My relationship with sex has been a complicated one. It must have started out with the pressure of losing my virginity, because I slept with a boyfriend of four days “just to get it over with.” This kind of set the pace for devaluing my body, and I didn’t even know the power and sacredness of my sexuality.
It also didn’t help that I caught that boyfriend cheating on me with his neighbor. This incident created a haphazard idea of sex. That it just didn’t matter.
The road became more and more cluttered when I realized that I so desperately wanted, NEEDED, male attention. I was craving love of any kind, so I would drunkenly throw myself at men and then become puzzled as to why they weren’t in love with me. Like, why isn’t this like in the movies???
Further down the line, I would try to pretend that my unsuccessful tactics, and the inevitable outcomes, didn’t bother me. I was just going to Samantha Jones myself through life and hope someone respected me along the way. But sex or not, I didn’t respect myself. See whats wrong with this picture?
Then, as you know, I was raped. What a freakin doozey that was in my sexual landscape. That turned everything upside down, flipped it, and reversed it (thanks Missy.) Now fear was a factor. How was I supposed to land a man if I couldn’t let him touch me?
And lo and behold, who is there to pop up? But my infamous ex. I felt comfortable around him, got drunk, and took him home on the first night. He stayed for the next three days. And rather than questioning if he should be at his job, I let our insecurities click and the rest is history.
So all of this leading up to my turning point was synonymous with the message of The Devil. I was ruled by obsession and trauma, rather than intuition, respect, and just plain logic. I gave away the whole fruit and couldn’t satisfy myself.
Nowadays it’s a whole different ballgame. I have done the work and thoroughly respect my body, but let’s be honest, we all need a little pleasure in our lives. I do not want a relationship right now, but I’m not above a hookup. The difference here is that I understand what I want, I communicate effectively with a potential partner, we are both 100% consenting, and there is no grey area of sadness and depression.
The Lovers describes a union and an alignment of values. That is the important part, and what I was missing the whole time. Trying to drunkenly (and half-assededly I might add) seduce a man into loving me and then cry when he doesn’t is idiotic. Being up front about what you need in a partner and seeing if your values align gives you a choice, and if you choose to give your body over to someone who doesn’t want what you want, you’re putting yourself in a compromising position. You’re setting yourself up for hurt. And to do it over and over and over again expecting different results is insane. You gotta revolutionize your sexy little world to find that happiness. Cuz it’s hiding on the other side of the bed.
Sex might be a plush display of love in a steamy relationship, or a taboo icon that is used for selling t-shirts and hamburgers, but it is also a necessary way of life. Sex is sacred, yes, but it is also fun and pleasurable and NATURAL. You don’t have to wear a chastity belt for the rest of your life in order to protect yourself. You just have to get to the root of your needs. If your needs consist of a sweet and quick release, then by all means sugar, get yours (while staying safe.) And if your needs consist of a relationship, get to dating! Communicate that you are looking for a partner and don’t settle for less. You can’t change his mind with sex. It has never happened and never will. Align your values before you get busy.
So sex wisely, my kittens. You’re worthy of a good time. Just be sure you protect your heart first, and stay witchy ( *)