Why “Nurturing” is Not Synonymous with “Codependent”

Remember when I wrote about dichotomous thinking? Well this is a perfect example.

Upright, the Empress is the pinnacle of femininity, mothering, abundance, and giving. Reversed she is codependent and blocked creatively.

They are two sides of the same card, but that does not mean there isn’t  happy medium.

When I started to heal from my codependent habits, I thought that these two words were synonymous. And that was a huge problem for me, because I am a nurturer. This left me feeling highly confused. How do I foster my nurturing demeanor without losing myself in codependency.

Well, did you guess it?

It’s obviously boundaries.

You can be a caring person who wants to cultivate relationships WITHOUT losing yourself. For example, when I was with my infamous ex, I lent him so much money (aside from what he stole from me) that I couldn’t care for myself. This wasn’t helping out a trusted friend in a time of need with money I had to spare. This was giving out more than I could afford from fear of losing him.

See the difference?

I cannot stress this enough: TAKE CARE OF NUMBER ONE. You are the most important person in your life and you are the only one responsible for you. That doesn’t mean you can’t care for a significant other when they are sick by bringing them chicken soup and holding their head, but it does mean you can’t miss a ton of work to dote on them when you already can’t afford your rent.

I know that my examples are always pretty extreme, but bare with me here. This could be the path you are going down if someone’s well being means more than your own. This is an age of independence and mutual love. Two people walking down separate paths that merge together for an equally enjoyable partnership. Not one person jumping on the others and taking over to the point that their original path has disappeared. Control and codependency are pretty synced up here, and you have no business routing another persons journey, especially when it’s to dodge your own.

Being a nurturer is an amazing feminine quality. Celebrating femininity and what makes us differently special is an important and notable idea. Just remember, that you are the most important person that needs caring for. This is why, in airplane safety speeches, they say to fasten your mask first before helping another. You’re no good to anyone when you’re unconscious. Nurture yourself first, before you can nurture others. Stay caring, and stay witchy ( *)

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