In order to find our Starchild again, we have to do some soul searching. My go-to is journaling, because it lays down all of my thoughts on paper and I am able to see clearly what my jumbled brain is trying to tell me.
For this week’s exercise, you’re going to journal about your young life:
Write your biography from when your active memory starts to about grade school. Describe yourself and the stories you have from childhood.
Then re-write it, keeping your self and your personality in tact, but changing the situations and relationships you wish you could.
Take all of the situations that you wish could have been different, write them down on a separate piece of paper, and forgive them. Burn them. Let them go. They may have had a hand in shaping your belief system, but it is time to release them now. They do not serve you, nor do they control you.
Do something this week that you would do when you were five. Go to a magic show, roll around on the grass, sing at the top of your lungs, whatever sets your young heart on fire.
I see this happen in women of every age. Myself, not so long ago, included. When we’ve lost what makes us happy, we become shells.
When you’re a child, you breeze through life with an extreme approach. Everything is pure whimsy, or complete destruction. Because you don’t know anything else.
And as we grow older, we start to collect ideas, values, and stories that shape our behavior. Rather than banging on a bunch of pots and pans in public, we don’t because we know it to be “rude.”
But sometimes, banging on pots and pans is necessary. If you love to sing, and don’t because you “can’t,” you’ll start to feel a growing emptiness inside. You’re punishing yourself for something you made up. And it’s literally as easy as turning on the Chicago soundtrack and belting out All That Jazz in your mirror (I did that last night ;))
I talked to a client yesterday and she said she doesn’t know what she loves anymore. She doesn’t know what flexes her creative muscles and sets her soul on fire. And while, yes, this is heartbreaking, I told her it didn’t have to stay this way. It’s just going to take some time to uncover her Starchild again and dust her off. And let me tell you, it’s worth it.
If I never did the work to find my authentic, shiny little Starchild, I would have never started a blog, nor have created this company in which I help women. I would still be feeling empty, dating the wrong men, picking the wrong jobs, and blaming it all on my bad luck. And let me tell you, suppressing your authentic self in order to do what you “should” and not make any waves in order to keep people liking you is EXHAUSTING.
I needed the message of the Hermit reversed, which asks you to look deep inside and find your inner voice. To find the laughing little girl that has been silenced by years of conditioning. I needed to give her a megaphone.
I needed to let her sing like the 6 of Cups suggests, pointing to your inner child and asking you to express childlike joy. And I’ll make one thing clear: it is hard and scary and uncomfortable at first. It almost feels wrong, because for decades that is what you’ve been telling yourself. But, girl, once you find your rhythm, it is pure magick from there on out.
So if you’ve been feeling unfulfilled as of late, start thinking about your personality as a five year old. Were you loud and brazen? Shy and creative? A mixture of both? Think back to childhood, stay tuned for more on Wednesday, and stay witchy ( *)
If you’ve been hurt before, it’s definitely a struggle to get back on the horse. You’re going to carry some baggage, and hopefully you’ve learned some things along the way that make you a little less naive.
After a toxic relationship, it is super easy to hate the other person, talk badly about them, and at the same time, beat yourself up for trusting them. I mean, it had to be someone’s fault, right?
But I think it is important to remember that, at the time, there was something there that you loved or admired about the other person. There were actually good times amongst the shit, and though the shit prevailed, you have to look at the relationship in its entirety.
When you begin again and take a leap of faith with someone new, it is also easy to fall into a compare mode. This isn’t fair, because this is a whole new person with a whole new set of inner workings, but what else do you have to base your knowledge off of so you don’t make the same mistake twice? You need a blueprint before you can build a house.
What I’ve been trying to do, as of late, is look for the positives and negatives in my approach. That is all we are responsible for and all that we can control. And through my healing from codependency and my tireless work on myself, I can say that putting my feelings out there and being a supportive and nurturing partner is not something I can beat myself up for. It is part of my authentic being, but I should only use it where it is deserved and not at a detriment to myself. And boundaries will help to keep that light alive.
But by looking at myself, looking forward, and opening my heart again, I can free up all of this negative energy that was once used as a shield for my pain. I make an effort to empty out the bad jujus to make room for the good. I understand that my ex loved me the best he could at the time, because he was sick. And I the same for him. And there were good times. But that is the past, and that relationship served as a period for growth and nothing more.
Love is hard and scary. But for every nugget of fear and difficulty, there is a high of such amazing proportions that makes it all worth it. And while there is bountiful uncertainty in the future, there is always a way to forgive and be grateful for the past. Live authentically, love authentically, and stay witchy ( *)
The Fool symbolizes the beginning of a journey. A bright, shiny-eyed fellow who is setting forth on a path that is completely and utterly new. One with purpose and one full of lessons to be learned. He is all of us.
If you’re a young, ambitious individual, it’s not surprising that you might have been faced with the question “What is my life purpose?” The insurmountable pressure of having one thing you were set on earth to do. What it’s all for.
Nietzsche has a quote: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” And I think that surmises what we are all looking for. A reason to muscle through the cold, lonely days of our journey. Not to be mistaken for love, because we know that is not a completion of our circle, but rather the addition of one in the form of a bond. No, this is a personal “why.” This is what we dream of when we are little girls and little boys. This is the “why” that made Mother Teresa run homes for the diseased. This is the “why” that made Jonas Salk invent the Polio vaccine. “Why” Elie Wiesel took his horrific experiences in Auschwitz and turned them into inspiring stories and a Nobel Peace Prize.
Now not everyone can run to Uganda and cure Zika. Although if we all sought out to cure diseases that would be pretty kick ass. We can’t all write Grammy winning albums or star in Oscar winning roles. We can’t all write best sellers and we can’t all win the Fields Medal. But everyday we have choices to make, and making the right ones are indicative of our purpose.
See, I think that if we all strive to make conscious decisions that feel right and true within our sphere of authenticity, our purpose will be handed to us on a silver platter. In fact, I think that is the purpose in it of itself. Instead of having one solid concrete thing that we must stick to for the rest of our lives, which seems to be more of a shackle than a path to greatness, at every turn we are given an opportunity to think with conviction and at that time our purpose is highlighted. Our purpose morphs and bends to the person we are at that very moment, and if self respect and self love are things that you practice regularly, that authentic light will shine through. That purpose, that pattern, that character, that will be the guide in your journey. That will be your “why.” It’s what is inside you.
When I got the help I needed and put into practice all of the tools that I gained from my support, I slowly started to make conscious decisions that benefited me and felt right and true to my core. No longer did I have a gaping hole of panic in me. I was sticking up for myself. And through the trail of conviction, though not always perfect, I started to find seeds of what was hidden beneath the wreckage. I listened to myself and felt called to start writing. And although I don’t put the pressure on myself to say that this is it for me forever, right now it feels true. And that’s what the journey is all about.
So if you’re getting down on yourself for not having it all figured out, well let me tell you something: No one does. Not even Oprah.
But what people like her do that is so inspirational is that they seize every opportunity authentically. That’s the calling. And if we all have the capacity to be authentic, we all have a life purpose. Live true to yours and stay witchy ( *)
The one that walks into a room, statuesque and graceful. The one that catches everyone’s eye.
The one that you can’t help but want to imitate because she is everything you want to be.
The one that is an enigma. The one you dream of becoming.
Well I’ll tell you her secret:
She’s unapologetically authentic.
Oscar Wilde has this brilliant quote that goes, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” And it’s easier said than done. Honestly, it’s a pretty scary thing to live authentically. It’s a vulnerable place, and it takes confidence and faith in yourself. But man, that energy is magnetic and irresistible when you get there.
The real goal is to find inner peace with the person you are meant to be. Who is in your bones. Like the Lovers reversed suggest, you may be experiencing a disharmony within. This can be due to the loss of one’s genuine self; when you don’t know what makes you, you. It suggests looking at your inner belief systems and values to guide you.
We all have stories and experiences that comprise the makeup of our personality. Our life is filled with things we’ve glommed onto and made into our truth. And with this journey of self help, we are able to look back and unpack all of these beliefs, remove these little road blocks we’ve put in our way, and settle back into our true self.
Like, remember when you were a little kid and you did everything that made you happy without the fear of being accepted? When being accepted wasn’t even a concept in your world? That kind of authenticity and confidence is pure magic.
I’m not saying to strip away culturally accepted social norms and start lifting up your dresses to show your princess underwear (why do little girls always do that?) but I am saying that exploration and creativity is blocked by fears we have made up due to interactions in our life.
For example, I always had this belief that being wrong made you stupid. So I started to investigate this belief and realized it stemmed from a time I was too eager in a middle school class to answer a math question on the board. I got it wrong, the class got a kick out of it and I got ridiculed. So for the rest of my young life I carried around this belief and didn’t say a word unless I was 110% sure that I was right, for fear of being labeled an idiot. Sounds like its far-fetched, but those things that we make important to us at an early age develop into habits, and eventually, core beliefs.
So what we do in order to avoid being authentic (because, yes, scary) is we create a persona that we’re comfortable in that fills in these standards we’ve built over time. We become the fun-house mirror version of ourselves. We have engaged in the Chameleon Complex. We become quiet to avoid ridicule. We don’t dress the way we want because of what people may think. The scenarios are vast and full of detail.
So start stripping away all of that made up nonsense. Every time you encounter a belief that is hindering you, sit down with a piece of paper and try to trace back where that shit came from. It’ll help you to live your authentic life and be that girl with the magnetic energy. Get authentic, bare your bones and stay witchy ( *)
Welcome to the first post of Witchy Wisdoms! A writing project full of little wise nuggets of witchy goodness. In the spirit of tapping into my creative forces and holding myself accountable, I’ve decided to do a daily challenge in the form of a blog where everything is at my disposal and nothing is off limits. Thank you for being a part of it!
Rather than starting the blog with a huge backstory, I’d prefer to have my story unfold organically, showing its many layers through different topics. In a short synopsis, however, I’m a native Angeleno who moved to New York City three and a half years ago. Following many experiences and hardships, I’ve learned to celebrate self discovery and integrate self help into my life in a huge way. After quitting an unsuccessful venture in real estate, I’ve decided to become certified as a life coach and this blog is aimed towards chronicling my journey to that goal.
I fully believe there is no better way to help and inspire people than maintaining positivity and living your authentic life. This blog serves as a vehicle to unwrap my truth, and if anyone who reads it can benefit, then I have already begun doing important work that I can be proud of. The most amazing thing to me is to see my friends grow and practice setting personal boundaries so that they can flourish while protecting the very factors that make them unique and beautiful. This blog will explore all of these avenues to spin a beautiful web of magic directed at self help.
So why witchy? What even is witchy? Good questions, all. Since this blog is a venture in personal truths, it is extremely vital for me to add my own flair and emphasize my personality. As a spiritual person who loves all things supernatural, and a person who owns a 95% black wardrobe, I decided that my brand was inevitably witchy. This isn’t a pagan blog, and no one is trying to push religion on anyone, but it is pertinent that my style shine through this writing project one thousand percent.
I hope you all enjoy my little ramblings and can benefit in any way, and I look forward to any feedback you feel compelled to give! Stay tuned and stay witchy ( *)