Great Sexpectations (and the Shame Game)

When we’re talking about something as taboo as sex, we (as a society) tend to get a little uncomfortable. When we include shame in the dialogue, things get thrust into the shadows and we can’t celebrate our kinks. And what fun is that??

As a major proponent for open communication, I think it is equally as important in the bedroom as anywhere else. There is a 50/ 50 chance that your first time with a partner won’t be mind blowing, and that’s ok! True intimacy is a deep knowing of another, and that comes with time, and, plainly, opening your mouth (no pun intended.)

It is much more of a process for women to orgasm than men, and because of a conditioned shame towards sex and pleasure throughout our lives, some of us find it hard to communicate to our partner exactly what gets us going. Instead of empowering ourselves sexually, we’ll get in our heads and predict that it’s going to be “weird” to talk about, and then we live in an unfulfilled romance. We just expect things to get better magically, without thinking that you have to put forth some effort for the magic to happen.

To be honest, I am appalled that there are still women who fake orgasms. You’re not only doing yourself a wild injustice, but your partner is going to falsely walk around thinking they’re the shit. And every subsequent partner they have is going to fall victim to super disappointing sex. That’s just poor community service.

Instead, channel the Queen of Cups and gently express your pointers. Just as there are women who have shame surrounding the mere fact that they can’t get off easily, men have shame surrounding the fact that they aren’t Casanova straight out of the womb. By effectively communicating, you and your partner (whether it’s a one night stand or a ten year marriage) can have an incredibly connected experience. You’re both dedicating the time, so why not do it right?

The Two of Cups represents a point of intimacy that is unified. It takes two to tango, so why not be all inclusive? Your partner isn’t feeling the same sensations that you are, so clue them in. Talk them through it, and listen to what they have to say as well. When you are supplying pleasure for each other, there becomes a circulation of energy that is out of this freaking world, and sex becomes so much better than you could ever imagine.

Have you ever been lying underneath someone as they were tediously plowing away and all you could do was think about all of the laundry that was piling up in your closet? Well, consciously or not, your partner receives that message that you aren’t present. So one person is doing all of the work (poorly) and the end result is lackluster and boring. If you took initiative and consciously created a safe space where you two could be open, communicative, and wild,  you could reap the benefits of an incredibly cosmic experience. Don’t commit yourself to a life of bad sex; you deserve all of the pleasure in the world. Speak up and stay witchy ( *)

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s