WednesdayWisdoms: Reigniting the Fire

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In order to find our Starchild again, we have to do some soul searching. My go-to is journaling, because it lays down all of my thoughts on paper and I am able to see clearly what my jumbled brain is trying to tell me.

For this week’s exercise, you’re going to journal about your young life:

  1. Write your biography from when your active memory starts to about grade school. Describe yourself and the stories you have from childhood.
  2. Then re-write it, keeping your self and your personality in tact, but changing the situations and relationships you wish you could.
  3. Take all of the situations that you wish could have been different, write them down on a separate piece of paper, and forgive them. Burn them. Let them go. They may have had a hand in shaping your belief system, but it is time to release them now. They do not serve you, nor do they control you.
  4. Do something this week that you would do when you were five. Go to a magic show, roll around on the grass, sing at the top of your lungs, whatever sets your young heart on fire.

 

Live young, live free, and stay witchy ( *)

Losing Your Starchild

I see this happen in women of every age. Myself, not so long ago, included. When we’ve lost what makes us happy, we become shells.

When you’re a child, you breeze through life with an extreme approach. Everything is pure whimsy, or complete destruction. Because you don’t know anything else.

And as we grow older, we start to collect ideas, values, and stories that shape our behavior. Rather than banging on a bunch of pots and pans in public, we don’t because we know it to be “rude.”

But sometimes, banging on pots and pans is necessary. If you love to sing, and don’t because you “can’t,” you’ll start to feel a growing emptiness inside. You’re punishing yourself for something you made up. And it’s literally as easy as turning on the Chicago soundtrack and belting out All That Jazz in your mirror (I did that last night ;))

I talked to a client yesterday and she said she doesn’t know what she loves anymore. She doesn’t know what flexes her creative muscles and sets her soul on fire. And while, yes, this is heartbreaking, I told her it didn’t have to stay this way. It’s just going to take some time to uncover her Starchild again and dust her off.  And let me tell you, it’s worth it.

If I never did the work to find my authentic, shiny little Starchild, I would have never started a blog, nor have created this company in which I help women. I would still be feeling empty, dating the wrong men, picking the wrong jobs, and blaming it all on my bad luck. And let me tell you, suppressing your authentic self in order to do what you “should” and not make any waves in order to keep people liking you is EXHAUSTING.

I needed the message of the Hermit reversed, which asks you to look deep inside and find your inner voice. To find the laughing little girl that has been silenced by years of conditioning. I needed to give her a megaphone.

I needed to let her sing like the 6 of Cups suggests, pointing to your inner child and asking you to express childlike joy. And I’ll make one thing clear: it is hard and scary and uncomfortable at first. It almost feels wrong, because for decades that is what you’ve been telling yourself. But, girl, once you find your rhythm, it is pure magick from there on out.

So if you’ve been feeling unfulfilled as of late, start thinking about your personality as a five year old. Were you loud and brazen? Shy and creative? A mixture of both? Think back to childhood, stay tuned for more on Wednesday, and stay witchy ( *)

Being Maternal Without Wanting Children

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Throughout my life, I have been very vocal about my not wanting children. I used to say things like “I’m too selfish to have a baby,” or “I hate children.” Neither of those things are (entirely) true, and I don’t need an excuse. I just don’t see my life including a child.

However, I innately have a need to care and nurture. All women do to some degree. And while I don’t see myself as fulfilling these needs with a baby, I take care of many aspects of my life with a maternal scope.

Not too long ago, I had a big problem with codependency. And while many of the parameters to this problem lay in many different emotional problems, a big part was a need to care for another more than I cared for myself. This is an extremely unhealthy practice, but it was basically my maternal needs exacerbated times a million. I think this is why, statistically, women more than men struggle with codependency.

Once I got through and saw what my actions were doing to myself and my relationships, my needs became more clear and I now take care of them in a healthy way. For example, my cat, who I got towards the end of my relationship, fulfills a maternal instinct. Giving my sister advice fulfills some nurturing. Caring for my friends and listening to their problems fulfills some caring. The only difference is that I set boundaries to make sure I don’t get swept away in a codependent flurry again. My friends and my sister are not my children, and I should not treat them as such. I take care of myself first.

While it is true that mothers will and should put their children before their own needs, that is not the reason why I don’t want children. That doesn’t scare me. I just plain don’t want them. I fulfill my needs in healthy ways that make me happy, and that’s all I need. Stay fulfilled and stay witchy ( *)