The frame around this particular card symbolizes the cyclical progression of the human experience. Being that the card in its entirety depicts the world, we are brought to a very important topic in my life: places and their effect (or rather your effect) on the psyche.
Your world is your perception. You perceive what you’re unknowingly looking for. And places will reflect this phenomenon.
In Los Angeles I was miserable. Not because of any particular event (although there were many) but because I was just a miserable person. I lived in misery and it was comfortable there. Until it wasn’t.
After drug addiction, eating disorders, DUI’s and car accidents, I decided to play the blame game and put all of the responsibility on LA. Because it was LA’s fault, I could avoid accountability. And avoid I did. 3000 miles away.
I remember thinking on the plane coming here to move for good that this was it for me. This it where it all changes. This is where I would have some real luck. Because I defined New York as the place I was going to make it and succeed, I did just that. But it was UGLY.
New York held a mirror up to my face in the harshest way and forced me to take a real hard look.
Moving to New York was the absolute kick in the ass that I needed because it forced me to face my demons. Surviving on your own will do that to you. But because I was determined to make New York work for me, and because I knew I couldn’t quit and go anywhere else (or God forbid back home) I rode the wave and got through it. I romanticized New York so much that it in turn became my healer.
You see, because I was looking for misery in LA, I found it at every turn. Rather than eating healthy and loving my body, I found drugs and bulimia to keep me skinny. Rather than cultivating real intimate relationships, I over-drank at bars and parties and endangered myself while sleeping around. And who wouldn’t love all of the miserable repercussions of those self-sabotaging actions?
In New York, I projected the want for change. I asked the sidewalks for it. I looked at the city lights and begged for an answer. And in the universes’ way of testing your will, I sure as hell found it.
I like to think that now, if I went back to live in Los Angeles, I would have a completely different experience. I would attract different men and different job opportunities than the ones that I had. Not that all those that I attracted in LA were bad, but my energy now is completely different than the sad girl’s you all knew and loved. My perception has shifted.
I call it the Orange Car Effect. You usually never think about orange cars, but once you see one, you start noticing them everywhere. If you think everyone in LA is “so fake,” that’s all you’ll run into. If you think LA is bad luck and terrible, well guess what, the universe will deliver that to your doorstep.
LA and I broke up a while ago, and we’ll never be a perfect match. But even though I’m with New York now, I can look back on my relationship with LA and appreciate it for what it was. Because life is what you make of it, and accountability is key. Stay witchy wherever you are. ( *)