When you turn around and see the Devil leering over your shoulder, it is time to get the fuck out. The chains of lust are not enough to keep you safe, and your safety is your main concern. To ignore him hiding in the bushes is denial, and he will inevitably bring you down.
The Devil shows obsession. Codependency. Impulsiveness. All of the quick-fix-sick-personality traits that are meant to fill a void in our heart but never will. And when we couple the Devil with the Lovers, we tend to care for our partner in a seemingly selfless way, but actually one which is purely selfish. They are the air we breathe, and we need to give them anything we have to keep them enabling our sickness.
When the relationship is toxic, and it generally is when it’s foundation is codependent, when do we know for ourselves when to stay and when to walk away?
I think realistically, one never knows concretely, black and white, when to walk away. It is not going to be written on a sign, in a textbook, or in a blog. Rather, it is a feeling in the gut, through your blood and rattling your bones. It is more than a decision on paper; it is a matter of life or death. To ignore our bodies responses to something toxic is spiritually irresponsible.
When I was in my toxic relationship, riddled with (rightful and deserved) paranoia and sick feelings, I ignored it. I shoved it down way deep inside because it was far more important to hear the words “I love you,” than to take responsibility for where I was in that time. I would have rather been an empty shell than alone. That was the state of the matter.
In fact, I knew I had to walk away. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was not only that I felt trapped in the matter, but I also didn’t want to leave. I was comfortable in tragedy. I felt at home in despair. Crying was my normal.
It’s easier said than done to extract yourself and have an out-of-body experience that pulls you out of the unnecessary nonsense. To realize that melancholy isn’t the end all be all. But the sadness is your body’s way of telling you that something isn’t right. I invite you to look at the ratio of bliss to sorrow. Make a list of pros and cons. And don’t cheat yourself; make an honest list. Your spirit will thank you. Stay witchy ( *)