order to heal myself. When I came to a point that I no longer felt therapy was necessary, I stumbled upon this podcast that has kept me doing the work and staying conscious about my emotional states.

Andrea Owen is a Southern Californian life coach and has incredible guests on her podcast. She’s big on women and self love and her guests give amazing advice and have such interesting stories.

When I’m on the train or go for a jog I turn on this podcast and it literally gets my fist pumping with agreement to all of the practices they preach. I HIGHLY urge you guys to check it out, especially if you feel as though you’re in a rut.

She has over 100 posts with a range of topics, has some solo shows and most of her guests have amazing credentials.

You can find her at the your kick ass life podcast and I highly recommend that you do!