What is a “Calling” and Do I Have One?

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The Fool symbolizes the beginning of a journey. A bright, shiny-eyed fellow who is setting forth on a path that is completely and utterly new. One with purpose and one full of lessons to be learned. He is all of us.

If you’re a young, ambitious individual, it’s not surprising that you might have been faced with the question “What is my life purpose?” The insurmountable pressure of having one thing you were set on earth to do. What it’s all for.

Nietzsche has a quote: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” And I think that surmises what we are all looking for. A reason to muscle through the cold, lonely days of our journey. Not to be mistaken for love, because we know that is not a completion of our circle, but rather the addition of one in the form of a bond. No, this is a personal “why.” This is what we dream of when we are little girls and little boys. This is the “why” that made Mother Teresa run homes for the diseased. This is the “why” that made Jonas Salk invent the Polio vaccine. “Why” Elie Wiesel took his horrific experiences in Auschwitz and turned them into inspiring stories and a Nobel Peace Prize.

Now not everyone can run to Uganda and cure Zika. Although if we all sought out to cure diseases that would be pretty kick ass. We can’t all write Grammy winning albums or star in Oscar winning roles. We can’t all write best sellers and we can’t all win the Fields Medal. But everyday we have choices to make, and making the right ones are indicative of our purpose.

See, I think that if we all strive to make conscious decisions that feel right and true within our sphere of authenticity, our purpose will be handed to us on a silver platter. In fact, I think that is the purpose in it of itself. Instead of having one solid concrete thing that we must stick to for the rest of our lives, which seems to be more of a shackle than a path to greatness, at every turn we are given an opportunity to think with conviction and at that time our purpose is highlighted. Our purpose morphs and bends to the person we are at that very moment, and if self respect and self love are things that you practice regularly, that authentic light will shine through. That purpose, that pattern, that character, that will be the guide in your journey. That will be your “why.” It’s what is inside you.

When I got the help I needed and put into practice all of the tools that I gained from my support, I slowly started to make conscious decisions that benefited me and felt right and true to my core. No longer did I have a gaping hole of panic in me. I was sticking up for myself. And through the trail of conviction, though not always perfect, I started to find seeds of what was hidden beneath the wreckage. I listened to myself and felt called to start writing. And although I don’t put the pressure on myself to say that this is it for me forever, right now it feels true. And that’s what the journey is all about.

So if you’re getting down on yourself for not having it all figured out, well let me tell you something: No one does. Not even Oprah.

But what people like her do that is so inspirational is that they seize every opportunity authentically. That’s the calling. And if we all have the capacity to be authentic, we all have a life purpose. Live true to yours and stay witchy ( *)

 

Willpower and Self Trust

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It is my personal belief that willpower, or the Chariot, cannot exist without self love or self trust.

Here’s a thought: If you and a friend are going to a party, and said friend is going to be the designated driver, and said friend promises to only have one drink for the entire length of the party, would you feel at all comfortable taking that ride if you didn’t trust that promise?

So here it is imperative that trust exists in order to feel secure in the ride.

Now think of it this way: If you told yourself when you went to a party that you were going to only have one drink, and then you decided to get black-out drunk, you would stop trusting yourself, right?

Right.

When you initially don’t trust what you are saying as you make that promise to yourself, and you let the little gremlins step all over that promise, you’re showing that you have no conviction rooted in what you declared, even if it is subconscious. Without conviction there can be no willpower. And through transitive property, no willpower = no self love/ trust/ respect.

When you make a promise to yourself, you will stick to it out of self respect if it is present. You would do it for a friend, so why wouldn’t you do it for number one? Letting yourself lose control is a powerless feeling, and you want to get the reigns of the Chariot sturdy.

This is not to say that you should beat yourself up over the fact that willpower is hard for you. For some it is a practice, and some (like those in anonymous programs) have to give it up to God or whoever in order to just make it by. That in it of itself is showing self respect because you know the shit-show to come if you try to play with moderation.

This can be practiced in many different situations. Like when you know you only have twenty dollars until your next paycheck but your friends want to go out or go shopping, and out of total disregard for your financial situation, you pull out your credit card and shut your eyes to try to ignore the bad decision. You try to convince yourself that it’s fine and the whole while you’re literally dying of anxiety because of a decision YOU made to hurt YOU. You could have said no. But you chose anxiety.

I am no stranger to this. I had zero self respect so I kept putting myself in situations that made that abundantly clear. After 15 grand in credit card debt, a couple eating disorders, and a damaging relationship, its time to wake up and take responsibility for your role in your willpower. It isn’t easy but if you cut the shit and start taking responsibility for loving and respecting yourself, you’ll start to gain the trust back as a result.

At the end of the day its finding out where you are in your journey. No one is ever happy with the fact that they over indulged. It always allows you to panic. So diminish that feeling by practicing self love,  vis a vis, willpower. Get ahold of that Chariot, make good decisions, and stay witchy ( *)