If you’ve been hurt before, it’s definitely a struggle to get back on the horse. You’re going to carry some baggage, and hopefully you’ve learned some things along the way that make you a little less naive.
After a toxic relationship, it is super easy to hate the other person, talk badly about them, and at the same time, beat yourself up for trusting them. I mean, it had to be someone’s fault, right?
But I think it is important to remember that, at the time, there was something there that you loved or admired about the other person. There were actually good times amongst the shit, and though the shit prevailed, you have to look at the relationship in its entirety.
When you begin again and take a leap of faith with someone new, it is also easy to fall into a compare mode. This isn’t fair, because this is a whole new person with a whole new set of inner workings, but what else do you have to base your knowledge off of so you don’t make the same mistake twice? You need a blueprint before you can build a house.
What I’ve been trying to do, as of late, is look for the positives and negatives in my approach. That is all we are responsible for and all that we can control. And through my healing from codependency and my tireless work on myself, I can say that putting my feelings out there and being a supportive and nurturing partner is not something I can beat myself up for. It is part of my authentic being, but I should only use it where it is deserved and not at a detriment to myself. And boundaries will help to keep that light alive.
But by looking at myself, looking forward, and opening my heart again, I can free up all of this negative energy that was once used as a shield for my pain. I make an effort to empty out the bad jujus to make room for the good. I understand that my ex loved me the best he could at the time, because he was sick. And I the same for him. And there were good times. But that is the past, and that relationship served as a period for growth and nothing more.
Love is hard and scary. But for every nugget of fear and difficulty, there is a high of such amazing proportions that makes it all worth it. And while there is bountiful uncertainty in the future, there is always a way to forgive and be grateful for the past. Live authentically, love authentically, and stay witchy ( *)