It is my personal belief that willpower, or the Chariot, cannot exist without self love or self trust.
Here’s a thought: If you and a friend are going to a party, and said friend is going to be the designated driver, and said friend promises to only have one drink for the entire length of the party, would you feel at all comfortable taking that ride if you didn’t trust that promise?
So here it is imperative that trust exists in order to feel secure in the ride.
Now think of it this way: If you told yourself when you went to a party that you were going to only have one drink, and then you decided to get black-out drunk, you would stop trusting yourself, right?
When you initially don’t trust what you are saying as you make that promise to yourself, and you let the little gremlins step all over that promise, you’re showing that you have no conviction rooted in what you declared, even if it is subconscious. Without conviction there can be no willpower. And through transitive property, no willpower = no self love/ trust/ respect.
When you make a promise to yourself, you will stick to it out of self respect if it is present. You would do it for a friend, so why wouldn’t you do it for number one? Letting yourself lose control is a powerless feeling, and you want to get the reigns of the Chariot sturdy.
This is not to say that you should beat yourself up over the fact that willpower is hard for you. For some it is a practice, and some (like those in anonymous programs) have to give it up to God or whoever in order to just make it by. That in it of itself is showing self respect because you know the shit-show to come if you try to play with moderation.
This can be practiced in many different situations. Like when you know you only have twenty dollars until your next paycheck but your friends want to go out or go shopping, and out of total disregard for your financial situation, you pull out your credit card and shut your eyes to try to ignore the bad decision. You try to convince yourself that it’s fine and the whole while you’re literally dying of anxiety because of a decision YOU made to hurt YOU. You could have said no. But you chose anxiety.
I am no stranger to this. I had zero self respect so I kept putting myself in situations that made that abundantly clear. After 15 grand in credit card debt, a couple eating disorders, and a damaging relationship, its time to wake up and take responsibility for your role in your willpower. It isn’t easy but if you cut the shit and start taking responsibility for loving and respecting yourself, you’ll start to gain the trust back as a result.
At the end of the day its finding out where you are in your journey. No one is ever happy with the fact that they over indulged. It always allows you to panic. So diminish that feeling by practicing self love, vis a vis, willpower. Get ahold of that Chariot, make good decisions, and stay witchy ( *)