Victimhood vs. Vulnerability

It is a very important distinction to make between an act that serves us versus an act that alienates us. One that I’d like to point out today is the difference between being vulnerable and being a victim.

If you’re feeling beaten down, as with the Ten of Swords, there is a clear cut choice to make here. You can sit with outward blame and project the betrayal on others, a lá victimhood, or you can choose to be vulnerable, take responsibility, and heal.

Well what does all of that mean?

Vulnerability takes Strength. No only does it takes courage to feel your emotions authentically, but to let someone in that you trust can be outright scary! But this is the exact reason why talk therapy, 12 step programs, and life coaching alike work; they all require a degree of vulnerability and sharing to release some of the inside pressure in order to move on. Being vulnerable means taking responsibility for your emotions and dealing with them in a constructive manner. Being vulnerable means loving yourself enough to let your feelings out before they bubble up to the surface.

On the flip-side, being a victim requires no bravery whatsoever. In fact, victimhood kind of embodies this melting figure into a bubbling pool of liquid for me. When you’re a “victim,” you’re accepting no personal responsibility for your feelings.

This is not to say that all victims have control over the reason for their grief or trauma. Not by a long shot. But EVERYONE has the power to heal. When something terrible happens to you, like an attack or a death or a fire, that is not your fault, and I am not insinuating that it is. However, your response to those occurrences are all under your control. You can grieve, pick yourself up from your boot straps, and move on through your life, or you can sit there and say woe is me and never get anything done.

And to be extremely frank, being around a victim is SO BORING. Sitting next to someone who can’t stop complaining about how awful their life is and how things keep happening TO them is such a yawn. It is a huge turnoff.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret…

You have complete control over your life. Facing a stream of setbacks with grace and vulnerability will only serve you in the long run. And projecting blame will only make your life seem terrible to you and everyone around you.

RuPaul said it best, “Life is hard if you do, and life is hard if you don’t.” Any which way you slice it, life is gunna throw things your way. But building character and creating a world in which you are the supreme ruler takes guts, moxie, and is all well worth it.

Get vulnerable, feel all your feelings, and stay witchy ( *)

How to be Wrong with Grace

 

Being wrong is just the worst, isn’t it?

The Five of Wands signifies conflict that is far from constructive. Everyone is shouting and no one is listening, so nothing gets accomplished. All the feelings are valid, but everyone is too self absorbed and focused on being “right.”

But what is the point of being right if nothing gets resolved? And what if, by some stroke of misfortune, you’re actually wrong for once?

Well it’s surely a hard pill to swallow, and as a struggling perfectionist, I never want to be wrong. But we are all human, and sometimes it just happens. Whether it be at work, at home, in a relationship, or with a friend, our human interactions leave a lot of room for hurt feelings. However, you can be wrong the right way.

If someone comes to you to address a problem they have with you, opening your ears and heart is the right way to receive the conversation. Reaching for combat to prove that you were right will get you nowhere; it almost always ends in a stalemate.

This is where you reach for Temperance. Balance, patience, and harmony will be your guide. You may not agree with everything the person is saying, and you have every right to stand up for yourself, but remember that being receptive to another persons feelings will get you much farther than shutting them down. Everyone wants to be heard, and an apology wouldn’t hurt either.

So next time conflict arises, don’t fuel the fire. Being right isn’t that important. Strong relationships and showing up as best you can means way more in the long run. Stay compassionate, and stay witchy ( *)