Often described as a “shrinking violet,” the reversed Queen of Wands conveys the lack of confidence I think all women feel at some point in their life. With the age of selfies and social media upon us, expensive makeup and contouring, and ,of course, photo-shop, it becomes reasonable to have a compare-complex.
When vanity steps in, it isn’t because you have so much confidence and you pride yourself on looking your best. Quite the contrary. When one exhibits vanity, it is because of the obsession with looking good from fear of being ridiculed. Unfortunately, as women, it’s a fear we are all too familiar with.
I heard a comedian the other day saying that, on a night out, “at that moment, it was like reapplying my lip liner was my key to eternal happiness.” And isn’t that so poignant? That when we have an unflattering cow lick right over our bad eyebrow, we obsess on it and flatten it down so much that our hand looks permanently glued to our head? Because that is way more attractive, right? And because being attractive hinges on our right to happiness?
I am going to be 100% honest. Not only was I extremely into my looks (hair extensions, lip injections, fake nails) but I still am. I love looking like a Barbie doll because it makes me feel good. But what has switched in me, because I found the ability to love myself the way I am, is that I can go to the grocery store after a work out and not hide in shame because my eyebrows aren’t penciled in. In fact, the other day my cat scratched me on my face, and instead of cowering and crying in my room for days because I looked like a Disney villain, I shrugged it off and held my head high because life is life and shit happens.
To be completely and utterly a victim of vanity is not just wanting to look good. It’s another obsession. It takes you from being confident enough to wear a bright shade of lipstick to contouring your face to look like a different person. It takes you from trying out the new lip plumper in Sephora to suction cupping your lips a la Kylie Jenner. It takes you from eating healthy to starving yourself while wearing a waist trainer. It takes you from a few hours of yoga a week to purging your lunch.
Its a slippery slope, and I did ALL OF THESE.
Girls, we have it hard. We are held to a ridiculous beauty standard that is only attainable when one doesn’t have a normal life, but a life where money is available only to make you look better. When you are equipped with a personal trainer, plastic surgery, juice cleanses, facials, and a beauty squad of 20 to contour the fuck out of your face and blow out your hair miles high, it’s pretty easy to look like a bombshell. But more importantly, our beauty should come from strength and intuition, because ladies, we have that in spades.
So check your vanity. Does it have a stranglehold on you? Instead of giving you the key to happiness, does it actually get in the way because you’re so obsessed with it? Ask yourself these questions and do a little digging. Stay beautiful and stay witchy ( * )