Why it Doesn’t Pay to People Please

street_fighter_tarot___the_hanged_man_by_sayianianian-d4zytwm

A man suspended, upside down, with one leg free and one bound to the tree he hangs from, is symbolic for self sacrifice. His face is calm, but his need for martyrdom may come at a price; his mental and emotional well being.

This is why we need to be careful about people pleasing. As someone who talks about and is conscious of her own codependency, it is a very slippery slope when turning into a “yes man.”

Saying yes to everything at work, plans you don’t want to do, or really any kind of task that your heart isn’t in is people pleasing. If you can’t pick up your friends child after school, then why did you say yes? If you don’t want to go to that horrible party with people you don’t know, why did you offer to drive? Whatever the instance is, we all know when we’re doing something for another reason other than we actually want to do it.

The reason why people pleasing and codependency are so dangerous is because of the underlying factors. You’re saying yes and over extending yourself from a place of fear and a lack of self confidence. “Maybe these people won’t talk to me anymore if I don’t go above and beyond for their friendship. Maybe I’ll die alone if I don’t say yes to everything they ask.”

You see how sick that sounds from the outside?

The truth is, when you are confident, you value your time. This doesn’t mean you won’t do a favor for a friend if they ask. If you can, you will. And you’ll do it with love. But the point is, that you won’t do it out of fear of loss, and you won’t do it if it completely inconveniences you because you value your time.

I know I tend to talk in extremes, but we can all relate to people pleasing on some level. We’ve all done a shade of it on the spectrum. But when you recognize when you are doing it, it is easier to stop and honor yourself. At the end of the day, it boils down to “Do I want to keep lying to myself and others for fear that they won’t like me?”

So get honest about your needs, and as always, stay witchy ( *)

 

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