When there is shame surrounding a topic, it takes something that should be beautiful and makes it seedy. It strips away all of the magic. It creates a dark air around it. And this is just as true for sex as any other taboo subject.
So, what can we do to eliminate the shame surrounding sex? How can we embrace our sexuality and live as sacred sexual beings day to day? Follow these tips to replace shame with confidence:
- Watch porn that suits you:
- A lot of the reason why people feel shame around sex is because they can’t relate themselves to feeling sexy. It’s almost as if it’s off limits because they subconsciously can’t see themselves as deserving. If this is part of your problem, I suggest watching porn with people that look like you that do what you like. There is so much on the internet with people of all colors, sexual preferences, body types, etc, that empowers the art of pleasure on every conceivable level. Watching realistic porn, instead of overly aggressive porn-star-porn, might help to add an inclusionary ideal to your own sex life.
- When appropriate, talk about it:
- There’s nothing that takes the air out of a shame-tire like plain old words. Start talking about sex freely. Ask your girlfriends what their experiences are like. Ask your partner what they enjoy between the sheets. Open the dialogue and ask questions. Secrets are the main food source for shame, so take away it’s meal plan and start talking about it!
- Getting acquainted with your body and learning what sets you on fire is a great way to eliminate shame. Our bodies are wired to react a certain way to stimulation. It’s natural! So learn what get’s you off and be proud of it!
- Confront what makes you uncomfortable:
- Do you shudder when you hear the word “vagina?” Do you want to run and hide at the idea of anal? What makes you want to duck for cover? Start taking note of your reactions to sex-related things and then do your research. I find that the more educated you are on a subject, the more comfortable you’ll feel about it.
- Allow yourself to feel sexy:
- Dressing sexy is a big thing for me. I feel empowered when I can flaunt my sexuality and own it. However, that may be too bold for some. In that case, there are a myriad of more subtle approaches. Wear a new shade of lipstick, challenge yourself to wear a pair of heels, or sport some lingerie under your jeans and t-shirt. There are many undercover ways to embrace your inner goddess, and implementing them into your daily life will start to push shame out of the way.
Follow these tips at your own pace and you will start to see a shift from guilt to acceptance. Sex is a natural and beautiful thing, and as long as you do it with respect and consent, there is nothing to be ashamed of! Get your sexy on and stay witchy ( *)