No one likes to be labeled as judgmental. In fact, in a world of shaming and prejudice, it is an extremely frowned upon characteristic to hold.
We need to utilize judgement in our daily practice in order to keep our covens strong and weed out the bad magic in our lives.
For example, when I see someone who is surrounded by drug use, I become hyper aware. Knowing what it is like to be an active addict from the inside out helps me to understand the degree of manipulation and the lack of control that goes hand in hand with this practice. It automatically casts a shadow of distrust and skepticism in my eyes. Am I assuming the worst? No. Do I proceed with caution? Absolutely.
See, I think the term judgement that we throw around embodies more of a hater ideology. It doesn’t come from a place of thinking that I’m better than someone for what they choose to do with their body, but I am using judgement as a tool to discern whether or not I want to keep this person close to me.
As a person with core values, I like to keep my coven tight knit with people who cherish similar morals and respect boundaries. It makes me uncomfortable to see people who do not have boundaries, and so I choose to keep them at an arms distance.
There is this awesome coach, Randi Buckley, who uses a garden as a metaphor for boundaries. She describes it as having many different concentric circles, and certain people are only allowed to a particular layer before their boundary is set in front of them. You wouldn’t have the same boundaries with a stranger on the street as you would with your mother, so there are different layers within your garden for different people who come into your life. I feel that this is an awesome way to illustrate the idea of boundaries in your mind, because you aren’t looking to shut everyone out, you’re looking to protect the beautiful bush of red roses at the core of the garden.
But in order to understand which layer people belong in, we have to use judgement. We have to be able to see what people can bring to nourish the soil in order to allow them a certain distance into the garden. If all they are doing is tromping on the flowers, we put up a fence. And judgement is a good tool to use to distinguish the weeds from the gardeners.
So when you use judgement, don’t let it consume you and turn into hate. That isn’t the point of the tool. Use it to protect yourself and create healthy relationships. You will be stronger for it. Protect your garden and stay witchy ( *)
The frame around this particular card symbolizes the cyclical progression of the human experience. Being that the card in its entirety depicts the world, we are brought to a very important topic in my life: places and their effect (or rather your effect) on the psyche.
Your world is your perception. You perceive what you’re unknowingly looking for. And places will reflect this phenomenon.
In Los Angeles I was miserable. Not because of any particular event (although there were many) but because I was just a miserable person. I lived in misery and it was comfortable there. Until it wasn’t.
After drug addiction, eating disorders, DUI’s and car accidents, I decided to play the blame game and put all of the responsibility on LA. Because it was LA’s fault, I could avoid accountability. And avoid I did. 3000 miles away.
I remember thinking on the plane coming here to move for good that this was it for me. This it where it all changes. This is where I would have some real luck. Because I defined New York as the place I was going to make it and succeed, I did just that. But it was UGLY.
New York held a mirror up to my face in the harshest way and forced me to take a real hard look.
Moving to New York was the absolute kick in the ass that I needed because it forced me to face my demons. Surviving on your own will do that to you. But because I was determined to make New York work for me, and because I knew I couldn’t quit and go anywhere else (or God forbid back home) I rode the wave and got through it. I romanticized New York so much that it in turn became my healer.
You see, because I was looking for misery in LA, I found it at every turn. Rather than eating healthy and loving my body, I found drugs and bulimia to keep me skinny. Rather than cultivating real intimate relationships, I over-drank at bars and parties and endangered myself while sleeping around. And who wouldn’t love all of the miserable repercussions of those self-sabotaging actions?
In New York, I projected the want for change. I asked the sidewalks for it. I looked at the city lights and begged for an answer. And in the universes’ way of testing your will, I sure as hell found it.
I like to think that now, if I went back to live in Los Angeles, I would have a completely different experience. I would attract different men and different job opportunities than the ones that I had. Not that all those that I attracted in LA were bad, but my energy now is completely different than the sad girl’s you all knew and loved. My perception has shifted.
I call it the Orange Car Effect. You usually never think about orange cars, but once you see one, you start noticing them everywhere. If you think everyone in LA is “so fake,” that’s all you’ll run into. If you think LA is bad luck and terrible, well guess what, the universe will deliver that to your doorstep.
LA and I broke up a while ago, and we’ll never be a perfect match. But even though I’m with New York now, I can look back on my relationship with LA and appreciate it for what it was. Because life is what you make of it, and accountability is key. Stay witchy wherever you are. ( *)