ThursdayThinks: Separating Fantasy from Reality (a Checklist)

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Going along with Monday’s theme of separating reality from your beliefs, I thought I’d create a checklist of questions to ask yourself when faced with such a dilemma. How do you know when you’re seeing things as they are, or merely dancing with the proverbial pink elephant?

It’s helpful to do a line of investigation when anxiety builds. Am I anxious because of the actual situation? Or because of a set of beliefs I’ve built AROUND the situation? Follow these questions the next time you’re faced with that unsavory anxiety and see if it doesn’t shed some light on your feelings around it. Let’s take going on a job interview, for example:

Ok, so you’re nervous about your big interview. So nervous that it might get in the way of success, which makes you MORE nervous! What do you do?

What does it mean if things don’t go exactly as I planned?

Have you put more pressure on this situation than necessary? Do you think it will define your character in any way if you don’t get the job? Are you worried about what your friends and family may think, rather than being focused on how you truly want to show up?

Are these beliefs ego serving in any way?

Does the word “failure” come up? Is it mostly negative-focused? Have your friends and family misjudged you before? Are you judging yourself for fear of landing outside of “perfect?”

Ideally, HOW do I want to show up?

Is it anxious and fidgety? Or calm, cool, and collected? Is it bubbly and confident? Or shy and quiet? What is the ultimate personality that needs to be displayed?

What is not serving me in this moment to perform my best and how do I let it go?

Are my previous beliefs creating an anxious environment? What affirmations can I say to cool me down? Do I have a second to meditate, or list off things I’m grateful for? Can I surrender the things that are simply out of my control?

Just performing a simple line of questioning can knock you back into reality. And if your anxiety is REALLY bad, you can always do some rounds of tapping to help open you up and put you back in a grounded state. At the end of the day, the negative self talk and damaging beliefs are merely a form of self sabotage. So how do you stop it? Well, YOU stop it!

You have complete and utter control over what your head says to you. Make it a safe haven. A sacred place. Stay calm, and stay witchy ( *)

 

 

 

Manifestation vs. The Need to Control

In my early manifestation days, I ran into a lot of blocks wondering where the object of my desire would come from. Where am I supposed to get this cash flow? Where will I meet my soul mate? Maybe if I do this, or play the lottery, or stay at this bar later, everything will work out because I’M making it happen.

Well, boo boo, I was certainly wrong.

When you try to co-create with the universe, control is like using Google maps to a destination you’ve been to before. It takes you totally out of the way, and if you just had a little faith, you’d get there a lot quicker.

The need for control is very common. It helps us feel like we’re DOING something. But you can actually take action without controlling an outcome. You can move forward, be determined in your goal, and let the universe do the rest. It’s called surrender. And when you just get the hell out of your own way, the magic starts to happen.

Surrender feels the most impossible when you feel out of control. As the Chariot reversed suggests, worrying about that which is out of your hands can only lead to blockages. It is time to let go and let God (or universe.) Because when you start questioning the universe, it says, “Forget it, you do it then,” and watches you struggle from a distance.

You know how everything, up until now, has worked out? You know the feeling of the Four of Wands? One of harmony and completion? Even if it was fleeting? That is the universe doing it’s work. Don’t fight it, and don’t try to work against it. I know things in life pop up constantly, and it gets frustrating and tiring, and we feel like if we don’t make moves we are utterly powerless, but it’s actually quite simple: just show up, do what you gotta do, and let the universe take care of the rest. Cutting in front of the universe and trying to one up it doesn’t hep you AT ALL.

And I’m not saying don’t do your taxes and hope the universe takes care of it. No. Do what you gotta in life. But don’t question. Don’t worry. Surrender to the fact that this will all work out, and stay witchy ( *)

When You’re Stuck in a Negative Energy Vacuum

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I have been in a situation that I will allude to cryptically, but it is not one I can easily walk away from. There are a lot of personalities that I’ve come across lately that include entitlement and plain disrespect, and it’s kind of turned my entire world upside down.

When faced with a barrage of negativity as a generally positive and peaceful person, I get affected. And lately I have started to question my core beliefs because of this. Is the universe echoing to me what I’m putting out? Is manifestation even real? How is it possible that I can let this get to me so completely?

Which is why this situation is affecting my world around me. I’m absorbing and regurgitating these bad juju’s and I’m having encounters with people that I’ve never had before. Negative, awful, run ins. When I thought I had reached the light at the end of the tunnel, I was dropped into quicksand. Everything is cycling around me and it’s hard to see past the spiral.

Before I go on, let me be clear, as an empath, I understand what being sensitive actually is. It is not being dramatic, it is not flipping out or being easily offended. It is exactly what it is defined as:

adjective quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences; (of a person or a person’s behavior) having or displaying a quick and delicate appreciation of others’ feelings.

Which is why, when I am disrespected, talked down to, and belittled, I get affected. No, it is not because I believe I am unworthy. I’ve been through that before and no one can tell me I am not good enough anymore. But it’s because I sense the place that the other person is coming from, and it is a point of pain and insecurity. It is a small and infantile energy that pokes and prods and I want nothing to do with it, yet I’m somehow confined to continue dealing with a toddler that keeps flipping the back of my neck.

So…

Which do you choose? The blue pill, or the red pill?

As a seeker of knowledge and truth, the red pill is not only attractive, it’s necessary for survival. I choose not to see a situation as an isolated interaction, but rather what it says about the entire environment. And because I choose to not live in ignorance, I have the power to step out of the matrix and redirect in a positive path.

I see the person who belittles as the small child that they are. Yes, it is annoying, but there is always a way out. It’s not my responsibility to parent the child, but it’s my responsibility to take care of myself. I ultimately can leave the playground if I choose to.

This involves Strength to see past the chaos of the Tower. Inevitably, the dissolution of this entire situation will bring more positivity than negativity, but it is up to me to dig myself out of the rubble. When something is not working, you either fix it, or accept that it is beyond repair.

So, witches, I have bad days too. I’ve had many in a row, actually. But I can get past them, and so can you, Stay strong, and stay witchy ( *)

 

Abundant Universe Experiment

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This is a super fun, super wild exercise brought to you from the New York Times bestseller, E squared. It is FUCKING AMAZING what your mind can accomplish when you  simply just pay attention,

Alright, so all this experiment takes is 48 hours and an open mind. That’s it.

Now what I want you to do, is to pick an arbitrary object. Like butterflies or yellow flowers or white feathers. Anything that your little heart desires. It can even mean something to you, or be an idea like “love.”

Now, for the next 48 hours I want you to KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN and look for this object or evidence to support this idea. Here’s an example:

If you chose to look for Love, keep a record of everything that you see in 48 hours that supports Love. Hearts on a little girls sweater. An old couple holding hands. A young couple cuddling on the subway. Red roses. Anything that supports the idea of love gets written down.

Wanted to stick with something more simple? Let’s say you chose yellow flowers. Those could be found growing as weeds out of cracked cement, on a floor length skirt, on a plastic umbrella, or in a commercial.

The point is, pick something, anything, and just keep your eyes peeled for it over the next 48 hours. Let the universe prove to you that it will show you what you are looking for. When the 48 hours are up, look at your tally and be prepared to be amazed.

Get on it and stay witchy ( *)

 

Taking a Vacation from Self Help

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The title of this post is not an endorsement, nor is it something I intended to do. But, let’s face it, this work is a 24/7/365 JOB.

Even as someone who has made this into my line of work and the source of my creativity, I must make a constant, valiant effort to keep it in the forefront of my mind. And now, it’s confession time, because when I took my vacation in June, I ended up taking off from everything.

I am inherently impulsive and emotional. Not the greatest combination, especially when you throw a lot of your personal work to the wind. Constant celebration and parties tend to blur what’s important and shove it into the background. And that is exactly what I’ve been doing.

Shown by the Eight of Wands, a card of whirlwind speed and haste, you can get caught up in glitz of it all and forget what you’ve been fighting all of this time for.

Although my business (and my brain!) is important to me, I’ve had a lot of bad days during my vacation and over the holiday. It has been harder for me to bounce back than usual. And I’ll tell you why:

Your inner critic, inner demons, inner monsters, whatever you want to call them, will always be inside your head. Your job, in order to stay sane and healthy, is to pump up your inner cheerleader, so she’s much louder than those voices, and to shout them into submission. When you don’t stay on top of that, those little gremlin bastards creep closer and closer to the very front of your mind until they are all you can see, and then we begin to spiral.

This is how easy it is to fall back into depression and anxiety, as noted by the Nine of Swords.

Now the magic here, is, noticing when that happens. I felt a slip, and I have to tell you, with the amount of work that I’ve done on myself in recent years, my bounce back time was a fraction of what it used to be. I recognized old patterns, nipped it in the bud, and now I’m back to magical old Shawney.

My point of this, though, is to stress the importance of staying on top of your game. When you’re on vacation, listen to your body and your intuition. Make sure they have a voice, and respect yourself. You don’t need to throw caution into the gutter to have a great time! In fact, if you stay on your shit, you’ll preserve it and save yourself the guilt and shame! So remember from my mistakes next time you want to let loose, and as always, stay witchy ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: Dream Journaling


Do you have recurring dreams? Or do you just want some more insight into what your mind is trying to tell you?

Buy a pretty dream book and let’s get journaling!

I like to keep crystals and a dream journal on my night stand. I suggest that if you have recurring dreams you should, too. Having your dream journal handy when you wake up is essential for remembering what you dreamt.

Write down every single detail you can remember. Don’t worry about making sense of it now, just write it down.

Try to write a summary of the dream the best you can. Writing a storyline can also help you to figure out exactly what’s going on in there.

Once you’ve written down everything you can remember, I suggest just putting the book down until you have a weeks worth of dreams. Then the fun starts.

When you have a weeks worth, try to connect the dots. Is someone wearing a specific color? What do you associate that color with? Is someone saying something to you? What did they say? Can you see faces? Try to pick out themes from these observations.

Remember, dreams don’t have specific meanings. Your dream is like your own made up universe: you have created all of the language and metaphors. So if you look up in a dream book what a bridge means, it won’t mean the same thing to you, because that author hasn’t lived your life and collected your memories. This is an exercise in authenticity.

So what did you find? Did you explain some unexplainables? Or is there more exploring to do? If you need a helping hand and can’t figure out what your brain is trying to tell you, let me help you. Otherwise, keep journaling and stay witchy ( *)

Tales From My Bedroom Floor: Volume 6, The Strong Woman in Training

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Volume 6 is now up on My Trending Stories! Go read here: https://mytrendingstories.com/article/tales-from-my-bedroom-floor-volume-6-the-strong-woman-in-training/

In this six part series, I go through times that were pivotal in collecting my personal and detrimental belief system, all while crying on my bedroom floor.

 

This is the final volume of this series, and I hope you all have enjoyed reading through it! From here on out, you’re going to see a new series, titled WednesdayWisdoms, coming to you weekly.

If you’ve seen the value in my Tales From My Bedroom Floor series, you will most certainly see the value in this new series, where I will be giving expert advice on the tools in my tool belt.

Stay tuned for next week, and stay witchy ( *)

 

Energy is Input/ Output: Manifesting Your Fears

 

In the past, when I started to date someone new, I wouldn’t tell anyone about it in the beginning. I was terrified that it would end and I would look dumb for being excited. I originally put out into the universe that the relationship would fail.

Here I was bringing all of the anxiety of the Moon with me. The energy of my fears was more powerful than my excitement, so what manifested into reality? The fear, of course.

I was so married to the outcome that I just couldn’t enjoy the ride. As the Magician, who upright suggests careful planning and action, reversed displays a lack of direction. Because I was too focused on my fears and the “inevitable” fail (because at this point I didn’t think I deserved love) my anxieties would take the wheel and steer me off course. My lack of clarity and inability to pinpoint what I wanted and how to get it allowed my fears to push me over to the side and take center stage.

So if you are stuck in this place where you are constantly failing in relationships, try to look at your involvement in them. Are you putting out a palpable energy out into the universe, or constantly picking partners with an expiration date? If so, it’s time to switch gears and turn that Magician right side up. Stay witchy ( *)

The Rocking Chair Epidemic

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I heard this saying a while back: Worrying is like a rocking chair, it passes the time but doesn’t get you anywhere.

I personally find this poignant because worrying has always been my go-to. With lots of practice, it is a fraction of the size of the problem it used to be, but, we are all a work in progress.

The Five of Pentacles is a major indicator of worry and desolation. But here’s the thing, going through a tough time is not going to be made easier by worrying about the future. The most important thing to do in times of hardship is to pick yourself up from your boot straps and do whatever necessary to get you back to a comfortable situation.

If you lost your job, instead of worrying about money, get on Craigslist and find a temp job until you can get something you love. Boyfriend broke up with you? Go out with your girlfriends to get your mind off of what he’s doing. Worrying about how you performed on the job interview? Get back out there to get more interviews, even if it was a slam dunk. Being proactive is going to help you get your mind off of things that are completely out of your hands at this point. You do not control them now, the universe does.

Another thing that helps is the repetition of mantras. I have had many upsets with dating, as you may have read, and when things start to go good, or bad, or hell even the same, I’m quick to worry. So to keep my head on straight and to put up a safety net in the rabbit hole, I repeat to myself a couple key mantras that work for me. Mostly they are reminders to have faith, go with the flow, and continue to be proud of how I show up. This is how I stay proactive in my mental health.

So you can sit in that miserable rocking chair all night and obsess over every detail you’ve made up in your head, or you can put all of that excess energy into something productive. Have some faith, and stay witchy ( *)

 

Tackling Obsession

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Uh oh. Here’s that scary Devil card again.

However, today, we’re going to use it to illustrate obsession.

This card is not “bad” by any measure, but it is truly enlightening. It is the perfect metaphor for obsession. Being bound by mental chains of fixation on one thing or another is quite debilitating.

When we obsess, we lose sight of everything else around us. We are the horse with blinders on, only staring ahead at the thing we desire most. And that thing may even change routinely, but when the obsession is present, nothing else is.

I have a problem with obsession. From the tiniest of things to large scale life goals, obsession is something I have struggled with for most of my life. It stems from my need for control: if I put this in the forefront of my minds eye, it can’t go anywhere or do anything until it is achieved. It cannot change or be forgotten if all I do it think about it.

As unhealthy as that is, in earlier years I convinced myself that the obsession begat ambition. That it was fuel for the fire. And in my rationalizing my obsession, it became ok to do with everything in my life.

However, the stark difference between obsession and goal setting, is that goal setting doesn’t interfere with the rest of your life. Goal setting makes room for many aspects in it, while obsession demands full attention.

The way I deal with my obsession is by using an exercise tailored to the root of my problem. I fixate because I’m afraid I will forget, and therefore fail. So in order to not forget, when I find myself becoming fixated on whatever it is, be it a healthy diet, new pair of jeans, a morning routine, or even the pursuit of love, I write it down. Once it is written down in a list or a notebook, something I regularly look at, it cannot be forgotten. It now exists in stone, and frees up my mind from all of the worries and anxieties associated with obsession.

So if you find yourself fixating on something, try to figure out why it is so important, and try to soothe your mind based on what you find. Obsession is wasted energy, and there is so much out there that deserves your attention. So be frugal with the amount of energy you spend, and stay witchy ( *)